Asian Dining Tips with Chopsticks and Popcorn!

 A lovely UVA college senior, May Holstad, interviewed me for a business etiquette article (Welcome Inc. 2002-2003 Issue, www.richmag.com, "Missed Manners"). She was from China. She shared a cute, local Chinese superstition during our interview:

If a girl holds her chopsticks close to the base, she will marry someone near to where she lives. If she holds her chopsticks close to the top, she will marry someone far away.   

Eating in the Asian style is not hard or impossible. It's actually fun, if you practice, and it's fun to practice in just 3 easy steps Hold the first chopstick in the hollow of your thumb and rest it on your middle finger. Hold the second chopstick like a pencil. Hold the 1st steady in position, and move the 2nd back & forth. Practice with popcorn! First one piece, then 2, and so on. 

Interestingly enough, many Asian etiquette & manners and social traditions were adopted by the Europeans, as were many Fine china designs with the Tea trade in the 15th Century. So, many of the Asian etiquette & manners are the same as many of the Old European etiquette & manners. 

First and paramount in all Asian cultures is "saving face." Asians do not like "losing face." Honor, etiquette and manners are very important. 

Asian Dining Tips:

• Never stand your chopsticks straight up in a bowl of rice! Rude!
• DO NOT ever point your chopsticks at another person. Very rude.
• Always use the large ends of your chopsticks to serve yourself from the platter.
• Dining is often "family style." Dishes are all placed on the table "Buffet Style", so help yourself.
• Always sample every dish. You may find a new favorite food!
• The soul is thought to reside in one's head. DO NOT touch your head or face while eating. Interestingly enough, in this new age of COVID19, this Asian and old European manner is back in Vogue!
• DO NOT set your chopsticks or knife (if you are given Western utensils) on the table. This act is considered bad luck. Set them on the chopstick or knife rest or on your plate.
• Belch, slurp and clang! It is considered a compliment to the chef.
• Don't take the last helping of anything. Superstition says this is bad luck.
•  DO NOT eat food directly from the platter. It is not your personal plate!
• A meal may be up to 12 courses, and may last up to 2-3 hours. Take small portions, take your time, taste everything, and enjoy!
• Shark Fin soup is a delicacy. Try it!
• You may be given a hot finger towel at the end of the meal rather than a napkin.
• Oranges or fruits may be served last, signifying the end of the meal.
• The "Guest of Honor" sits facing the door.
• To beckon the waiter, extend your arm & hand out, palm down and make scratching motions with your fingers. Pointing your index finger is considered rude. 
• Asians are close talkers, but no PDA. 
• Handshaking is soft. Keep your space. Do not stand too close. NO hugging. NO "air kissing." A slight bow from the waist is appreciated.
• In bowing, keep your arms at your sides. Back straight. Eyes down. SLIGHTLY bow at the waist. The inferior person bows longer and lower.
• One may nod to give a verbal salutation. 
• Western style handshakes are becoming more popular. 
• Sit with both feet on the floor. Showing the soles of your shoes is an insult.
• DO NOT cross or swing your legs at the table. Women only may cross their ankles at the table. 
• Toast: "Yum-Boui" = Cheers! "Gan bei" = Bottoms up!
• Formal "Family"names are used until invited to use first "given" names. 
• Service charge may be included and should be listed on your check. 
• Dress is conservative, clean and modest. No bare arms for women. No tube tops or bra straps showing for women. Modest skirts or slacks for women. Jacket & tie may be required in some European hotels. NO SHORTS in the evening. Long pants for men. 
• Shake hands with everyone upon meeting and leaving. 
• Smiling can be interpreted as confusion or humiliation. Asian girls are taught not to smile.
• Eye contact should be quick. DO NOT stare. Asian Mothers use staring as punishment for bad children.  
• Higher ranking adults are introduced first, and women before men.
• Never point with your finger. Rude!
• Never wink.
• Speak quietly. Don't fidget.
• Cover your mouth if you yawn.
• DO NOT blow your nose or wipe your nose at the table. Excuse yourself to the restroom.
• If you choose to use Western silverware, eat in the "Continental Style." 
• Pass and gesture with your right hand only. The left hand is used for toileting and is considered "dirty."
• The "OK" hand gesture means "money." Stay away from hand gestures.
• Clerks may place your change on the counter. Don't be insulted. NO touching.

Remember these superstitions: 

When eating a whole fish, the head of the fish should face the guest of honor. 

*****

DO NOT turn your fish over when eating. This gesture is considered bad luck. 

It means your boat will capsize! 

The Language of Flowers is Melodic

 Ever watch old movies? Wuthering Heights, Sense & Sensibility, Camille, Now Voyager, Kate & Leopold? Notice the flowers? Lavender. Hot house versus field flowers. Gardenias. Peony. Aster. Orange Lilly. Begonia. 

Ever wonder what these flowers all mean? Do they each have more than one meaning? Contrary meanings?

Here's a light, lovely list:

• Lavender = healing, distrust, purity, devotion, serenity, grace. Purple is the color of royalty which signifies refinement, elegance & luxury. Used as insect repellent by the Romans and as perfume by the Greeks.
• Wild Flowers = represent joy
• Gardenia = secret love, "You are lovely", gentleness & purity
• Orange Lilly = extreme hatred
• Begonia = danger
• Garlands are for the Conqueror    
• Aster = Astraea was a greek Godess. Legend says her tears created this star burst style flower. 
• Peony = prosperity & good fortune, happy marriage 
• Morning Glory = unrequited love & grave flowers
• Ivy = continuity 
• Amaryllis = splendid beauty
• Cabbage Rose =strength in love, depth of passion
• Black-eyed Susan = justice
• Red Tulip = a confession of love
• Yellow Rose = Friendship, "Do I deserve you?" "Am I worthy?" jealousy, infidelity
• Daisy = innocence, simplicity
• Marigold = link between death & love, grief, despair, jealousy
• Iris = hope
• Hyacinth = loveliness, "Please forgive me"
• Lily = refined beauty, pure heart
• Calla Lily = resurrection, rebirth, magnificent beauty, represents the goddess Hera
• Lilly of the Valley (May Lilies, May Bells) happiness, purity, trustworthiness, but don't eat them, they are toxic
• Sweet Pea = Goodbye
• Orchid = wisdom, refinement, beauty
• Clover = "Think of me"
• Sunflower = vitality, spiritual attainment, ambition, good luck
• Tulip = irresistible love
• Violet = faithfulness
• Purple Carnation = capriciousness
• Lilac = the joy of youth
• Yellow Carnation = rejection 
• Dhalia = commitment (blue or green) fresh start, discovery
• Pink Rose = grace, gentleness, happiness
• White Rose = purity
• Pink Carnation = "I'll never forget you"
• Hydrangea = pink and blue: sorrow for mistreating the girl, gratitude for being understood
• Coral Rose = friendship, modesty, sympathy
• White Carnation = sweet, lovely
• Mint = virtue
• Red Rose = love
• Crimson Rose = mourning
• Lavender Rose = love at 1st sight
• Fern = bonds of love, magic
• Zinnia = (Yellow) means, the daily remembering of good memories 

Remember: 

Flowers have many meanings and all bring joy, whatever they mean 

when given in earnest to those you love.

International Gift Giving Tips

Many years ago, I spoke to a young reporter who said her mother told her she did not have to bring a gift to the host/hostess when invited to dinner at their home. The reporter justified this opinion by saying: "They invited me. I am the guest." YES, they were entertaining her! Hosts spend many hours cleaning and taking much trouble and expense to entertain you. 

As a single girl for 20 years, I get it! Yes, it is expensive to have to buy a gift to go to someone's home for dinner, or special occasion. The very least anyone can do is to bake cookies or a bunt cake, bring a modest bottle of table wine, or a small gathering of hot house or field flowers. 

At a minimum, you are obliged as a good guest, to show your appreciation in bringing a small gift and writing a "Thank You" note.

If you are at odds about your choice of gift internationally, you can always call the host country Embassy. They know the Protocol! 

So, below is everyone's favorite post, and especially fun for teenagers! Interesting to read even if you are not planning domestic or international travel or gift giving at the moment. 

USA GIFTS - Appropriate:

• Fine or modest bottle of table wine (drinkers only)
• Local Micro-brewery beer (drinkers only)
• A nice Scotch (drinkers only)
• Pretty bar towel or kitchen towel set (2) 
• Wine stopper (drinkers only)
• Fine chocolates
• Appropriate Magazine subscription 
• Coffee Table book from your home region
• Small decorative Dresser box or dish
• Nice pen & pencil set
• Plant
• Lovely picture frame (with a photo of the family inside if you have a special one)
• "Hot House" or field flowers
• Homemade cookies, brownies or bunt cake
• Regional gifts such as Virginia peanuts
• Nice coffee or teas and tea related products

USA GIFTS - NOT Appropriate

• Any alcohol or alcohol related products to non-drinkers
• Red roses
• Perfum, bath products or personal items
• Cash
• Home improvement gift card (!)
• Dining out gift card (!)

EUROPEAN and UK GIFTS - Appropriate:

• Fine Chocolates
• Flowers (as always, check local appropriate types of flower, colors, and number)
• Fine liquors, wines or Scotch
• Small gifts for children such as candy, little chocolates or little toys
• Small silver or porcelain dresser boxes or dishes 
• Coffee table book from your home region
• Fine coffee or teas

EUROPEAN and UK GIFTS - Not Appropriate:

• Logo gifts
• Expensive gifts (may be embarrassing for host/hostess)
• Red roses (for lovers only) or white flowers (funeral color)
• Perfume, bath products or anything personal
• Any alcohol or related products for non-drinkers

LATIN AMERICA GIFTS - Appropriate

• Fine chocolates
• Logo gifts from your home region (for example Virginia peanuts)
• Small gifts for children such as candy, little chocolates or small toys
• Coffee table book from your home region
• Perfume

LATIN AMERICA GIFTS - Inappropriate

• Knives, scissors or sharp instruments (considered bad luck - even with a 'lucky penny' enclosed)
• Handkerchief (sorrow), bath products (too personal)
• Expensive gift (may embarrass the host/hostess)
• To arrive empty handed with no gift (considered inconsiderate)
• Any gift in purple or black(funeral colors)
• Any gift numbering 13 (bad luck)

JAPAN GIFTS - Appropriate

 (present or receive the gift with both hands & do not open the gift right when given)

• Fine Scotch or Brandy
• Flowers in even numbers, but NOT the #4 (death) and NO white flowers (funeral color)
• Cash (given to children in a red envelope for the New Year for good luck) cash in even numbers, but NOT the #4 (death)
• Coffee table book from your home region
• US Logos from your home region 
• US brand names are popular
• Products from your home region
• Company Logo products
• Fine Tea or tea related products, including shortbreads and jam

JAPAN GIFTS - Inappropriate

• Clocks or watches (means 'Time is running out')
• Potted plant (for a sick person in Hospital)
• Personal or grooming items such as a comb (the word for comb sounds like death) 
• Candles (represents a fire) 
• Knives or scissors (DO NOT give even with a 'lucky penny' attached as they symbolize cutting a relationship or death)
• Joke gifts or humorous gifts (they do not translate well & are considered inconsiderate)
• Any gift "Made in Japan" (obviously)
• Any gift numbering 4  (the number 4 means death)
• Any gift numbering 9 (the number 9 means suffering)
• Anything with a Fox, Wolf or Badger (menacing)
• DO NOT wrap gifts in white or black wrapping paper (funeral colors)
• DO NOT give ribbons or bows (used for gift wrapping only, and it's an art in Japan)
• DO NOT surprise your host/hostess with your gift first. allow them to give you a gift first 

ARAB COUNTRIES GIFTS - Appropriate

• Coffee table book
• Made in the USA gifts
• Regional gifts
• Corporate gifts
• Little candies or small toys for the children

ARAB COUNTRIES - Inappropriate

• Any alcohol or alcohol related products
• Logo merchandise
• Joke, humorous or cheap novelty gifts
• Any gift for someone's spouse (too personal)
• Any gift that is white (mourning)
• DO NOT give food (symbolizing poverty)

TAIWAN and SINGAPORE GIFTS - Appropriate

• Fine Scotch or Whisky
• Coffee table book from your home region
• Company Logo gifts are popular 
• Fine desk set
• Fine daily appointment books
• Fine writing journals
• Fine tea leaves and fine tea related ceramics
• Fine jade
• DO NOT give white flowers or white gifts (funeral color)
• DO NOT give anything in a set of 4 or number 4 (death)
• DO refuse the gift a few times before accepting (polite and modest)
• Accept and give the gift with both hands (respectful)
• Reciprocation is tradition, so take into account the recipient's financial status
• Wrap well in red or pink colors
• Give an even number of flowers (but NOT the #4 or #13. Odd numbers = bad omen The #6 is good luck) NO white flowers (funeral)

TAIWAN and SINGAPORE GIFTS - Inappropriate

• Clocks or watches ("Time is passing" which signifies death)
• Anything extravagant (reciprocation tradition) 
• Knives or scissors (severing of a relationship and considered bad luck even with a 'lucky penny' attached)
• Wall decorations (Feng shui)
• Handkerchiefs (wiping away tears which signifies sadness and mourning)
• Red pens or writing on the card with a red pen (signifies blood)
• "Made in Asia" (tacky)
• Joke or humorous novelty gifts (they don't translate well and are considered to be disrespectful)
• Food (symbolizing poverty)
• Bourbon (they do not fancy bourbon)
• DO NOT give items numbering 4 or a gift in a set of 4 (death) While 8 is a lucky number, do not give 2 sets of 4

SOUTH KOREA GIFTS - Appropriate

• Fine Scotch
• Status gifts from a designer store
• Regional gift from your home country
• Coffee table book from your home country
• Company products
• Fine teas and tea related products
• Fine porcelain bowls 

SOUTH KOREA GIFTS - Inappropriate

• Knives or scissors (bad luck even with a 'lucky penny' attached)
• White or yellow Chrysanthemums (funeral flowers)
• shoes (the soles of shoes are considered dirty and to throw your shoe at someone is an insult to them)
• Food (poverty)
• "Made in Asia" products (tacky) or joke novelty products (cheap)

CHINA and HONG KONG GIFTS - Appropriate

(gift reciprocity when suitable is tradition "Li Shang Wang Lai") 

• Fine Scotch
• Coffee table book from your home country
• Company products
• Special Regional gifts from your home country
• Fine teas or tea related products
• Give and receive gifts with both hands
• Numbers 6 and 8 are good luck (but NOT 2 sets of 4 as the #4 means death)
• The recipient may not open the gift infront of you (modesty and humility)  
• Presentation is an important sign of respect. Wrap the gift well.
• Red wrapping paper is considered a happy color
• White or black wrapping paper is for funerals
• Gold or silver wrapping paper is used for weddings

CHINA GIFTS - Inappropriate

• Nothing personal (perfume, bath products, neckties, belts or jewelry)
• Handkerchiefs (sadness or mourning at a funeral)
• Shoes (evil)
• Clocks or watches ("Time is running out") 
• DO NOT write with a red pen on a card (blood) although red wrapping paper is considered a happy color
• DO NOT give any item numbering 4 or anything in a set of 4 (death)
• Be certain to remove the price tag
• Food (symbolizing poverty)
• DO NOT give cut flowers (given at funerals) 
• DO NOT give anything white (funeral color)
• Umbrella (break up)
• DO NOT give food (poverty). Pears represent parting or leaving.

Always remember, gifts are about the recipient, not the giver.

Old European Manners

Old European manners are lovely and often seem as though they are from a former and slower world. These subtle manners are harder & harder to find, but they're still practiced in grand hotels and restaurants, high society & by famous Hollywood figures, a few politicians, and members of the "Greatest Generation." Those in the know, know how powerful these elusive manners can be. If you happen to visit another country, attend a lavish charity gala, attend an important company dinner, dine in a fancy restaurant, or travel to any big city, even in the US, here are a few tips:

• DON'T use the word "charming" or "classy."
• ALWAYS have your business card or personal calling card at the ready when attending a business meeting or at a trusted personal gathering, shopping or banking, especially in big cities.
• DO hand your business/personal card to people with both hands. This act is considered a sign of respect. Accept a business card as well with both hands. DO NOT grab a business card with one hand and immediately stuff it in your back pants pocket. This behavior is considered rude. Accept it gladly with both hands, gaze at it carefully & slowly put it in your breast pocket, wallet or purse. 
• ALWAYS use your "Magic Words." "Please", "Thank you", "May I" and "You're Welcome" go a long way in any language and are appreciated!  
• It is polite and a tradition to have a coffee, rum or cognac and hang out a bit after the meal. It is a compliment to the chef, waiter and restaurant to fully enjoy your evening! 
• Telling jokes and using slang or curse words DOES NOT translate well. Sports analogies DO NOT translate well either.   
• DO speak softly and slowly. DO NOT be loud and boisterous. DO NOT be the "Ugly American." 
• DO practice "Continental Dining" style only. The tradition of having your wrists above the table dates back to the 15th Century. Showing you have no dagger up your sleeve lets the King know he can trust you. Having your hands under the table is still culturally thought of today as though you are hiding something. Continental dining is great for left handed people too! 
• DO NOT spark up conversations at restaurants, bars, or in line. Europeans are quiet and private.
• Dessert and Cognac are served at the table. Coffee may be served after dessert in another room.
• Just as our Mother taught you, DO NOT talk about religion or politics. 
• DO NOT ask for a "house tour." Europeans are very private. Being invited inside a home is a great honor. Be sure to bring a thoughtful, appropriate gift (see International Gift Giving) and be sure to write a thank you note.
• DO NOT leave the table before your host/hostess.
• DO NOT touch or scratch your head or above your shoulders in public. Touching your head is considered beckoning the Devil & bad luck within many religions and in many countries. Ironically, post-COVID19, thankfully, once again, it is NOT appropriate to touch your face. Hopefully, annual flu seasons will be lesser.
• DO NOT stand, walk or pose for photographs with your hands in your pockets. Pockets are for giving change only. Europeans wonder what your hands are doing in there. Keep your hands at your sides.
• DO NOT yawn in public. Or fidget. Or sway from side to side while standing. Stand straight with your hands to the sides of your body. 
• DO NOT show emotion, or fight, in the street.
• DO NOT use hand gestures. NO "thumbs up" or the "OK" sign! Different meanings for different gestures, but most of them in most countries are obscene and rude. Just stay away from using your hands altogether! 
• Place your fork & knife in the 10:4 position on your plate when finished. Knife blade always facing in. This gesture signals you are finished with your meal. The waiters know. They are trained. 
• DO NOT eat or drink while walking down the street, or drink coffee in your car or on public transportation! Eating & drinking on the street or out in public is considered rude. Find a quiet bench in a park, sit & enjoy! 
• DO NOT use your hands when talking. Again, the dreaded hand gestures!
• Business is NOT discussed during dinner. It may be discussed during coffee. 
• Dress is casual chic, conservative and clean. Always veer toward the more formal. Black and beige clothing is best for blending in. Blending into any culture is key. No tube tops, bra straps showing, or sleeveless tops with arms showing. Collars are a must for men. NO old worn out  shoes or filthy sandals with dirty, unpolished feet. It's "Ugly American" tacky. Doormen look at your shoes. Shopgirls look at your purse.  
• Please, NO SHORTS for men in the evening. It's not dignified (the "Ugly American" again) & it is considered disrespectful.  
• ASK PERMISSION before taking a photo of someone. 
• Family is the #1 priority. Education is #2. Where you are from is #3. Different priorities when asking people about themselves. 
• DO NOT slap someone on the back. DO NOT snap your fingers. DO NOT whistle. DO NOT chew gum in public. Rude.
• The salad course comes LAST. Good for the digestion. Helps starve off a cravings for sweets. 
• Cheese and fruit may also be served after the salad. Also helps in craving sweets.
• "Air Kissing" is popular in many European Countries. 1 or 2 cheeks. Men and/or Women. Check the specific Country.
• Tips are included in the Bill. They are anywhere from 10% - 18%. "SERVICE COMPRIS" or "DIENST INBEGREPEN" is printed on the bottom  of the check. DO NOT rely on the waiter or Manager to tell you the truth. My husband and I were on Honeymoon in St. Barth's at a very nice restaurant, and heard a Texas couple ask the waiter if the service was included. The waiter slyly said "No" although "Service Compris" was clearly listed at the bottom of the check. This lack of etiquette knowledge cost the couple $40. Happens all the time. If the service is very good, leave a small extra cash tip on the table when leaving.
• If you want the check, you must ask for it. "Signer s'il vous plait." You may use a signing hand gesture here. The one time a hand gesture is understood without a translation problem (one hand as a paper, one hand as a pen signing). It is polite and tradition to hang out after the meal and enjoy your evening, perhaps also with a cognac, or a 2 oz. port or rum. The waiter, chef and restaurant will be pleased. This is why a small bit of cash is traditionally left on the table after the "Service Compris" bill is paid.
• Vermouth or Cinzano are served BEFORE dinner.
• Beware of drinking in other countries. For example: Belgian Beer has a higher alcohol content than US beer. Italians and Greeks consider it rude if one gets drunk in public.  
• DO NOT drink to excess in Europe or the Middle East or especially in Italy or Greece. It is considered rude and is dangerous now in a more dangerous world. 
• If you ask for "Whisky" you may be served SCOTCH Whisky. Be specific when ordering.
• In the UK and Europe, husbands/wives/partners ARE NOT seated next to each other at Dinner Parties. This way you get to know other guests.  
• Just as in Downton Abbey, in the middle of the meal, the Host will "turn" and speak to the person seated to his left. The guest of honor is seated on the right, so is spoken with first by the host. This "turning" by the host is the "signal" for everyone else to "turn." 
• Chrysanthemums are FUNERAL flowers. Stay away from giving white or red flowers. 
• DO stand for all introductions. 
• It is bad luck and considered rude to point your knife blade out facing someone else or point your chopsticks at someone else. 
• Women always extend their hand first for an introduction. 
• DO NOT leave coins, or a penny for a tip. Considered an insult. In college as a lunch and dinner waitress, I was left one penny by an Italian gentleman who complained his "French Dip" sandwich was not rare. French Dip NEVER arrives rare unless you happen to catch the chef pulling the roast fresh out of the oven. 
• When in Russia or the Middle East, be careful in admiring any object, you may end up with it. Many Old European mannered persons offer their guest "whatever you choose." A Russian Nanny friend painted a dozen eggs, and offered me my choice of egg. One of the best, most favorite, & most memorable gifts I have ever been given. 
• In Middle Eastern cultures, not sharing (for example, a Birthday Cake in a Restaurant) opens one up to the "Evil Eye" of envy, jealousy and greed which makes one venerable. 
• In some Middle Eastern countries, shoes are associated with fertility. Also, the soles of your shoes are considered dirty. DON'T cross your legs at the knee and show the sole of your shoes. Keep your feet on the floor. Also, to throw your shoes at someone is to insult them.
• Cesar thought when Ester spilled the salt at the table (very expensive seasoning then) she was summoning the Devil. If you spill the salt at the table, throw some over your left shoulder for good luck.
• Again, just like Downton Abbey, banging the Gong once to summon everyone to dinner originates from the eclipse. The "Sky Dog" eats the Sun, and the gong is beat to chase the Sky Dog away! 
• The Concierge means "care taker." Take care of the Concierge with a nice tip and they will take care of you!

Travel safely, travel well, and enjoy your new found "Old European" manners knowledge!  

A Paradigm Shift in Society for the New Millennia & Millennials & Sprezzatura!

A paradigm shift is here. Gone are the old European Victorian etiquette & manners of the last Century. Here are the new rules (etiquette) and behaviors (manners) of the new millennium, brought in by the now Millennial generation, coming into a firm adulthood at 30 years of age. Different set of charms. Different set of graces. Different ways of verbal and written communication. Different priorities in their daily lives. Neither better nor worse, because in the end, human nature does not change. It's  just different.

We older generations may not like it. It's not our way. To us it holds no charm. No grace. No trust. Little gratitude. But, Millennials have not grown up like we older ones did. No exploring, playing "Kick the Can" or riding bikes all over the neighborhood with all the nearby kids completely unsupervised until dinner or dark. Millennials have working Moms and have had to have every single activity supervised. After school activities are also supervised whether it be a Dance Class or Lacrosse practice. Weekend activities are supervised too, as are Summer activities.    

Gone are the days of "The customer is always right." Now, one has to chat up any customer service representative and follow their instruction to the "T." No trust shown to the customer. Instead, you, the customer, must prove you are to be trusted. No small talk allowed. No sense of humor allowed. Yet, at the end of each fact only, exhausting 40 minute phone call or in store experience, you may or may not accomplish your task needed. You may have to start all over again with a Supervisor. If you don't follow instruction to their "T", as well, you may be disconnected and have to start over. So, just be ready for a minimum 40 minute phone call, and have all your documents, account numbers and a credit card ready.

We older ones, raised with our Grandparents born with parents from the Victorian Age were taught discretion. Be gentle. Be kind. Don't ever complain. Be diplomatic in your statements about religion and politics. It is rude to give your unsolicited opinion, verbally or in writing. We wrote quite differently that we spoke. No longer. Millennials write just like they talk. The Online world is their Kingdom. Their Universe. They are more insular in their relationships and lives. More introspective. To them, the unsupervised outside world is not to be trusted, so they will tell you Online exactly how they think and exactly how they feel. We older ones may read it or consider it to be rude, but Millennials do not. It's how they operate. It is how they live, and it's their world now.  

All in all, Human nature does not change all that much. We all want to be loved. To be accepted. To be polite. To be liked. To be respectful and respected. We all want that elusive Sprezzatura! To do better. To get along socially and in business. We all want to succeed and be happy for ourselves and our families. We all seek respite from an always changing, ever angry and tough world. 

The important thing to remember about finding happiness today, is to each find our "nitch." Our balance. Life in little increments. Learning from our mistakes and failings. Waking up anew every day and trying to do better. Working on our flaws and listening to family & friends. Forgiving others their sins and cruel behaviors towards us and not worrying about them at all or removing ourselves from those situations. Giving a bad situation or conversation 3 minutes for the other person to vent, then changing direction by politely and diplomatically leaving the conversation or room. 

Life is not easy. It's one thing after another. It is a survival of the fittest world. The more we do every day to stay "fit", the better we will get along and go along. Versatility is the key. Changing direction is crucial. As my brilliant Step-Sister said at age 15: "Accept, adapt, and move on! "

How Not To Be A Tacky Tourist Target

Traveling can be exhilarating, and exhausting! Sometimes, traveling is a bad Murphy's Law adventure you can't control. Don't fret! What you can control is how you blend in, speak to others, react, and behave. Here are some "Do and Don't" tips:

• DO exchange your currency at your local bank before you travel. Allow 10 days to 2 weeks for this service. You will get the most reliable exchange rate. NEVER exchange currency with anyone on the street.

• DO speak politely, softly, and slowly so you may blend in to your surroundings and culture. Learn a few "Magic Words" to show respect for the local language (Thank You, Please, You're Welcome) and use these magic words always. 

• DO wear "casual chic" black or beige plain clothes & dark walking shoes so that you may blend in. NEVER wear a visible "fanny pack" as this item labels you as a tourist. Online Sporting companies  have versatile  travel clothing with hidden zippers, etc. Or, like my Mother, you can safety pin your cash into your underclothes and hide cash inside your shoes.

• DO dress up a bit with a clean collared shirt, clean shoes, pressed pants or skirt. Dressing up a bit is always better because you can choose to have lunch at The 21 Club (no jeans allowed) or have lunch at The Cotton Club in Mustique (collared shirts required) and have Afternoon Tea at a fancy hotel, or walk into the nicest hotel you have ever seen like you belong, and use their lovely, clean and safe ground floor restroom. Always carry a few small bills for the restroom attendant.

• DO immerse yourself into local culture, local customs and local cuisine. You may find a new favorite food!

• DO Pause, look, listen and learn! DO always look for the room exit signs and pick a seat facing the door. Always be aware of an exit strategy. Including the plane, you will have 90 seconds. DO wear covered shoes. Hard to run through darkness, smoke and over broken glass in sandals or flip flops. 

• DO learn a few "magic words." (Please, Thank You, You're Welcome, May I) The locals will very much appreciate your efforts!

• DO travel with a small, thin "travel wallet." Only bring ID's & Documents you need. Try to book a room with a safe and place your Passport and some cash inside that safe. Fit your travel wallet into your FRONT pocket, or buy a travel shirt with hidden inside pockets that have zippers. Put some cash in your shoe. Safety pin some cash inside your bra. I have a friend who keeps her "mad money" and lipstick in her cleavage! Ha!

• DO keep copies of your Passport and Prescriptions in the room safe.

• DO check out where the local Pharmacy is located. Have the name, phone number & E-mail of your GP at the ready for emergency "E-Script" Prescriptions. 

• DO Tip the Concierge, the counter Clerk, the Taxi Driver, the Bellman, the Rest Room attendant, and tip when asking for directions. Save up small bills all year to do so. You WILL receive better service and tables! It's amazing! 

• DO NOT bring fine jewelry or designer purses with you while traveling. This goes for flashy fake jewelry or fake designer purses too. Muggers will not know the difference. NEVER place the strap of the purse or man bag across your neck. ALWAYS hang the strap off of one shoulder. Keep your hand on your purse and zipper in the front covered by your hand. Muggers will knock you to the ground to get the strap off of your body. 

• Best NOT to travel with any rings, necklaces or watches. Bring only what you can afford to lose. Tuck your modest necklaces in and turn your rings if you choose to wear them. NEVER take your rings off when washing your hands. In 1966, my Grandmother took off her wedding rings in the lovely Ladies' restroom at Saks Fifth Avenue in New York to wash her hands and they were stolen, right from under her eyes! 

• DO NOT walk down the street looking up at the buildings as you will look like a lost tourist.

• DO NOT walk down the street eating or drinking. Considered rude!

• DO NOT yawn, touch your head, fidget or walk with your hands in your pockets.

• DO NOT talk in slang or tell jokes as they may not translate well.

• DO NOT talk about politics or religion.

• DO NOT use hand gestures at all. Many hand gestures are obscene in other countries. Each country differs, but best to stay away from hand gestures all together.

• DO NOT wear white tennis shoes. Tacky Tourist Target! Wear black tennis shoes if you must.

• DO NOT wear a "Fanny Pack." Tacky Tourist Target! May as well hand over all your valuables.

• DO NOT expect Hotel room accommodations to be the same as American Hotels. Space is at a premium in big cities. You are paying for space. 

                    Remember: Blend in! Enjoy local culture, customs, cuisine and conversation!

                  Plan a loose schedule and learn a few "magic words" in the local language.

              Traveling can be stressful, exhausting & confusing.

            Rest, rehydrate and use caution always.

 

How to be a Good Gift Giver!

Today I received one of the most complimentary "Thank You" notes of all time! One of my best and dearest friends thanked me for a "perfect gift." Cleverly, she wrote: "I have always wondered if you have a closet somewhere stocked full of perfect gifts for friends." She's close!

The secret to being a good gift giver is thinking of that person when you spot an item. Doesn't matter when or where. Best to be alert and aware when shopping.

The "perfect gift" will reveal itself at any time, so be ready! When you are browsing Online, perusing on Amazon, shopping for someone else or for yourself, and you see an item reminding you of a friend or family member, buy it then and there! Keep the gift in a closet or cabinet until the special occasion or the Holiday season arrives.

This strategy includes Gift Cards. As I once heard a teenager say, one does not want to give a "loser gift card" (Gift Cards from stores the person does not shop with). Make sure your gift card will be useful to the recipient. It's SO nice to be organized!

The best time of year to browse is in January and July when everything is on 50% off sale!

This way, you are all ready for the busy Fall season and done with your shopping for the Holidays!

Being a good gift giver involves thinking of the other person, not thinking of yourself.

Practice on little fun gifts and work your way up to the important, significant gifts.

Good luck and good thoughts about others!