A lovely UVA college senior, May Holstad, interviewed me for a business etiquette article (Welcome Inc. 2002-2003 Issue, www.richmag.com, "Missed Manners"). She was from China. She shared a cute, local Chinese superstition during our interview:
If a girl holds her chopsticks close to the base, she will marry someone near to where she lives. If she holds her chopsticks close to the top, she will marry someone far away.
Eating in the Asian style is not hard or impossible. It's actually fun, if you practice, and it's fun to practice in just 3 easy steps Hold the first chopstick in the hollow of your thumb and rest it on your middle finger. Hold the second chopstick like a pencil. Hold the 1st steady in position, and move the 2nd back & forth. Practice with popcorn! First one piece, then 2, and so on.
Interestingly enough, many Asian etiquette & manners and social traditions were adopted by the Europeans, as were many Fine china designs with the Tea trade in the 15th Century. So, many of the Asian etiquette & manners are the same as many of the Old European etiquette & manners.
First and paramount in all Asian cultures is "saving face." Asians do not like "losing face." Honor, etiquette and manners are very important.
Asian Dining Tips:
- Never stand your chopsticks straight up in a bowl of rice! Rude!
- DO NOT ever point your chopsticks at another person. Very rude.
- Always use the large ends of your chopsticks to serve yourself from the platter.
- Dining is often "family style." Dishes are all placed on the table "Buffet Style", so help yourself.
- Always sample every dish. You may find a new favorite food!
- The soul is thought to reside in one's head. DO NOT touch your head or face while eating. Interestingly enough, in this new age of COVID19, this Asian and old European manner is back in Vogue!
- DO NOT set your chopsticks or knife (if you are given Western utensils) on the table. This act is considered bad luck. Set them on the chopstick or knife rest or on your plate.
- Belch, slurp and clang! It is considered a compliment to the chef.
- Don't take the last helping of anything. Superstition says this is bad luck.
- DO NOT eat food directly from the platter. It is not your personal plate!
- A meal may be up to 12 courses, and may last up to 2-3 hours. Take small portions, take your time, taste everything, and enjoy!
- Shark Fin soup is a delicacy. Try it!
- You may be given a hot finger towel at the end of the meal rather than a napkin.
- Oranges or fruits may be served last, signifying the end of the meal.
- The "Guest of Honor" sits facing the door.
- To beckon the waiter, extend your arm & hand out, palm down and make scratching motions with your fingers. Pointing your index finger is considered rude.
- Asians are close talkers, but no PDA.
- Handshaking is soft. Keep your space. Do not stand too close. NO hugging. NO "air kissing." A slight bow from the waist is appreciated.
- In bowing, keep your arms at your sides. Back straight. Eyes down. SLIGHTLY bow at the waist. The inferior person bows longer and lower.
- One may nod to give a verbal salutation.
- Western style handshakes are becoming more popular.
- Sit with both feet on the floor. Showing the soles of your shoes is an insult.
- DO NOT cross or swing your legs at the table. Women only may cross their ankles at the table.
- Toast: "Yum-Boui" = Cheers! "Gan bei" = Bottoms up!
- Formal "Family"names are used until invited to use first "given" names.
- Service charge may be included and should be listed on your check.
- Dress is conservative, clean and modest. No bare arms for women. No tube tops or bra straps showing for women. Modest skirts or slacks for women. Jacket & tie may be required in some European hotels. NO SHORTS in the evening. Long pants for men.
- Shake hands with everyone upon meeting and leaving.
- Smiling can be interpreted as confusion or humiliation. Asian girls are taught not to smile.
- Eye contact should be quick. DO NOT stare. Asian Mothers use staring as punishment for bad children.
- Higher ranking adults are introduced first, and women before men.
- Never point with your finger. Rude!
- Never wink.
- Speak quietly. Don't fidget.
- Cover your mouth if you yawn.
- DO NOT blow your nose or wipe your nose at the table. Excuse yourself to the restroom.
- If you choose to use Western silverware, eat in the "Continental Style."
- Pass and gesture with your right hand only. The left hand is used for toileting and is considered "dirty."
- The "OK" hand gesture means "money." Stay away from hand gestures.
- Clerks may place your change on the counter. Don't be insulted. NO touching.
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