Happy Thanksgiving To All

From my book: "Forget-Me-Not, Forget-Me-Never, Remember The Fun We Had Together."

To Dear Carie:
I wish you health,
I wish you wealth,
I wish you a golden store,
I wish you heaven after death,
... That I can wish you more.
Your schoolmate
Rosa Ashner

A belated Happy Thanksgiving. Hope everyone had some family and/or friends around to celebrate with and some time off from work. We have lots to be thankful for and life is good!

Re-gifting - Please, Just Say No !!

Who wants to receive a gift someone else does not want? Re-gifting is a relatively new talked about trend with twenty and thirty-somethings. It must have grown out of our Reality Show and Red Carpet culture of excess and greed of late. Re-gifting is dishonest, lazy, heartless and the gift never seems to be quite right, n'est-ce pas? Yet, everyone is re-gifting and talking about doing it!
Recipients are smart, sophisticated and can smell subterfuge. If ever found out, and the truth always comes out, re-gifting can ruin a friendship and familial ties, not to mention your bosses opinion of you.
Worn boxes and old tape. A calling card hidden in the old tissue paper from the last time the unwanted gift was recycled. A numbered tag left on a wedding present from the last organizational bridal gift kit. A custom made, hand needle pointed purse left on a closet door re-gifted from a different cousin with the well known dog's name and dog's likeness in the design of the purse discovered by the original gift giver during a random house tour. The horror stories go on and on, and are stories of woe from intelligent, professional people who think they can beat the system and somehow fool all of the people all of the time.
Gifts, by tradition, are NOT obligatory. They are by nature given freely from the heart in good conscience without expecting anything in return. Giving someone else a gift you do not want with a big smile on your face signifies to those in the know, or those who will find out, that you do not care enough about the recipient to put any time or thought (never mind money) into a present for them.
Gift giving should be from the heart, so have a heart! If you are short on cash money, make a hand made card and bake something yummy to signify your care and love.
Celebrate what is actually important in life: friends and family. Give your unwanted gifts to charity and the truly needy.

Re-gifting...just say NO !!

Silver Spoons, Champagne and Patina

Born with a sterling silver spoon in your mouth? Have any sterling silver spoons in your sideboard from your wedding or inherited from your grandmother? The following are tips to help you maintain your sterling silver and other uses for spoons!

• Placing a sterling silver spoon in your mouth while chopping an onion will alleviate the stinging and tears from your eyes.
• Placing any spoon (sterling or stainless) into a cold open champagne bottle will keep the bubbles from evaporating, and keeps your champagne fresh!
• Sterling silver ONLY (never silver plate) cleaned with jewelers' rouge and lighter fluid resists tarnish and finger-marks longer than any other method. Be sure to lightly rub the cloth in the same linear direction. Never rub in circles. Do not EVER clean silver plate using this method as it will remove the silver plate.
• Silver wrapped in linen, then in newspaper kept in a clean, dry, cool cabinet will keep well.
• Salt will quickly tarnish silver. For salt stains, rub sterling silver with damp salt.
• Lemon and seafood will also quickly tarnish silver.
• One may wash sterling silver in the dishwasher if a few rules are obeyed. Only use plain detergent and only use one teaspoon of detergent. Never use lemon detergent with sterling silver as the acid from the lemon will tarnish and may pit out the sterling silver. Do not place antique sterling silver knives made before about 1880 in the dishwasher as they may have plaster inside the sterling handles, thus may explode in the dishwasher. Always test one knife first before washing all other knives just in case!
• Lemon detergent is bad for china and crystal as well. It removes the clear glaze over time. Lemon detergent is great for pots and pans only!
• Do not place sterling silver in the same dish cycle with stainless. The two metals do not like each other and you risk pitting out the sterling silver.
• Use the dishwasher's "Gentle" cycle and "Air Dry" cycle only. NEVER use the "Heat" cycle. It is too hot and is bad for your sterling flat silver, fine china and crystal too.
• A little olive oil rubbed over silver before it is put away will prevent it from becoming tarnished. When ready for use, wash it warm soapy water and dry thoroughly.
• Use your sterling every day, wash it in the dishwasher and you will only have to clean it about once a year!
• Tarnished silver can be quickly cleaned with a cloth sprinkled with bicarbonate of soda.
• Purists (like myself) adore sterling with its Patina giving it a luster found only with age. Buffing off the Patina will not only remove its Patina but will remove valuable microns of silver.

Enjoy your old sterling silver...like new!

The Tintinnabulation of Telling The Truth

Can't you just hear the sound of your Mother's voice ringing in your ears to: "Tell the truth." As a child and young person, this practice is preferable as you are under your parents' care and roof.

As a young person, you may see your Mother smile and hear her say hello and continue polite small talk with a woman at the supermarket you know she dislikes. Your Mother tells you this is OK as she does not want to hurt this woman's feelings or have this woman realize she is not liked. You also notice your Uncle Chester says he feels fine when you know he has been sick lately. Your Mother tells you this is OK too as Uncle Chester does not want anyone to know he has been feeling poorly.

Then, you grow up. So, then what? OK, lets recap: Tell the truth but never make anyone else feel bad, embarrass them or let them know your true feelings if it will hurt their feelings. Wait a minute, what about the truth? What happened to telling the truth? Truly, what is the truth?

To help you decipher the truth here are some famous and not so famous quotes:

• "If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything." - Mark Twain
• You never find yourself until you face the truth." - Pearl Bailey
• Unthinking respect for authority is the greatest enemy of truth." - Albert Einstein
• The truth is rarely pure and never simple." - Oscar Wilde
• "The truth shall make you free." - Jesus, The Bible, John 8:32
• "Love truth, and pardon error." - Voltaire
• "I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not." - Kurt Cobain
• "To thine own self be true." - Shakespeare
• "Half of a comment spoken in jest is thought to be a truth by the speaker." - unknown
• "Telling the truth does not make it the right answer."- Katherine Barrett Baker

So, be true to yourself without making anyone else feel bad. It is the greatest balancing act ever and forever on end. If you can accomplish this feat every day, you will probably become a diplomat. What is the definition of a diplomat? One of the definitions of a diplomat is: "Doing nothing and saying nothing nicely." Ruugh Roough...here we go again!

Remember, Friends & Family Are Forever

In Remembrance of September 11, 2001. Never Forget, friends and family are forever.

Cayuga Lake Girls Celebrate The End Of Summer, 1905

From my book: "Forget-Me-Not, Forget-Me-Never, Remember The Fun We Had Together"

Since the year 1905,

There's been on Cayuga shores,

A jolly bunch of happy girls,

Who are able to use the oars,

The object is to have some fun,

In the very best kind of way,

From early morn 'till setting sun,

They dance the livelong day !

Happy Labor Day!

Napkin Etiquette - Going To A Labor Day BBQ Over The Holiday?

Ever been to a BBQ or Crab Picking at the beach or river where the paper napkins are all covered in butter and sauce and all balled up in a big mess? Then to add insult to injury, gross out icky napkins all balled up placed on the picnic tables while the rest of us are still eating. Yuck!

Yes, BBQ and Crab Pickings are messy, but do you have to be a gooey mess too? No. It takes a bit of labor, but try to treat your paper napkin like a cloth napkin. Use a few napkins and fold them like a cloth napkin. Do not ball them up then place them on top of your paper plate or on top of the table while others are still eating.

If you have made a mess, clean it up, pick it up, then get up from the table and throw away your napkins and plate. You might even ask if anyone wants another iced tea! Return to the table to finish your tea and chat! The persons whom are still eating will appreciate your effort and will enjoy their meal more.

Merci beaucoup! Enjoy the Labor Day Holiday!

20 Years of 20 Questins: Top 10 Dating Tips For Gals

Perusing the SATC2 Website the other day, psychologist and author Pamela Diane King has posted excerpts from her e-book:"10 Dating Lessons From SATC" (the series) and they are as follows:

1. Stalking is not sexy.


2. Technology is not your friend.


3. Throw away your "Perfect Man" list.


4. Drama does not equal passion.


5. Taking a "break" is "guy code" for a break up.


6. Know when to let go.


7. Love can be an addiction.


8. Taking a vacation is the best break up remedy.


9. Love is a roller coaster.


10. The most important relationship you have is with yourself.

After 20 years of 20 questions myself, I thought I would reply to her top ten and post my version:

1. If you are "stalking" someone else, whether in cyberspace or in person, you need to step back, acknowledge your own OCD behavior and move on. Join a gym, a choir at church, take a night class or any other activity to get out more. If someone else is stalking you or sleeping on your doorstep, you need to call the cops and form a working relationship with a police detective.


2. A beau may forgive you for what you have said but you can NEVER unwrite what has been written. Paper letters can be kept and may be shown around, but any negative comment or breaking up with a beau on the Internet sites like Facebook or an E-mail is seen by all and can be sent to everyone instantly, including future employers. Public writing is absolutely powerful and can corrupt absolutely and forever more.


3. The word 'Perfect" is unattainable, unrealistic in every sense and should be stricken from the dictionary. The boundaries and behaviors of love include acceptance, forgiveness and what is a 'deal breaker' in your book.


4. Drama, drama, drama. Drama should be left up on center stage. Some people are addicted to drama and chaos. Manic behavior and chaos are their best friend. They don't know how to live without it and if they do not have it in their lives constantly, they will create it for themselves (and you). This dramatic behavior is also called manic/depressive or bi-polar disorder. All I can say is: RUN. Don't look back. Don't have any regrets, ever. You are much better getting OFF this particular roller coaster.


5. If your beau ever asks you for a "break" from your relationship, you "man up" and break up with him right then and there. What a wuss. Plenty of guys out there. Date a MAN.


6. Know what your "deal breakers" are and stick to them to protect yourself. Sometimes guys behave badly so you will break up with them so they do not have to break up with you. Pay attention to these behaviors. Know when enough is enough.


7. Being in love should not be an addiction. The novelty and newness of falling in love can be an addiction. For example: Elizabeth Taylor, Zsa Zsa Gabor, Mickey Rooney.


8. Vacations are great but not by yourself or when you are feeling blue. Put half of your vacation money in a savings account for yourself, grieve, then when feeling better, treat yourself to a nice lunch somewhere lovely, go shopping and spend half the money on a classic, beautiful accessory you will keep for the rest of your life. For example: a designer purse or scarf, a leather wallet, a well fitting quality leather skirt, pants, boots or belt. A mink scarf or hat. A pair of pearl earrings. Breaking up is a bit like a death. Be kind to yourself every day and treat yourself to little things like a long bath or walk or good book or movie, for a while until you feel better.


9. Dating is a roller coaster. Love should not be a roller coaster. Love is hard work, kindness, forgiveness, patience and compromise.


10. The most important relationship you will ever have IS with yourself. If you do not like yourself and hide from yourself, you will not be happy and no one else will be happy with you either. Why should they be?

Be good to yourself, know your own top 10 tips and enjoy dating!

How Many Habitual Electronic Friends Do You Have and How Much Stress Is In Your Home?

How many TVs, computers, I-Pods, I-Pads, X-Boxes, Guitar Heros, Guitar Bands, DVD players, CD players, Stereos, Radios and Weather Radios do you have in your home? How many of each are on simultaneously and all the time?

How many times per week, on average, does your family eat at the table? Any table. Dining room table, Kitchen table, Coffee table or TV trays in the Family room?

Here's how to take the stress out of your home and simplify your family life quickly. Turn all the previously mentioned gadgets OFF. Sit at the table and all eat dinner. Each person take an uninterrupted turn at talking about the favorite moment of your day. It does not really matter what y'all talk about, as long as it is relatively positive and y'all are all together.

After dinner, everyone go on a walk outside. If it is raining or freezing outside, go into a different room and all eat dessert together. If y'all do not eat sweets, have some decaffeinated coffee, fruit and cheese.

After dessert, meet in the den or living room and play cards, a game, or do a puzzle together and pick one person to read aloud from a book to everyone. Any book, but preferably one of the classics that is fitting and age appropriate. Charles Dickens, Emily Dickinson, Keats, Shakespeare, Art, Art History, any History, any Biography.

Reading is freeing. Reading tells us that others have similar or the same daily struggles no matter how hard or particular our own struggles may seem.

Getting fed up with life sometimes and our own common struggles is easy. Turning OFF our electronic companions may be hard especially when they are always on and there are so many of these habitual "friends" around.

So, TURN ALL ELECTRONICS OFF and be with yourself or your family quietly and be rid of the electronic distractions and stress!

Eye Contact Etiquette Tips - Pause, Look and Listen

The eyes ...little mirrors to the soul...les yeux. Do you have problems with eye contact? Are you shy? Sometimes timid? What about traveling to foreign countries? What are their social and business customs regarding eye contact?

The following are a few tips to help you look others straight in the eyes when needed for introductions and business meetings:

• The next time you have an introduction, try looking at the spot right in between the other person's eyebrows.
• Americans believe clear, strong eye contact is important during conversation. Direct eye contact is a silent signal signifying attention and honesty. Averting eye contact or looking away during conversation implies dishonesty or lack of interest and it is considered to be distracting or rude to the person whom is speaking.
• The British do make eye contact but at an angle rather than directly.
• In many Latin countries direct eye contact is considered to be an aggressive gesture.
• In many Asian countries, children when bad, are punished by either parent staring at them for extended periods of time.
• In South Korea, making eye contact is important in business. It shows sincerity and forms a subtle, but significant bond between individuals.
• In Thailand, eye contact is used to facilitate a need. For example, to summon a waiter, all you must do is to catch their eye, and raise your eyebrows to get immediate service.
• Middle Easterners look long and deeply into each person's eyes to search their souls and determine from the dilation of the pupils the other person's interest.

So, for your next introduction, pause, look and listen!

International Handshaking Hints

Traveling on vacation a bit more this summer for the Labor Day holiday? Junior year in College abroad? Business meetings overseas? Take a minute to read a few tips on international handshaking:

• USA: Firm, solid grip with 2-3 strokes
• France: Light grip and 1 brisk stroke
• Germany: Firm grip and 1 stroke
• Latin Cultures: Light grip and linger 2x as long as USA handshake
• Middle East: Limp and lingering grip only. Never a stroke.
• Russia: Firm grip and 1 stroke
• Japan: Light grip, 3-4 gentle strokes
• Australia: Firm grip and 2 strokes

Travel safely and smart. Enjoy!

Key To The Place Setting Universe

The key to the place setting universe is:

Work Your Way From The Outside, In

Simple, really!

Life does not have to be complicated and you do not have to be intimidated!

Finger Bowl Follies, Foibles and Faux-Pas...Who Cares?

Old and high fashioned, out of date, too formal and fancy, stuffy Victorian accoutrement! When in the world would one ever see, much less use a finger bowl? Who cares? I'll tell you who cares: Those In The Know.

Yes. I have at my finger tips an entire plethora of finger biting, finger bowl faux-pas stories involving very well educated, very well paid professionals, and high society players .

One story involves one lawyer at his own Junior Partner dinner celebration. Beautifully educated at a private school, a prestigious university and a paramount law school, he drank his finger bowl in front of his peers and Senior Partners. Not wanting to embarrass him then, Those In The Know quietly drank their finger bowls as well. The perennial problem began Monday morning around the water cooler when this Junior Partner's reputation became company folklore, forever pegging him as "the dude who drank his finger bowl." Those in the Know thought to themselves: "If he missed the finger bowl etiquette, what else did he miss?" The story of this finger bowl faux-pas also permeated company walls and got around town. Needless to say, this lawyer has never made Senior Partner. Who cares? You should!

Maybe you will only see one finger bowl in your entire lifetime, at an important company dinner, or paramount social gathering, or on your Honeymoon. I guarantee, you will want to know how to recognize the finger bowl, its variations, and how to manipulate your finger bowl. You do not want to embarrass yourself at what will likely be a most important night in your professional or personal life.

Alright, so maybe you know enough not to drink it because it may have one half slice of lemon, lime or a sprig of a green garnish in it, and you know how to use it, but do you know enough about what to do with a doily or where to place your finger bowl when done, or what to do when the finger bowl is served on top of a dessert plate instead of its own stand? What if it is also served with a dessert fork and dessert spoon? What to do?

The following are a few tips to help avoid fumbling with your finger bowl:

When using your finger bowl, daintily dab the tips of your fingers, one hand at a time, into the warm water, then slowly place each hand in your napkin to dry.

Sometimes, finger bowls are served with their own "stands" (plate), which makes for easy manipulation.

• Lift the entire bowl and stand with BOTH hands and place it to the upper left of your plate when done.

Sometimes, finger bowls are served with a paper or lace & linen doily on top of the dessert plate.

Sometimes, the dessert fork and dessert spoon also are placed on top of the doily on top of the dessert plate.

• First, "place" your dessert fork and spoon onto your place setting in front of you at the table. The dessert fork is placed to the left and your dessert spoon to the right of your dessert plate.
• Second, use the finger bowl.
• Third, when done with the finger bowl, be sure to remove the doily AND bowl with BOTH hands and place it to the upper left of your dessert plate. This way, the waiter can place your dessert onto your dessert plate directly, and does not have to place your silverware for you, or move your doily out of the way.

Always use both hands when moving the finger bowl, no matter how small. Yes, I have many stories about spilled finger bowls all over the table after one has had one's hands in the water...yuck!

Yes, I also have a story about a wealthy male suitor during the 1950's at THE fancy lunch of the intended fiance's Victorian parents. The wealthy suitor certainly knew what a finger bowl was, but did not know to remove the lovely linen doily on top of his dessert plate. The butler stood at his side with dessert in hand in silence for a minute until the suitor finally figured out he needed to also remove his doily....then the thought of what to do with the lovely linen doily flashed through his head as the finger bowl has already been placed. Doily dilemma! The wealthy suitor finally placed the doily quickly in his lap, thanked the butler, tasted the chocolate dessert, then quickly complimented the host and hostess, his future In-Laws. They must have liked him very much. Doily disaster dashed! Phew!

Yes, who cares about the Victorians or the 1950's? Who cares about removing your doily or placing your dessert spoon yourself ? Who cares about the etiquette of finger bowls? Those In The Know care!

Calling Card Usage In The Military, In Diplomatic Circles, With Butlers & On Sterling Salvers

Y'all have all seen the old movies as the butler in formal dress stiffly walks into the library and presents the gentleman or lady of the house with a calling card on a tiny silver tray.

Possibly you have received a wedding gift or flowers with a calling card inside and the formal name of the gift giver has one fine pen line through it and the informal name written below. The sender traditionally writes in pencil if the gift is delivered in person, and fine pen if the gift is mailed or delivered by messenger.

Maybe you have also seen these calling cards attached to the flowers on top of the coffin of an international figure in death, such as Princess Diana.

Calling cards serve other purposes in addition to merely a call. Most often today, we see them enclosed inside wedding presents, flowers, birthday and anniversary gifts, graduation gifts and condolences. Did you also know Calling cards may be sent with letters of introduction and may be sent with acceptances or regrets for informal (but never formal) social events.

Brief messages may be written on calling cards. For example, most often, one sees a message such as: "For a lifetime of happiness" or "Best Wishes" written on a calling card for a wedding. Messages written on calling cards are also still traditionally used in military and diplomatic circles to convey the appropriate message in French.

Most High School Seniors order their first box of calling cards and send them out with their graduation announcements.

A "salver" is a small tray on which calling cards, letters, cards or refreshments are placed for handing to people. Most often today, salvers are seen at auction houses or antique stores, and are usually sterling silver, nickle silver or another metal. The salver may have the family crest or monogram engraved on the face of the tray.

The following list are abbreviations used to convey traditional messages in French:

• p.p. (pour presenter) - To present, to introduce. Used only on the card of a senior officer accompanying the card of the subordinate.
• p.f. (pour feliciter) - To congratulate. Used for national holidays and other special occasions.
• p.c. (pour condoler) - To condole. To express sympathy. Used at the death of a national figure.
• p.r. (pour remercier) - To thank. Thanks for a gift, courtesy received, a congratulations. Can also be sent in response to "p.f." and "p.c." messages.
• p.p.c. (pour prendre conge) - To say good-bye or take leave. Indicates one is leaving town.
• p.f.n.a. (pour faire nouvel an) - Happy New Year. To extend greetings at the new year.
• p.m. (pour memoire) - To remind.

If the corner of the calling card is turned in, this indicates the following:

• Upper Left-hand corner - A Visit.
• Upper Right-hand corner - A Congratulations.
• Lower Left-hand corner - Taking leave.
• Lower Right-hand corner - A Condolence.

Voila! Now you are one of those in the know.

Service a la Francaise, a la Russe & a l'Anglaise, and Service American Style

With daily life as casual as it is today, it still helps to know the Forms Of Service you may encounter at a wedding, company function, family celebration, Christmas party, vacation, or maybe you will one day get an invitation to the White House!

The following are 4 Forms Of Service to be aware of and familiar with for formal occasions:

1. Service a la Francaise: the server presents the arranged platter to the female guests first, from the left. After all the ladies have served themselves from the platter, the server moves to serve all the gentlemen also from the left, and they serve themselves from the platter. Service a la Francaise is considered to be the most formal of all services, and is customary at formal dinners in Europe and in America.
2. Service a la Anglaise: the server presents the platter from the left to the guest and serves the guest. Ladies first, of course. Service a l'anglaise is used for banquets because the server controls the portions and can limit the portions served to the guest.
3. Service a la Russe: The famous chef, Urban DuBois, popularized this service back in the 1860's. Originally, the chef decorated each dish on a fancy platter and a line of servers each with a platter in their arms up above their heads parade around the Dining Room table, showing the guests their creations, then return into the kitchen to carve the meat, fish, poultry, game or other dishes. Then, they return to the table to serve the dish to the guests, ladies first, of course. Today, this service is commonly used in upscale restaurants worldwide. Service a la Russe includes a small serving table, called a gueridon (pedestal table), equipped with a side burner, or rechaud (portable stove). The server rolls the gueridon to the table, cooks and carves the dish and serves the guests. Ladies first again, of course.
4. Service American Style: The server places the food directly onto the plate of the guest either at the table, or in a buffet line. This service has the advantage of being fast and uncomplicated. It does not require professional service.

So, now you know! Pay attention the next time you are out and about and try to guess which Form Of Service you receive!

Dine Like A Diplomat: Sending Silent Signals With Silverware and Napkins

Did you know when dining, you may send the wait staff silent signals regarding the progress of your meal.

Silent signals include placing your silverware in the "I am resting" and "I am finished" positions.

When dining Continental style, and resting, place your silverware in an upside down "V" position with the tips of your knife and fork in the center of the plate and the handles in the 40/20 position, (like a clock). When dining American Style and resting, place your knife on the right top edge of your plate and the fork in the center of your plate in the 10/20 position, (like a clock). When dining Asian Style, place your chopsticks on the chopstick rest.

When finished with the meal and dining Continental Style, or American Style, place your knife above your fork, blade always toward you, in the center of the plate in the 10/20 position, (like a clock). Dining in the Continental Style, your fork tines will be facing down toward the plate. Dining in the American Style, your tines will be facing up. When dining in Asian style and finished, place your chopsticks also in the center of your plate in the 10/20 position.

Be sure to always have the blade of the knife facing you. Never have the blade of the knife facing anyone else and never point your chopsticks at anyone. Dangerous and considered in the Asian culture to be bad luck.

When leaving the table briefly, a silent signal may also be sent to the wait staff with your napkin by placing your napkin on your chair signaling to the waiter "I will return, do not remove my plate."


Now, all you may have to worry about is the wait staff knowing the correct silent signals!

LTTE Regarding T & C Social Graces: "Watch Your Back"

Dear Etiquette Editor:
In the 1960's, my family and I were Yankee transplants into a unique old Southern society of First Families of Virginia who trace their roots back 13 generations to Robert (King) Carter, Mary Randolph and are all cousins.
I was unfairly and relentlessly picked on, badgered and bullied at an Episcopalian girl's school for no other reason than our family did not fit the mold.
We say we teach tolerance but do we practice it daily? Some watch mean Reality TV and laugh at others' follies. With 24 hour Cable news, we learn, from the producers who want ratings, it is an 'either/or' world. We also learn that if one yells over the other person, one wins the conversation, but maybe not the debate as the talking head always cuts to a "hard break."
Technically, we are connected globally yet we remain an ethnocentric society. The #1 rule I teach is: "Leaders always make others feel special." Watch the old black & white movies. Read older books. The "Greatest Generation" went to great lengths to never embarrass another person. They were at the very least civil to each other in public.
With changing times comes good and bad consequences. Different consequences. Because of our more crowded and more dangerous world we live in today, children must have supervised activities. They all have cell phones. They are savvy in ways we parents never were, yet, they are still kids. Parents need to be present and proactive when it comes to their children. Proactive while promoting polite behavior and self-sufficiency.
I was in my 40's before I figured out life on the social fringe rather than inside the social fishbowl was much more fun and fulfilling. Hopefully, each child today will move on from the bullying and learn as they grow to find their own mold. Tomato aspic or green Jell-O?

Are You a Good House Guest? Did You Do Your Duties?

Do you think you were a great house guest this past July 4th weekend? Did you just sit around and let your hosts wait on you hand and foot? Do you think you will be invited back next year? Did you know that guests have duties? The following is a full proof check list of tips to insure another invitation next year:

• Always give a thoughtful, well thought out gift. Make the time to pick out a gift that reflects your host. Some ideas are: liquor or wine, a set of summer drink glasses, a festive serving tray, homemade banana bread for breakfast, antique linen hand towels for the guest bathroom, coffee, a coffee table book all can enjoy, homemade cake or pie for dessert or a few of these gifts! You can also treat the hosts to dinner out at a local restaurant of their choosing.


• Never give a "re-gift." Re-gifting is risky for many reasons. These gifts are never quite right because re-gifting is dishonest. The recipient can always spot a re-gift and a re-gift conveys to the recipient that you did not want to make the time to pick out something special.


• Always make your bed. Keep your room neat. No one wants to have the house guest who lives like a pig.


• Don't offer, just take your plate and others' to the sink after a meal and start doing the dishes.


• Do be considerate about your house habits. Mind your feet on furniture, late night antics, early morning noise, texting, TV clicker hogging, etc.


• If you are of age, Do Not drink too much. No one wants to be around a drunk house guest who will then be hungover the next morning.


• Do be pleasant and present.


• Do not talk about politics or religion. Your Mother was right!


• Do use your magic words, as corny as it may sound, and thank your hosts many times over!

Guests do have duties. Just make sure to help out in general and enjoy your visit!

20 Years of 20 Questions: Single In The City. Wondering What Went Wrong On Your Date

Twenty years ago, one of my roommates set me up with her fiancees friend from Boston for a formal evening. The Virginia Council of Colleges Black Tie dance at The Roosevelt Hotel in the heart of old New York City. I was excited for us all to go out on this quadruple date together. Group dating is usually low pressure as there are always other people talking and lots of action.
The only Black Tie dress I owned was, of course, my Adolfo black velvet short dress with the tulle skirt, since I worked for the designer. I wore that dress for 20 years over and over again. It was my bellwether dress. If it go too tight, I quit eating. I could not afford to buy a new formal dress. This beautiful dress, I knew, was always right.
My date was very good looking and had on a handsome tuxedo. He seemed so nice and smiled, but with his lips closed. He did not have anything to say so, I opened a conversation telling him I had never been to Boston but was reading a book about the history of the oldest and most famous family in Boston, the Cabot family. The book was specific to the rules of etiquette the Cabot family set for Boston society 100 years ago that still apply today. Alright, it was one sentence too much, but usually people love talking about their cities and famous families. No response. Nada. Nothing.
The little voices in my head told me my date did not want to be with me. It was as if he thought he had something else better to do or had another date later on in the evening. My date was not anxious at all, just not "present."
All night long, I gently tried to be very polite to my date. Maybe he was shy like I was as a child. Not talking much more, I introduced him to other friends with thoughtful detail. Politely asking him where he wanted to sit, if he wanted me to bring him a plate from the buffet, if he wanted to dance. Again, nothing. Nada.
Finally, I just sat with him in silence with a pleasant attitude and smile on my face. We silently watched everyone else having a grand time. One half an hour later, at 10:30 p.m., my date asked to take me home. What a bummer. By the time I went home and came back, the dance would be over. I knew so many people here and had paid for my ticket. I wanted to stay, but did not want to be rude. So, my date took me home at 10:30pm.
He kissed me at the door, then said: "Oh, if only I had known you were so interested." Known? Interested? Where had this date's head been all evening? I would have heard from my friends if he had a death in the family, or another trauma in his life. I had been calmly trying all night to be polite and attentive to this out of town date with no response, no reaction at all one way or the other.
So, my wise advice to those out there who go on date after date that sometimes may confound them:

• Sometimes, you are not the problem. The problem is the other person.


• If you do not want to go on a date, DON'T.


• If you do commit to a date (especially a Black Tie event) commit to it and at the very least be pleasant and present.


• If you absolutely cannot stand or tolerate your date, send yourself home. Be gracious. Say you have a headache and pay for the tickets and/or meal. Make sure your date can get themselves home, then politely excuse yourself.


• Remember the #1 rule: Always make the other person feel special.

Dating is difficult. Constantly putting yourself out there. Continuously answering those 20 questions over and over again. Starting friendships. Wondering about any potential for romance. Listening to other people's tales of woe. Telling your tales of woe when asked. Trusting other people. Most of all, protecting your own heart and listening to the little voices of reason in your own head.

Keep the faith, be true to yourself, and keep on getting out there!

Remember, Friends & Family Are Forever - Happy Memorial Day

From my Book; Forget-Me-Not, Forget-Me-Never, Remember The Fun We Had Together:

In Memory of All of Our Fallen: Soldiers and Sailors Monument,

New York City, 1907

Asian Dining Tips,Chinese Folklore & Popcorn

There is an old Chinese proverb that says if you hold your chopsticks close in, you will marry someone living nearby and if you hold your chopsticks far up, you will marry someone living in a far land.

So, how do you hold your chopsticks? Can you hold your chopsticks? Do you need a bit of practice or shall we start from the beginning?

In order to eat proficiently at a Sushi Bar with friends, or in a Chinese restaurant with business associates, you need to understand the following principals:

1. Cradle the middle of one chopstick in the hollow of your right or left thumb and palm with the narrow end resting on the third finger. Firm up your grip of the chopstick by using your upper thumb to press the chopstick securely against the tip of the fourth finger.
2. Add the second chopstick and hold it like you hold a pencil when writing. Line the chopsticks up evenly.
3. Hold the first chopstick in the original position and move the second chopstick up and down. The lower chopstick should never move while in operation. It should remain stationary at all times, serving as a base on which to clamp the food placed on it by the top chopstick.

Practice, Practice, Practice :

1. First, practice on popcorn! Yeah! Fun!
2. Second, practice lifting a wine glass straight up by the stem with your chopsticks. If you can do this without dropping the wine glass, you are ready to eat in public.

Tips:

1. Never point your chopsticks at anyone. It is considered to be bad luck and it is dangerous.
2. Never stand chopsticks up in a bowl of rice. This is also considered to be bad luck.
3. Do remember to use the larger ends of your chopsticks to serve yourself from a platter
4. Never eat food directly from a platter. Always place the food on your plate first.
5. Do not cross the chopsticks. When not using the chosticks, place them on the chopstick rest provided.
6. Do remember that a banquet can last two or three hours, and may include twelve or more small courses.

Practice and enjoy!

Job Interviews and Dating - What's The Difference

20 years of 20 questions. Job interviews, first date after blind date. What's the difference?


What is the difference between getting a feel for the establishment in which you may want to work, for a long time and getting to know the potential partner for whom you may want to marry, and will be with for a long time?

What is the difference in the techniques used in job interviews and the techniques used in dating?


The following are a few tips to pep up your job interviews and perk up your dinner dates:

• Each new job interview is a new opportunity for you to shine. Get yourself in a happy mood and be calm and positive.
• Each new first date is a new opportunity for you to shine. Get yourself in a happy mood and be calm and positive.

• Each new job interview is your chance to get the interviewer talking about themselves and their company. Prepare a few pertinent questions to ask the interviewer at the end of the interview when they ask you if you have any questions.
• Each new first date is your chance to get the other person talking about themselves and their family, friends, experiences, likes and dislikes, etc.

• Keep your resume professional and polite. Use Spell Check. Have a family member or friend who is good at editing look over your resume.
• Keep your conversation professional and polite. Pause, look and listen to what your date says. Pay attention to their tone. Listen also to what your date does not say.

• During your interview, do not comment on politics or religion, or talk about money. Do not list political or religious affiliations on your resume or Face book/My Space or any other social Internet site.
• During your first date, do not comment on politics or religion, money or past relationships.

• During your interview, look around the interviewer's office and desk for items and nick-knacks revealing what hobbies they may enjoy and read any degrees on the wall.
• During your first date, in conversation, nicely ask your date about their education and ask them to talk about their hobbies.

• On your resume, after each prior job listed, include an updated phone number and a current name of a contact. This makes it convenient for any future possible employer to easily check your information.
• On your first date, as the date is ending and if another date is agreed upon, leave the other person with updated contact information.

• As you enter and exit your interview, pay attention to how your interviewer treats their staff.
• As you are having your date, pay attention to how your date treats the waiter, cashier, etc.

• If you are asked during the interview why you wish to leave or why you have left another job, do not be negative. Be honest and explain why the past job was not right for you or why you wish to move on and what you have learned from the experience.
• If you are asked during your first date (or first few dates) why a past relationship was ended, do not be negative. Be honest and explain why the relationship was not right for you and why you chose to move on or why your partner chose to move on and what you learned from the experience.

A first job interview and a first date really are very similar, so enjoy your good opportunity and prepare!

Mother's Day Poem From 1905 - Thankfully, Some Things Never Change

A Mother's Day poem from my book: "Forget-Me-Not, Forget-Me-Never, Remember The Fun We Had Together"

Thankfully some things never change and thank goodness for our Mothers! Thanks Mom!

Here's to the happiest

days of your life,

Spent in the arms

of another man's wife

....your Mother.

Elizabeth Thompson

Near: Lake Mohonk, NY 1905

Have an enjoyable day to all!!

The Best Outdoor Brass Cleaning Tip Ever and Patina

For all of y'all out there who cannot stand cleaning outdoor brass such as door knobs, door knockers and door plates, here is the best tip ever: SOS pads**. Yes, for most outdoor brass items that need a good scrub here is how to accomplish the cleaning:

1. Tape around the item so as not to harm any surrounding surface. Use the special painting masking tape so there is no sticky residue remaining when the tape is removed.
2. Clean the item with an SOS pad. Scrub, scrub, scrub. The SOS pad will remove all the grime and dirt so you can then polish the brass item. The SOS pad will leave a Patina on your brass item. A Patina is comprised of all those little minute "scratches" that naturally occur with age and make the item look like an antique.
3. A patina will change the luster of the item. I prefer my sterling, brass and pewter with a patina because I like the luxurious luster. Some people, however, prefer their brass, sterling and pewter looking shinny like new stainless steel. **If you do not want to change the luster of your item, do not use the SOS pad.
4. Shine the item with Brasso or Never-Dull, or whatever brass cleaning product you prefer.

** The SOS pad will leave a Patina on your item. If you do not like the look and the new luster of the Patina, do not use the SOS pad!!!!

20 Years of 20 Questions: Single In The City, Dating, and Hungry for Dignity

As a Single in the City gal for 20 years (LOL), I sure can say I went on many more than my fair share of dates, blind dates, and bad dates. The better behaved, the badly behaved, the abhorrently behaved. Men who did not get out much and men who got out a bit too much. This is the story of a blind date with a well intending, stable, intelligent man who just may not have gotten out so much.
Very nice friends from out of town set me up with their next door neighbor, who also lived and was a tenured professor at a very exclusive private college 2 hours away from them and about an hour away from where I lived.
Upon the initial phone call with this man, I informed him I was in between management jobs with a sporadic schedule of part-time jobs, so, he suggested we meet at a very casual diner for Sunday Brunch. Cool.
My date began by driving 1 1/2 hours to this exclusive private college and met this seemingly nice, tenured professor at a very cute diner. Great breakfast. Better conversation. Everything moving along nicely.
Then, the check arrived. The professor eyed it and let it sit. Finally he turned it over. The bill totalled $13.50 plus a tip. Unknown to anyone, I had $20 in my pocket and $5 in the bank until my next pay day which was the following Friday. So, I pulled out my $20 bill figuring we would split the bill. The professor then said to me: "How about you get this one and I'll get the next."
What?? I thought to myself, not only is this tenured professor not going to pick up even and only his half of this small check, after I have driven 1 1/2 hours to get here, he is also going to assume I am going to go out on another date with him after I, who he knows am in between jobs, pay for this date!!
Always polite, I paid the check and the tip, drove the 1 1/2 hours home and never answered any phone calls from this guy again. The first of a few starving weeks in my future to come with $5 in the bank so I could maintain some semblance of dignity!
According to his neighbors, my friends who set me up, he had a great time and just could not figure out why I would not return his phone calls. Hmmm.

After School Special Story Regarding Pennies and a "Secretaries' Week" Luncheon

In college, I worked as a waitress for lunch and as a hostess for dinner during the summers at a very high end seafood restaurant. I picked up a few valuable etiquette tips while waiting on one particular table of ladies during Secretaries' Week in the summer of 1981. The ladies called ahead of time to make a reservation for eleven, which is the best thing I can say about the following experience waiting on these nice, well intended women.
The table of eleven arrived 25 minutes late. It was raining. After being seated, they then changed their minds and wanted their raincoats, hats and umbrellas checked. So, I checked each coat and accessory for each lady and brought each lady the coat check chit. Everyone had multiple special menu requests during and after their individual orders: no croutons, dressing on the side, no dressing, extra dressing, no onions, no bacon, extra bacon, no eggs, and they were only ordering salads to have as their meal. This complicated meal of only salads and tap water went on and on for 2 1/2 hours.
Finally, just when I thought the meal was over, someone at the table took a cake out of a box they had quietly brought into the restaurant! Politely, I brought out a serving knife, plates and forks for the cake. Then the gift bags and presents appeared! Birthday wishes. Birthday singing. Birthday toasts (with the table water). Coffee was ordered. Regular and Decaf. Extra cream. More cream. No cream. Pink packets of sugar everywhere! More coffee refills. More creamer. More pink packets. At this point, I was seeing pink!
My Mother and Sister came into the restaurant in the middle of my waiting on this busy table to surprise me and eat lunch. As I served them and as they enjoyed their lunch, my Mother watched as I tirelessly, politely and patiently waited, waited and waited on these nice, well intending women.
One woman at the table then asked for eleven separate checks. Each lady had 1 salad and 1 cup of coffee. Each tab was brought to the table separately, and I brought each tab to the cashier, then returned the tab with change, and exited. Then, the long discussion ensued regarding the tip. Unknown to these ladies, my Mother, still sitting at the next table, was listening! How much should they each leave to the nice young girl for the tip? Yes, it was 1981 and prices were different. The large salads were about $4.95. The coffee was around .95 cents. The ladies had a nice time and thanked me upon leaving.
My tip totaled .11 cents for each separate customer. I thought my tip at almost 15%, was fine. My Mother had a different opinion. One dime and one penny placed at each place for 2 1/2 hours of hard work. Also, leaving a penny on the table as part of a tip??

My Mother heard this and thought she would burst! Leaving a penny on the table is rude! It is considered to be a terrible insult in Europe. It signifies that the service was more than insufficient, rather, horrible. Leaving a penny on the table is frowned upon even within the restaurant business in the USA. It is also considered to be bad luck for those who are superstitious.
No coat check tip was left, at all.
My tip, I thought, was sufficient, until my Mother spoke up after these ladies had gone. She had the following tips for me (and suggestions for the day manager) which still apply today:

• One of the Ladies should have assumed the responsibility of group leader or hostess.
• Coats and accessories should have all been checked upon arrival and the coat check tip should have been taken care of ahead of time.
• The party should have arrived on time.
• One check should have been agreed upon before the meal began. The Group leader should have paid with one credit card ahead of time, then settled up with each lady afterwards.
• The tip should have been paid by the group leader in hand to the waitress and not left on the table in change form.
• Pennies should never be left on the table as part of a tip for any reason, ever!
• The tip should have been at least 18% - 20% as it was a large table of eleven persons and because this table took up the entire lunch time.
• Menu extras, exceptions, additions and subtractions should have been stated as each order was placed.
• Bringing a Birthday Cake into the restaurant should have never been done. Also, what an insult to the chef and management of the restaurant!
• The birthday bows, wrapping paper, boxes and tissue paper should have been cleaned up by the group leader, not left all over the place for the waitress to clean up.

Take charge, plan a bit and make your office luncheon nice for everyone! Thanks Mom!!

More Helpful Household Tips

More cleaver and frugal tips for ever household. Did y'all know:

• Vinegar and Rubbing alcohol together in a spray bottle will clean a shower?
• Place an aspirin tablet inside a wooden cabinet or wooden drawer and it will absorb any moisture.
• Boiling a scored orange will get rid of any kitchen odors and will leave the entire house smelling great!
• Peanut Butter will get chewing gum out of long hair.
• Substitute mayonnaise instead of vegetable oil the next time you make a batch of brownies and they will be the best tasting brownies ever! Yum!

Enjoy these cleaver tips and save!

Unintended Consequences of Free Speech Without Also Teaching Tolerance

Unintended consequences from our behavior, whether it be well intended or not. Consequences with well meaning government programs. Consequences of War. Consequences on the Internet, Talk Radio and 24 hour Cable News, especially with, as I like to call it, "Talk TV."
The well intending producers of these 24 hour cable news shows want the "Talking Heads" fighting with their guests because it raises ratings. High ratings mean more money.
Remember The Jerry Springer Show from many years ago? His was the first TV show that raised its ratings because his guests were regularly paid extra by producers not to simply fight with words, but to take punches at each other with their fists.
Fighting with fists or fighting with words, well intended or not, this 24 hour bickering is seeping into our psyche and society, daily behaviors, and the little ways we treat each other. What happened to the Puritan, Christian valued society of our founders?
We are now an "either/or" society. Everyone voicing their opinions on Facebook, Twitter, Internet blogs, radio, etc. Nothing wrong with free speech, but, does it have to be so angry? Also, when did we figure we had to be on one side or the other? Why do we have to say Merry Christmas OR Happy Holidays? Why can't we say Merry Christmas to our Christian friends AND Happy Holidays to our non-Christian friends? Why one side OR the other? Why not BOTH? Have we become so ETHNOCENTRIC?
The unintended consequence of our bickering combined with the changing face of America, is that we are entering into an uncivil society, as we have not been teaching tolerance. Free speech with tolerance. We CAN agree to disagree.

How to be a Successful Internationalist, Not an "Ugly American"

We share the planet with 6 Billion people who speak 6,000 different languages along with all those foreign cultural differences and customs. Americans are known around the world as ETHNOCENTRIC, meaning we know only about our own culture, and do not demonstrate any interest in learning about other cultures. We are also known for only speaking English, and expecting everyone else to speak English. Like in the movies, if they do not understand us, we just start speaking slower and louder.


The "Ugly American" traveler. They make us wince, whinny and purse our lips while breathing in! We've all seen them and their circus antic behavior. Their louder than life voice levels, like listening to stock boys talking about the night before at the grocery store. Their packed fanny packs around their already rotund waists. Their ill fitting, badly fashioned shorts and un tucked shirts. Do not even get me started on those dirty, icky running shoes, although these people look as though they have not 'run' in quite a while. What to do? What to do?



The following are a few tips to help all who wish to be fabulous travelers. I'll throw in a few fine fashionista tips too!

Good mistakes from trying are better than bad mistakes from not trying. Good mistakes include:

• Knowing a few "magic words" in their language (may I, thank you, please) as well as a few necessary phrases and trying to speak the language thus showing respect.
• Mispronunciation of their language (unless in Paris).
• Being aware of and trying their customs (handshaking, bowing, eye contact, stance).
• Being aware of their culture, trends and taboos and trying to blend into their culture (fashion, mass transportation, religion, gift giving, flowers).
• Being aware of their local cuisine and trying their food and specialties in every restaurant and street cart and at every meal, (save the visit to McDonald's for home).
• Eating in the style everyone else eats (Continental Style in Europe, chop sticks in Asia, right hand in the Middle East.)

To be a Successful Internationalist:

• Please know the name of the President or Prime Minister.
• Please know the political system.
• Be aware of the language(s) spoken.
• Know the official name of the country.
• Know the collective name for its people.

To be further successful:

• Show respect always.
• Be considerate always.
• Remain non-judgemental in attitude.
• Remain open-minded to all situations.
• Observe, ask and listen

To be successful with your fashion:

• Leave the college jeans, sloppy shorts and dirty tennis shoes at home.
• For young ladies, new, nicely fitted, fancy "girl jeans" may be an exception....
• Ladies, please pay attention to local fashion and possible religious customs such as in the Middle East.
• For ladies, jersey fabric is light, looks good, needs no ironing and travels splendidly!
• Ladies, a light floral long scarf or plain pashmina is a great accessory tied around your neck, waist or purse and warm cover up for the plane.
• Always remove hats, sunglasses and gloves when inside.
• Never shake hands with your other hand in your pocket and gentlemen, please keep your hands out of your pockets.
• Gentlemen always wear long pants in the evening and especially anywhere for dinner.

Any library or bookstore will have travel books. Please peruse them, read them, take notes.

A modicum of planning will be immeasurably helpful to your traveling manners.

Bon chance et Au Revoir, y'all!

How Girls Fight and Wise Words from Wise People to Live By Ever Day

My Mother has always said: "Girls fight with words," and do they ever. Today's girls also apparently fight with technologies, such as texting.
My brilliant suite-mate from college has a twelve year old entrepreneurial daughter who has a successful blog of her own: The Success Princess. She is well written and wise beyond her years, does not watch television, is polite and plays the violin. Yesterday, she was caught up in one of her first "Girl Dramas" at her school. Remember 6th grade?
Her best friend apparently sent her a text accusing this lovely twelve year old, The Success Princess, of calling her the "B" word to another mutual friend. Texting girl drama!
Earlier last year, I quoted what a wise woman of the world said, and here are these words again:
"If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and true enemies; succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend your years building, someone may destroy overnight, build it anyway.
Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough; give the world the best you have got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God.
It was never between you and them anyway." - Mother Theresa

I keep this saying on my kitchen window and read it when not needed and read it more when needed.
Also, I think it was Churchill that said something like:
"Never ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever give up!"

Homespun Homeopathic Recipes For Your Epithelium

How much of your hard earned money do you spend per year on skin care products? Do you buy specific products at the grocery store or spend your lunch money on those fancy cosmetic counter products?

Everyone knows, Epithelial cells, or the skin, referred to as the Integumentary System, is the largest organ in your body! While a diet of many fresh fruits and vegetables keep your skin glowing from the dermis down, here are some tips to keep your skin glowing on the top layers! Pamper yourself instead with the following common products easily found in any home:

• Smash 2 bananas and mix in 1 pat of butter in a bowl. Add a ripe avocado and mix. Smear on your face as a mask and leave for 20 minutes.
• Spritzing a bit of baby oil in a warm bath and soaking for 15 minutes will soften your dry skin anytime.
• Be careful with bath salts. Their aroma is appealing, but they tend to dry one's skin.
• To exfoliate your skin, place a mixture of lemon and sugar on your skin and rub into your skin.
• Another exfoliation remedy is mixing Cheerios, honey and lemon on your skin.
• A whipped egg white placed on your face for 10 minutes will act as a mask and revitalize your skin.
• Chop a cucumber and place into an ice tray (no water needed) and freeze into cubes. Place cubes below eyes and let the cubes melt.
• A fantastic eye makeup remover is plain old petroleum jelly! Try it!

These homespun recipes work well, so pamper yourself frugally and save your lunch money for lunch!

Tell Us Your Favorite Spring Break Travel Tip

Dear Readers,
Spring Break is upon us. Where and how are you traveling? Do you have a favorite travel tip to share? Please leave a travel tip and any comments below in the comment box.

Travel safely and enjoy!

The First 10 of George Washington's 100 "Rules of Civility" Updated!

From my book: "Forget-Me-Not, Forget-Me-Never, Remember The Fun We Had Together:"

If pleasures path you wish to see,
Five things observe with care,
To whom you speak, of whom you speak,
And when, and how, and where.

Florence Gaynor
June 21, 1906


At 16 years of age, George Washington wrote his own 100 "Rules of Civility & Decent Behaviour In Company and Conversation" and published them into a book. He lived by these 100 rules most of the rest of his life.


Some sharp students at The University of Virginia are updating these 100 rules in their own study called "The Civility Project." The following are The Sabot School of Etiquette's modern take on the first ten of these rules:


1. Washington: "Every Action done in Company, ought to be with Some Sign of Respect, to those that are present."

1. SSOE: Stand up straight and for introductions, keep your hands at your side, look people directly in the eyes, and smile. Seeing the BAFTA awards on BBC this weekend, I saw the actress Kristin Stewart from the popular "Twilight" movies accept an award. I watched in horror as she vigorously scratched her head with all fingers and both hands, then continued running her fingers through her hair throughout her acceptance speech at the podium. Yuck!


2. Washington: "When in Company, put not your hands to any Part of the Body, not usually Discovered."

2. SSOE: Keep your hands out of your pockets. Do not touch your head or fix your wedgie when in public. We have a local news reporter "man on the street" who reports his stories with one hand holding his mic and the other hand in his pant pocket. What is going on in there? Was he raised by wild dogs?


3. Washington: Shew Nothing yo your Friend that may affright him.

3. SSOE: Never embarrass another person. Leaders always make others feel special. As corny as it may sound, always speak positively so others will always want to be around you, who wouldn't?

4. Washington: In the Presence of Others, Sing not to yourself with a Humming noise, nor drum with your fingers or feet.

4. SSOE: Keep your voice and hands to yourself. Keep your cellphone put away when with company as well. Do not whistle, hum or fiddle with your fingers in public. Also, if you are anything other than a heart surgeon, do not fiddle with your cell phone while at a meal or a party. One does not HAVE to be connected to all one's friends ALL the time. As my Father used to say: "If they need you, they will get you. They will call back." Let your friends wonder what mysterious delicacies you may be delighting in for a while. Be a bit in demand.

5. Washington: If you Cough, Sneeze, Sigh or Yawn, do it not loud but Privately; and Speak not in your Yawning, but put Your handkerchief or Hand before your face and turn aside.

5. SSOE: Turn your head to the side if you must sneeze. Use a Kleenex or handkerchief. In an emergency, use your hand. Then, excuse yourself to the restroom and wash your hands. If you have bad allergies, and have a runny nose all the time, best only to "Dab" your nose with a tissue or hankie at the table. DO NOT blow your nose at the table. Best to go to the restroom. NEVER blow your nose into your napkin while at a meal. Gross! Cover your mouth when you cough or must yawn. Try to smile and breath in during a yawn in front of others if you cannot turn your head.

6. Washington: Sleep not when others Speak, Sit not when others stand, Speak not when you Should hold your Peace, walk not on when others Stop.

6. SSOE: Pause look and listen. True listening is when you are not planning out what to say as soon as the other person is finished speaking. Always stand for introductions. Opinions on religion and politics still upset others and still should preferably not be discussed at parties. Pay attention to others when walking in a group.


7. Washington: Put not off your Cloths in the presence of Others, nor go out your Chamber half dressed.

7. SSOE: Gentlemen, DO NOT take off your dress jackets at semi-formal or formal events, even when dancing. I have been at many a formal wedding and Black Tie charity event when the Father of the Bride or Chairman has to ask a gentleman to put back on his jacket. Don't be that guy! Also, even if you are not a pajama guy, buy a robe and use it!

8. Washington: At Play and at Fire its Good manners to Give Place to the last Commer, and affect not to Speak Louder than Ordinary.

8. SSOE: Move over in your circle if someone joins in the conversation, and do not start yelling your opinion over others in order to be heard. It is hard in this 24 hour world of constant communication to NOT copy the poor example of all the "Talking Heads" on TV and NOT over talk another person, or raise your voice in a growing circle of conversation. Most people like listening to their own voices, so if you must be heard, go home and write in a journal or start a blog.

9. Washington: Spit not in the Fire, nor Stoop low before it neither Put your Hands into the Flames to warm them, nor Set your Feet upon the Fire especially if there be meat before it.

9. SSOE: Do not spit in public and do not put your feet up onto the table in the kitchen or around food.


10. Washington: When you Sit down, Keep your Feet firm and Even, without putting one on the other or Crossing them.

10. SSOE: Treat your seat like a church pew. Sit with both feet squarely on the floor. Do not sit on your ankles. Do not wrap your feet around your chair. In Asian and Middle Eastern countries, showing the sole of your shoe is considered rude and insulting.

Just a few first ten tips from three hundred years ago. The more things change, the more they stay the same!

Gift Giving in China

Appropriate gift giving in any foreign country is tricky but not complicated once one understands the local customs, traditions and superstitions of the country. A good travel book will have culture included or one can seek out customs in a specific country on the Internet or in a book written on culture at a bookstore, or at the library.
In China, the color white and white flowers are used for funerals, many superstitions surround the numbers 4,9, and 13. Knives, scissors and sharp objects are bad luck to give as a gift in the USA and China. Sometimes in the USA, people give steak knives as a wedding present, and tape a "lucky penny" to the box to alleviate the bad luck, but in China, they do not even believe in a "lucky penny," so stay away from sharp gifts all together. Also, gifts with animals such as Foxes, Wolfs and Badgers are considered to be bad luck.
Giving a clock in China (similar to the old US tradition of covering the clock when someone dies), is associated with death and and evil spirits. US currency(cash), lavish gifts, and food are considered rude.
Appropriate gifts are books, scotch, regional US gifts, and any Company product.
These days, it is simple to do your homework before visiting a foreign country. Enjoy learning about the customs and culture of others. It's fun, and you are a better traveler for the learning!

LTTE - Elle Magazine Re: Cursing

Dear Madame:
My Husband and my Mother have one thing they agree upon: if I am to wear Haute Couture, I cannot cuss.
I read in the bathtub nightly to relax, but cannot do so while reading your lovely magazine. Luxurious, very expensive couture clothes, lovely fashion stories and spreads, yet the F-Bomb and S-word are all over your magazine. I was frankly a bit taken a back in the tub by the use of these curse words so often. Whether it be a writer-in to a regularly featured column or in a simple article. I cannot believe writers cannot be a bit more creative rather than just so common. We recently had to ask my 13 year old Nephew not to use the D-word on Facebook. Thirteen year olds' think cursing is cool. What is your opinion on cursing?
Please, if you must print curse words within your body of work to up your circulation, or shock value, or because the thirteen year olds' who read the magazine think it is cool, then use a few asterisks. Your intelligent readers, I am sure, will get the general gist. Sorry to sound like an old curmudgeon, but cursing is for people who cannot think of a better word instead, and who do not wear couture.