20 Years of 20 Questins: Top 10 Dating Tips For Gals

Perusing the SATC2 Website the other day, psychologist and author Pamela Diane King has posted excerpts from her e-book:"10 Dating Lessons From SATC" (the series) and they are as follows:

1. Stalking is not sexy.


2. Technology is not your friend.


3. Throw away your "Perfect Man" list.


4. Drama does not equal passion.


5. Taking a "break" is "guy code" for a break up.


6. Know when to let go.


7. Love can be an addiction.


8. Taking a vacation is the best break up remedy.


9. Love is a roller coaster.


10. The most important relationship you have is with yourself.

After 20 years of 20 questions myself, I thought I would reply to her top ten and post my version:

1. If you are "stalking" someone else, whether in cyberspace or in person, you need to step back, acknowledge your own OCD behavior and move on. Join a gym, a choir at church, take a night class or any other activity to get out more. If someone else is stalking you or sleeping on your doorstep, you need to call the cops and form a working relationship with a police detective.


2. A beau may forgive you for what you have said but you can NEVER unwrite what has been written. Paper letters can be kept and may be shown around, but any negative comment or breaking up with a beau on the Internet sites like Facebook or an E-mail is seen by all and can be sent to everyone instantly, including future employers. Public writing is absolutely powerful and can corrupt absolutely and forever more.


3. The word 'Perfect" is unattainable, unrealistic in every sense and should be stricken from the dictionary. The boundaries and behaviors of love include acceptance, forgiveness and what is a 'deal breaker' in your book.


4. Drama, drama, drama. Drama should be left up on center stage. Some people are addicted to drama and chaos. Manic behavior and chaos are their best friend. They don't know how to live without it and if they do not have it in their lives constantly, they will create it for themselves (and you). This dramatic behavior is also called manic/depressive or bi-polar disorder. All I can say is: RUN. Don't look back. Don't have any regrets, ever. You are much better getting OFF this particular roller coaster.


5. If your beau ever asks you for a "break" from your relationship, you "man up" and break up with him right then and there. What a wuss. Plenty of guys out there. Date a MAN.


6. Know what your "deal breakers" are and stick to them to protect yourself. Sometimes guys behave badly so you will break up with them so they do not have to break up with you. Pay attention to these behaviors. Know when enough is enough.


7. Being in love should not be an addiction. The novelty and newness of falling in love can be an addiction. For example: Elizabeth Taylor, Zsa Zsa Gabor, Mickey Rooney.


8. Vacations are great but not by yourself or when you are feeling blue. Put half of your vacation money in a savings account for yourself, grieve, then when feeling better, treat yourself to a nice lunch somewhere lovely, go shopping and spend half the money on a classic, beautiful accessory you will keep for the rest of your life. For example: a designer purse or scarf, a leather wallet, a well fitting quality leather skirt, pants, boots or belt. A mink scarf or hat. A pair of pearl earrings. Breaking up is a bit like a death. Be kind to yourself every day and treat yourself to little things like a long bath or walk or good book or movie, for a while until you feel better.


9. Dating is a roller coaster. Love should not be a roller coaster. Love is hard work, kindness, forgiveness, patience and compromise.


10. The most important relationship you will ever have IS with yourself. If you do not like yourself and hide from yourself, you will not be happy and no one else will be happy with you either. Why should they be?

Be good to yourself, know your own top 10 tips and enjoy dating!