Continental vs. American Dining Style

Europeans used to dine just like Americans, eating with their fork in their right hand, until the 1840's.

Then, the British upper classes stopped shifting their forks back to their right hand and just kept their forks in their left hands to dine.

In 1853, a French etiquette book stated that if one wanted to appear fashionable and "In the Know", one should not shift one's fork back into the right hand while dining, thus began the European "Continental" style of eating. Before long, Europeans of all classes started eating in the Continental style.

In many European countries, eating in the American style is still suspect after seven Centuries. Folk Lore states that in the 14th Century, men eating together, (the women ate in the kitchen), used to hide daggers up their sleeves, then stab each other after the meal commenced. Stabbing at the dining table became so wide spread, the King finally put forth a decree stating everyone sitting at the table must have their wrists above the table, so all others may see no one is hiding any daggers up their sleeves.

An American Diplomatic Attache recently went to Germany on business. He ate in the American style with his right hand keeping his left hand in his lap throughout the entire business meal. The Germans at the table thought the American Attache was hiding something. They perceived him as dishonest. The German Host called the American Ambassador to Germany the next morning and told him: "Next time, send an Attache with a bit more style." This Attache thought he was "In the Know", but in fact, he "didn't know what he didn't know."

Both Continental and American styles of dining are correct. Be comfortable with the one you choose and stick to your choice! So, as history clearly states, it was the Europeans who changed styles, not the Americans!

Americans Abroad, Asian Etiquette and Manners

Asians are some of the most adaptable people in the world when it comes to other cultures. They take the rules of etiquette very seriously. When traveling, they do not expect other countries to be just like their country, except a different geographic location. Americans often do expect foreign countries to have the same amenities, customs, dress, behavior, comforts.


It has been said that Americans are ethnocentric. We appear to care nothing about other cultures, and worse, care nothing about learning. We expect other cultures to live just as we do and complain when they do not. The whole point of visiting another culture is to immerse oneself in their way of life, cuisine, traditions, customs, dress, mannerisms. To respect their religion, behavior, and know the rules of etiquette. To fit in.


Today we address Asian culture and offer a few tips for our kind readers. Always look up the weather and religion before traveling so one may pack appropriate clothes. Learn a few key phrases such as your "magic words: please, may I, thank you. The following are a few good to know phrases:

• Hello, Good Afternoon and Evening is: Ni hao, pronounced "Nee how"
• Good Morning is: Zao, pronounced "Dzow"
• Please is: Qung, pronounced "Ching"
• Thank you is: Xiexie, pronounced "Syeh Syeh"
• Yes is: Shi, pronounced "Sher"
• Goodbye is: Zaijian, pronounced "Dzigh-jy-en"

Next, we list a few good to know tips that will help our readers understand the Asian culture in general. Each country will have particular rules, but these are just general, hopefully helpful tips:

• The Chinese do not "line up." They push in large crowds.
• Confucianism is not a religion. It is a way of life based on the "Golden Rule." Treat others as you wish to be treated yourself. It also encompasses the idea of the communal rather than personal. The art of living and the good of the group takes precedence over individuality.
• Buddhism, Islam ism, Taoism, Hinduism and Shinto are other religions in China.
• Western Handshakes are lighter and less firm. To bow is a respectful gesture.
• Eye contact in Asia is always short. Looking at someone for too long, or starring is used as punishment by Mothers to their children who are bad.
• Always accept a business card with both hands, look at it, pause, then put it nicely away in a purse or front jacket pocket. DO NOT put it in your back pocket as this is considered to be an insult.
• Be reserved in speech, volume of speech, dress and posture.
• A smile from an Asian may mean anger, fear, humiliation or apology.
• DO NOT Use any hand gestures. NO "thumbs up." No "O.K." sign with your hand. DO NOT put your hands in your pockets. Keep your hands at your sides instead. NEVER touch anyone on the shoulder, arm or anywhere. DO NOT ever pass an object to a woman unless a close relationship has been established.
• Eat slowly and mind your intake. Asian dinners often consist of a dozen small courses. Taste all and enjoy.
• Sauces are for light dipping. Do not fully dunk or saturate your food.
• The rice bowl is on the LEFT. Rice is eaten with chopsticks. NEVER lick your chopsticks or point them at anyone as Asians consider to to be very rude.
• The soup bowl is on the RIGHT. The solid morsels are eaten with chopsticks. Noodles are eaten by bringing the bowl to your mouth and slurping the noodles from the chopsticks. Slurping is good. Slurping is a compliment to the chef. The liquid soup is drunk directly from the bowl. Replace the lid on the soup bowl when you are finished. Neatly place your chopsticks on top of the lid, or on the chopstick rest.
• Asian legend says: if one holds one's chopsticks close to the tips, one will marry someone close to where you live. If one holds one's chopsticks far up, and away from the tips, one will marry someone far away from where you live.
• Never give a gift, like flowers, in a quantity of 13. Never give a gift of flowers that are white. White flowers are reserved for funerals. The color black is also associated with death. Clocks are associated with death. The numbers 4 and 40 and sets of four are unlucky. Red wrapping is the color of choice for a gift.
• NEVER give a gift of knives, scissors, or other sharp items, not even with a "lucky penny" attached.
• ALWAYS ask permission before photographing anyone.
• ALWAYS show respect for the elderly.

These rules of etiquette are general to Asia. Specific regions have particular rules. Best to check the region you are visiting and check the exact local customs and manners and rules of etiquette. Relax and enjoy!

Middle Eastern Manners - Etiquette, Customs, Gestures - Part II

Middle Eastern Manners - Part II

Arab Languages are related to Hebrew, Aramaic, Syriac. Thee are dozens of regional dialects. There are 28 letters and the language is written and read right to left and spoken by over 150 million people.
Regional dialects include: Egyptian, Iraqi, Gulf, Levantine.
Family is the foundation of Arab society. Identity is based on heritage of desert, nomadic culture. Arabs have a keen sense of social rank and clan identity.
Names are formed for you by your Patrilineal string. Other than your formal first name given to you by your parents, your name is done already. The structure is: Formal given first name + Abd (servant of), + bin(m) or bint(f), + Father's first name, + Paternal Grandfather's first name, + tribe or region. An example is my name: Katherine Abd bint Bruce Chester Seneca Falls
Honor and Dishonor are very important in Arab culture. "Saving Face" in the group is paramount. A woman's honor is based on her behavior. A man's honor is based on his behavior and the behavior of all of his family members, particularly the female family members. The pressure to restore one's honor when shamed can be enormous. Chastity is directly related to one's honor. Islam and Arab society segregate the sexes from puberty. Covering a woman's body is done out of modesty and is essential. The Qur'an (Koran) says only the hair has to be covered. The "Black Burka" is worn only by family modesty. Men are also required to dress modestly.
Women are limited to one husband. Men may have up to four wives. Arranged marriages exist, but are frowned upon.
Arab Culture dictates that Group Rights trump Individual Rights. Different from most Western Cultures, desert cultures emphasize group survival secondary to the individual comfort. Decisions are made by consensus, and again, different from Western countries, Arab countries prefer consultation with regional neighbors. This fact alone emphasizes the importance of U.S. coalition-building.
In Arab culture, nothing happens unless it is the will of God or as they say: "If God Wills." Negatively speaking, this way of thinking can foster a culture of blamelessness and a reluctance to accept responsibility, and a lack of self-criticism.
Similar to European etiquette, hand gestures to avoid include: pointing with an index finger or pencil and the "OK" or "Thumbs up" hand gestures. Keep your hands out of yor pockets. Also, the left hand is considered unclean as it is used for toileting. Always eat with the right hand. If you steal and are convicted, your right hand will be cut off, thus forcing you to eat with your left hand for the rest of your life, which is considered to be the greatest insult.
When speaking to an Arab: always stand up straight, and stand for all introductions. Keep your hands out of your pockets. Keep the soles of your feet always on the floor. Placing your right hand on your chest at greeting denotes respect and thankfulness. Dressing too casually is considered to be disrespectful.
Arabs care more for sincerity and respect than exact observance of cultural norms. Enjoy time spent with your Arab friends. Be sensitive, but relax. Show your interest in their culture!

*This information is from a seminar I attended at The Protocol School of Washington. This session was taught by Cynthia Rambo, Chief of Protocol, Shaw Air Force Base.

Middle Eastern Cultural Tips and Customs -Part I

There are many definitions for what and where is the Middle East.

• Arab is not an ethnicity.
• Arabs represent approximately 18% of Muslims, but their language, culture and religion permeate the Islamic world.
• The Koran was delivered to Muhammad in Arabic, so speaking Arabic is a foundation and plays a central role in the practice of Islam.
• Ethnic Arabs originate from the Arabian Gulf region, but the spread of Islam and the Islamic Empire absorbed a host of other ethnic groups.
• Some of the countries considered to be "Arab" countries are: Algeria, Libya, Egypt, Sudan, Morocco, Tunisia, Saudi Arabia, Yeman, Syria, Iraq, Oman, Somalia, Jordan, Western Samara and Mauritania.
• The Islamic religion is the fastest growing religion in the world: 1-1.4 billion believers which is 20% of the world population. There are 6 million believers in the USA.
• 90% of the Middle East is Muslim (65% Sunni, 29% Shi'a)

Muhammad was born in 570 A.D. in Mecca and orphaned at a young age and lived with his uncle. He became a caravan merchant and married Khadija, a trader. He received his first revelation in the year 610 A.D. and for 20 years afterwards. He fled to Yathrib in 622 A.D. He returned to Mecca in 630 A.D. and died in 632 A.D. without a successor and was buried in Medina. This is when many splits in the religion happened. Sunnis are those who follow the sunna, or example, of Muhammad. Their leaders are thought to be the "best person" as an example of Muhammad. Shi'a, are those who are the Party of Ali or Shi'at Ali, and believe the succession of leaders should be hereditary, or blood relatives of Muhammad. Many disputes center on the rightful leadership of the community. The Islamic world is 85% Sunni and 15% Shi'a.
The foundations of Islam include the Five Pillars:

1. Shahada, or Profession of Faith
2. Salat, or Prayers
3. Zakat, or Alms Giving
4. Sawm, orFasting
5. Hajj, or Pilgramage

Most people are humble and pray when convenient, not necessarily 5 times per day. One must wash one's hands and feet prior to prayer and pray during the washing too. One's head must touch the lowest point on the ground.
Muslims are required to donate 2.5% of their income to the homeless. Also, as a kindness, bring them into their homes for a meal without reservation. There are NO orphanages because the giving capacity of the communities is so very great and the important family structure does not warrant orphanages.
The one thing in common with Islam, Christianity and Judaism is the Universal God. Other similarities with Christianity and Judaism are:

• Oneness of God
• Prophets and Divine Revelation
• Angels
• Satan
• Moral responsibility and accountability
• Judgement Day
• Eternal reward or Punishment
• Covenant with God
• Peace, love and charity

The Muslim religion has no "Pope." There is NO chosen leader for the "lesser Jihed." Osama bin Laden DOES NOT have the support of the Muslim society.
Family is the foundation of Arab society. Extended family is treasured as the obligation for their care runs very deep. Arabs have a keen sense of social rank and clan identity. Familial bonds are much closer, deeper and larger than in typical Western families. Business meetings very often happen in the home surrounded by extended family centered around a large, long meal.

This information was from a seminar I attended at The Protocol School of Washington. This session was taught by Cynthia Rambo, Chief of Protocol , Shaw Airforce Base. Enjoy these tips!

LTTE - "The Girl Who Would Be Queen" Article, October Issue

Dear Ms. Wintour,
Hallelujah! Rather than reading about some empty life of some untalented, yet famous celebrity, we were treated to a glimpse into a fascinating life of a real woman, who happened to be regal and rather talented.
William Shawcross's excerpt from his book: The Queen Mother, let us peak into the life of a Lady Elizabeth Bowes Lyon.
From her kindnesses towards the soldiers in WWI as a young fourteen year old girl through her work with the Prime Minister during WWII, Mr. Shawcross revealed The Queen Mother as a woman with a strong work ethic, love of country, family, and duty.
Learning and reading about an historic, interesting, strong, significant woman of substance every month would make a lovely column. Thank you.

LTTE Elle Magazine - A Young Generation of Bad Manners In America

The American media spotlight has moved from older generations of polite, self-sacrificing, respectful people to younger generations of pampered, self-aggrandizing, repugnant people.
Having taught etiquette and manners to young people for the past decade, my students have gone from needing a bit of fine tuning, to needing to learn how to hold a fork, and on up the manners ladder from that basic skill.
Kanye West, sadly, is merely one symptom of the bigger problem facing young Americans today.

The number one rule of etiquette is: "Always make the other person feel special."

Throwing away our manners in order to be heard, seen, understood or to be the center of attention seems to be the new "American Way" for some. Why? Blame fame, Reality TV, stress, The Red Carpet, The Internet, the Bloggers, 24 hour Cable TV, 30 years of prosperity, wealth and opportunity for all. Blame American society in general. How about blaming ourselves?

And to think, some men on the Titanic gave up their seats on the rescue boats sacrificing their own lives to save the lives of others. Then there was World War II. The "Greatest Generation."

Yes, as the Editor stated in the October Issue, Kanye West is in the "freaky" category, but not "genius." More like a rich and rude, arrogant, mean, and now, a famous bully.

I am glad Kanye West was not standing next to me on the Titanic or in a "fox hole." He would have thrown me out and overboard!

Ele Magazine "What I Wore" Contest Essay

   At 22 years old, I was the gawkiest, tallest, skinniest, girl in quite a while to have graduated from Sweet Briar College and move to New York City with three suitcases.
   My first job was as a receptionist/order taker/dress model for the designer, Mr. Adolfo, at his couture salon on 57th Street. When Mr. Adolfo had me fitted for my first little black dress, I had no idea what this dress would do for my confidence and come to mean to me in my life and the many years ahead.
   This knee length formal dress had a beautiful black velvet torso with a black tulle ballerina skirt, matching tulle straps and sash, all the tulle demurely dotted with rhinestones like little bright stars in an ethereal night sky.
   Three months later, I was whisked away in a limousine in my new dress to work my first company gala event at Saks Fifth Avenue complete with photographers and a Red Carpet. Oh my! I walked this carpet, but did not really know what it was at the time. It was, after all, 1984. No one clicked my picture and I had never heard of a "Page 6". But no matter. I had on my favorite first formal couture dress.
Christmastime arrived with an invitation to the company Christmas dinner dance at Doubles. I had to scrape up a date, but not a dress! Adolfo chose me for the honor of the first dance. My Mother was so proud.
   At 23, it was time to meet my first boyfriend's entire family. We played touch football just like a Pepsi commercial, although in catching the football, I was bumped into a tree and got a black eye from the football which ended up next to my face. A Black-tie event followed that evening at the Country Club in Tuxedo Park. Nervous and with a black eye, but dressed in my Adolfo dress, I at least, had the confidence I was always appropriately dressed.
   June arrived with the Belmont Ball.  Arranged by Mr. Adolfo, my hostess, C Z. Guest, accompanied my date and me into the Jockey Club for the dance the night before the Belmont Stakes. No worries. Again, always appropriately attired.
  Many charity and social events followed over the years: The Junior League Ball at The Plaza with Peter Duchin, easy. The Intrepid Ball, no problem. The Circle Line "booze cruise," always appropriate. The Colony Club, The University Club, The Williams, Harvard and Yale Clubs. No worries. The Limelight opening and Andy Warhol. Not a care in the world with my best Adolfo dress. Stumbling into the Tumble Inn at 2 a.m, Tunnel, Elaine's, and The 21 Club, always right. Swells, The Surf Club, and Mick Jager showed up! Never an issue.
 Soon followed many weddings of good friends. A Dallas wedding, a South Carolina wedding. A wedding at the New York Saint Ignatius Church and Reception at the St. Regis. The Graycliff in the Bahamas for my 30th birthday, still wearing and able to fit into my beloved dress. This dress was my passport to many years and all types of social soirees without ever feeling out of place.
   At age 26, my Haute Couture dress accompanied me home to Richmond to take care of my ailing father. For the next nine years, it served me well as a "singleton." If the dress became too tight, I quit eating dessert and bread for a while. My bellwether dress.
   As a 35 year old workaholic, I phoned a friend and asked to sit with her and her husband at The Deep Run Hunt Club Hunt Ball. The "horsey set." They sat me next to a man I had seen once before at a club event.
   Traditionally, at any Hunt Ball, a black and white dress is required for women who did hunt that day, and a black dress is required for women who did not hunt that day, so the ladies do not clash with the gentlemen who wear those red "Evening Scarlett" coats. Being that I did not hunt that day, my black Adolfo dress was the perfect Black Tie attire, once again.
   Seven years later, I married the man I was seated next to on that magical, horsey, Haute Couture evening. 
   Soon afterwards, I gave this still wonderful and favorite dress away to a young friend I worked with, hoping it would bring her the confidence, comfort, and happiness it brought me for many, many years.

International Gift Giving Etiquette

Anyone watch the UN speeches given by various foreign leaders this week? Ever think about Corporate gift giving to foreigners? The following is a bit of foreign corporate gift giving tips:

Appropriate Gifts in Arab Countries:

• Books


• Gifts for Children


• "Made in the USA" gifts


• Gifts for the Office

Inappropriate Gifts in Arab Countries:

• Liquor


• Logo items


• Blue and White gifts


• Gifts for Spouse


• Animal products or food as a gift for the first meeting

Appropriate Gifts in Japan

• US Brand Named items


• Scotch and Brandy


• Books


• Company products

In any Asian country, or from an Asian person, always accept a business card or a gift with both hands. Using both hands shows respect. Regarding a business card: take time to look at the business card. Do not ever stuff it in your back pocket.

Inappropriate Gifts in Japan:

• Any "Made in Japan" item


• Anything with the numbers 4 or 9


• Surprises of any type


• Humorous or Joke gifts


• Ribbons and/or Bows


• Fox, Badger or Wolf

Appropriate Gifts in the USA:

• Books


• Pen and Pencil sets


• Key Chains


• Umbrellas


• Paperweights

Inappropriate Gifts in the USA:

• Expensive items


• Red Roses to a woman


• Personal items


• Liquor to a non-drinker


• Cash

Always enclose a gift receipt with your gift and have the gift "gift wrapped" if possible.

I do not care what Peggy Post says: NEVER re-gift any gift to anyone for any reason. It is a small world, it is NOT honest and the gift never seems to be quite right....no gift receipt and wrapped by hand usually in a gift bag. No thought and no time put into the gift always comes back on the giver. The recipient always knows. In any re-gifting situation, one is taking many chances. I have a host of re-gifting horror stories to tell...in my Halloween blog post, soon!

If one has no money to spend on a personal gift for a good friend, instead of re-gifting, an appropriate, thoughtful card will always do with a kind, well thought out, beautifully written message, or for a wedding, pull a nice sterling cake knife or pretty china plate out of your sideboard in your Dining Room, wrap it up and tell the Bride it is a "family treasure" you want her to have because she is like family to you. I will also address this topic for the holiday season, soon.

Household Tips - Separating Eggs, Cleaning Brass, Headache Cure

Helpful Household Tips

• A Wet Oven Cloth will save many burnt fingers and hands


• To Remove Spots of Milk or Tea on a Brass Tray: apply a bit of lemon juice and rinse.


• For Easy Egg Separating: try breaking the egg into a funnel. The white will go down the funnel and the yoke will stay behind.


• To Cure a Headache: try 2 cloves in a cup of freshly brewed tea.


• Natural Tooth Cleaner - salt hardens the gums and makes the teeth white.


• To Clean Suede Shoes - Black, Brown or Grey suede shoes may be cleaned lightly with fine sand-paper. Rub with firm, even pressure. This will remove dirt, mud and grease.


• Never Polish Pewter - Never polish pewter, you will ruin its finish. Let pewter remain dull. When it is dirty, wash it with a very soft brush, a tiny amount of gentle soap and warm water. Dry the pewter with a soft cloth.

Be Thrifty, Have Fun and Enjoy!

An Addendum: Manners Matter To Those In The Know

A poem from my Forget-Me-Not, Forget Me Never book:

If pleasures path you wish to see,

Five things observe with care,

To whom you speak, of whom you speak,

And when, and how, and where.

Florence Gaynor

June 21, 1906

Manners Still Matter to Those in the Know

   Yesterday, a reporter at The Richmond Times Dispatch called and asked my opinion about the recent outbursts of Serena Williams, Kanye West and US Representative Joe Wilson. To my surprise, the article was published on the front page of the paper today and is entitled: "Outbursts of the famous: Why so rude?"
   So far this morning, this article has received 43 comments. Many more comments than any of the other articles in the paper combined. Etiquette and manners are always a hot topic, so why do good manners receive no comments and seem to be disappearing in our American society?

   My exact words to this reporter were: "Manners matter to those in the know. Good manners will take one farther than any Ivy League eduction. The knowledge of etiquette and impeccable manners will take one anywhere and everywhere in life."

   I attributed declining civility in American society to a few concurring factors. Twenty-four hour Cable TV, producers wanting 'shock value' and confrontation within their programming to boost ratings, talking heads on all Cable TV shows talking over each other all the time, instant international information on the Internet and in our hand held cell phones, the 40 year disintegration of the American family, religion, education, and discipline in general. Casual lifestyles leading to casual fashion and dress codes, spilling over to casual manners, or no manners at all.
   The behavior of Serena Williams and Kanye West were both wrong and rude. Society will punish them as society sees fit. These days, thanks to the media, they will probably get more press, more TV screen time, and as a result, more fame and probably make more money.
   Regarding US Representative Joe Wilson's behavior: In 1801, Jefferson wrote "Jefferson's Manual of Parliamentary Practice" as a reference on parliamentary protocol. The Senate traditionally has not considered this body of work as its direct authority on parliamentary procedure, as they began amending it in 1828 and did not finish their version until 1977. However, in Congress, according to this manual, one may call the President a "half-baked nit-wit," but may not refer to the President as a "liar" or "hypocrite." Freedom of semantics and hyperbole. Joe Wilson was wrong in using the word "liar" but not wrong in speaking his mind. He should have just used a different word. Interestingly enough, in Great Britain, Parliament openly tolerates constant, brisk verbal outbursts. I mentioned to the reporter, Joe Wilson's outburst was the first (to be televised anyway), but will not be the last.
     America is currently experimenting with many different social and political paths Europeans have been practicing and tolerating for decades. For the past 400 years, America has been its own island of Anglo-Christian Puritan behavior, fighting for what we perceive to be right. Now, we are a multi-cultural society, multi-tasking with multiple perceptions. Hopefully, Americans will grow more tolerant and inclusive in general and less tolerant of bad behaviors as we catch up with all the technology we have invented.
   Instant condemnation and gratification. Instant communication and opinion. Instant fame and fortune. But, instant forgiveness? Instant civility and manners?
   Do not fret dear readers, Americans will tolerate only so much rudeness. The Press is a powerful vehicle of information, but the societal pendulum will eventually swing back. For now, thank goodness, manners still matter to those in the know.

My Humble Experience with British Healthcare

In the Summer of 1981, I was a student with The Virginia Program at Oxford. The Renaissance, Shakespeare, Spenser and such. From Sweet Briar College to St. Anne's College at Oxford University, England. Princess Diana was married that summer and I got the education of a lifetime. A structurally different educational system, travel, foreign culture and a peak at what a Government run, National Health Care System looks like. As most of my readers can imagine, any government run anything is neither proficient, nor professional and never even mind half way perfect. I have two stories to share regarding my observations that summer.

First Story:
As 'of age' students, we tended to be the first patrons for a few 'half-pints' a few nights a week across the street at the local pub. We got to know the young couple that had just bought the pub and lived upstairs. The husband bar tended and tended the building maintenance including the flowered window boxes and small garden out front. The wife was the waitress, cooked the buffet meal offered to patrons for dinner and had two small children. They were open 7 days a week.
The wife once told us she once went to the local public Clinic to be seen for a bad flu. This young couple could not afford a private doctor like other business owners and the rich in England. The receptionist told her it wold be a 2 week wait to see the doctor. No doctor, no prescription for medicine. She replied to the receptionist: "In 2 weeks, with the flu, I will either be well or dead." So, she left the public clinic with no help, not even an aspirin and suffered through the flu, working the entire time at the Pub and taking care of the kids. Eventually, she was well. She commented that as soon as she and her husband could afford it, they were going to subscribe to a private GP.

Second Story:
One of my classmates broke her arm and a few of us went with her to the local hospital down the street. I remember the 1/2 day wait in the ER, the over crowded waiting area looked like a third world airport. Everyone sitting on the floor, patients on stretchers in the hallways. The patients also had the old red rubber IV tubing, instead of the modern clear plastic tubing. I noticed the antique radiators with the old lead paint peeling off of them. Then noticed the old thin lead pipes near the ceilings also peeling, probably from The Great War (WWI). No renovations for the last 70 years in this Oxford hospital. Never even mind any modern equipment or conveniences.

One of our rich friends here in the US pays $4,000.00 per year for the privilege of having a private doctor come to his house, 24/7. If America is going to decide to enter into a 2 tiered health care system, you are going to get the health care you can afford. Private doctors for the rich and public clinics for everyone else. Does America really want to enter into this new age of health care?

Better Butter Tips

• Have y'all ever heard the saying: "Barbara Streisand's nails are like butter?" Well, if you rub butter on your nail beds, they will be softer. Butter may be used as ointment for: sore lips, chapped hands, cuts and bruises. After the first application of the butter, the bruise should fade.
• To Sweeten Rancid Butter: Melt and skim the butter. Put a piece of toast into the melted butter. In a few minutes, the butter will loose its offensive taste and smell and can be left to get firm again.
• To Renew The Life of Ferns: Carefully remove from cache-pot. Place a few drops of Caster Oil at the roots, then set the fern in a pail of water all night. Replant. After a week or so, the fern should sprout new shoots.
• Frying Hint: When frying fat has got slightly burnt, place a raw, peeled potato into the pan for a few minutes and then remove it. This act should remove all trace of burning.
• When a saucepan boils dry and burns: it can be saved by putting a piece of butter the size of a walnut in the pan, allow it to melt, then pour in the hot water.
• Cooking Hint: If if puddings, meats, tarts and cakes are covered with butter paper, they will not be burnt in the oven.
• To Beat Butter and Sugar: Where a recipe requires the beating of butter and sugar to a cream, briefly place these ingredients in a double boiler until partly blended. Do not break the butter. Then, mix together as required.

Enjoy your salted and unsalted butter!

The White Dinner Jacket, Humphrey Bogart in Casablanca, and The Golden Rule

We are attending a 6:00 p.m. wedding on September 5th, before Labor Day. The informal, modern invitation does not address dress at all. The wedding ceremony and reception are both in a botanical garden. Richmond, Virginia typically has an 86% humidity rate and is 98 degrees during the day, and 76 degrees at night with no breeze. More humid and hotter than most tropical climates, yet Richmond is extremely traditional, conservative, and corporately conformist.
That being said, I had a question from a friend about wearing a White Dinner Jacket to the wedding. The question was at what time is it acceptable to wear a formal tuxedo (white or black dinner jacket). The answer is 6:00 pm, but the issue of the white or ivory dinner jacket vs. the black dinner jacket is a horse of a different color! Never even mind the shawl collar.
The Golden Rule is: He who has the most gold rules. Rules change because the families with the gold change. Customs change. Society changes. I referred to the Internet and 5 different books in my etiquette library, one as far back as 1938 and here are a few results:

• From: "Etiquette" by, Emily Post (1938) "White Dinner Coat - Intended only for hot weather, it should be double-breasted so as to avoid waistcoat; trousers, shirt, tie, socks, and shoes: same as dinner coat (all white articles of clothing must be immaculate and perfectly ironed). White Mess Jacket - Trousers: Black, Waistcoat: White (kummerbund not in as good taste, but black one permissible if necessary). Other details same as for white dinner coat."
• From: The Black Tie Guide on the Internet. "The white jacket variation of black tie began in the early 1930's as a way for well-heeled vacationers to dress formally in the tropical heat...However, without a proper understanding of its form and function, the white dinner jacket easily becomes a flashy gimmick....The white dinner jacket's origin on cruises and at tropical resorts speaks to its specific role as a casual alternative to traditional black tie. This less formal status limits its appropriateness to celebrity events and hot weather climates."
• From: The Amy Vanderbilt Complete Book of Etiquette (1978). Under "Informal Evening for the Groom, White or Black (preferably) dinner jacket, single- or double-breasted black vest or cummerbund. For male guests: a dark business suit."
• From: EtiquetteNow: Wedding Etiquette Expert, Rebecca Black, on the Internet. "Question: Is it appropriate to wear a white dinner jacket as a groom in a 4 pm wedding in a tropical environment where the reception will run into the evening? Answer: Dear When to Wear a White/Ivory Dinner Jacket, Yes, the tux is evening formal attire. However, 4pm is close enough in my book. I don't think anyone will fault you on this."

Clearly from researching and reading from different sources written in different decades, my experience tells me:

In conservative Richmond, Virginia, if one has to ask around if one should wear a particular style or not, it is probably best to defer to the more known, traditional, conformist style.

Perfectly appropriate is for this male guest to call his very good friend, the Father of the Bride, and ask him what he is wearing and what other male guests may be wearing, then make his decision.

Always safer to be better dressed than less dressed.

The Fallible Fall Season Finger Bowl Faux Pas

With Fall, approaches the season of company award dinners, school functions, rehearsal dinners and weddings. Who knew October is now the most popular month of the year to get married. You may have occasion to see finger bowls every week. You may only see one finger bowl in your life.
So, don't get flustered over the idea of the finger bowl and let yourself get carried away with the blowing Fall foliage. Settle in and feast your eyes on these few simple tips on how to manipulate the Finger Bowl:

• Do Not drink from your finger bowl. We all know this, n'est-ce pas?
• Do use one hand at a time. Demurely, place the fingers only in the bowl, slowly remove, then dab onto one's napkin in one's lap.
• Do remove the bowl with BOTH HANDS when finished and move the bowl to the top left of your place, signalling to the server you are done. Sometimes, finger bowls come with their own plate, but mostly, these days, they come on top of a dessert plate.
• Do make sure to remove the paper doily or linen doily accompanying the bowl if on top of a dessert plate so the server may then place the dessert onto your dessert plate.
• Do silently through example and eye contact help a dinner partner to the left or right of you in the manipulation of their finger bowl if need be.

Many years ago at my first job at Adolfo, during my first formal dinner function at a Christmas Party at the exclusive Doubles Club in New York City, I was faced with the dreaded finger bowl. I knew what it was. I knew enough not to drink from my finger bowl, but I did not know quite what to do with my finger bowl when finished. A very nice lady to my left silently helped me throgh the manipulation of my finger bowl. How nice was she! I have often thought of her and have always been greatful for her kindness shown to me as a young adult.

Enjoy the Fall, all its functions and fear not the finger bowl.

Have Americans Misplaced Our Manners on the Red Carpet?

Today, I was in a bookstore placing an order. I handed the clerk my business card with my information. Delighted, she said: "Oh, you teach etiquette and manners. I collect old etiquette books. I have an Emily Post book from 1933." Then she posed the question: "What are your thoughts about modern manners and their place in our American society today?" My answer to her was previously thought out and may seem surprising to some, but not totally out of sorts.
Let's face it, once deficits are realized, inflation sets in, interest rates go up and taxes go back up to their 1978 levels, Americans may again remember what is important in life. With all our success, American manners have gotten off track during the last few decades and generations.
Yes, having money will afford you opportunities and may take you places, but good manners will open all doors for you and take you everywhere. Treating other people as you would wish to be treated opens your soul and heart to those little miracles in life that occur every day. "Making the other person feel special always", should still be the golden rule of behavior. Just watch a few old black and white movies from "The Greatest Generation."
America has not lost its' soul. They have just misplaced it somewhere on the "Red Carpet." Maybe we will go back to having 3 generations living in the same house as did my grand-parents and great-grandparents. Much can be learned from the older, wiser generations. We do not really want to all live like the editor of a fashion magazine, and we should not need frightfully expensive designer bags and sunglasses to feel important, needed and loved.
Practice good manners and surprisingly, the results will have nothing to do with a fancy purse or a fashion runway.

Success in Business

Just heard an old expression from a 1941 movie:

Success in business is 50% hard work and 50% what type of cigar you smoke.

This saying still holds true today, n'est-ce pas? The unspoken and unwritten are still important.

Remember, this is why when interviewing, in addition to the company you are interviewing with liking you, more importantly, you must like them.

Just a Quick Poem From My Book

Good thoughts for today... and to all... have a fun rest of the summer at the beach... dig those cool bathing suits from 1907!

True One Line Joke: "What other people think of me is none of my business."

It is said that 50% of any joke we may tell others about ourselves is the truth. Sometimes, I think it's more like 80%.
The truth is, the only thing we can control is ourselves. One cannot control other people or live others' lives for them. One should not worry, either, about problems one cannot control.
I have thankfully reached the age where I do not want to control other people. It is quite enough to just to live my own life. What other people may think of me is their business and/or their problem.
Try it! This way of thinking is quite liberating! Be free and be happy with yourself, your own opinions and your own life.

LTTE Reaction to "Miss Porter's" Article in Vanity Fair, July, 2009 Issue

Letter To The Editor:

As a bright, but very tall and skinny, shy child with ADHD in the 1960's, like Tatum Bass, I was unfairly and relentlessly picked on, badgered and bullied at an exclusive private Episcopalian girl's school for no other reason than our family did not fit the mold.
We were Yankee transplants into a unique Southern society of First Families of Virginia, known locally as the FFV's. These families traced their lineages back as much as 13 generations, from the 7 Presidents of Virginia to King Carter and Mary Randolph. One basically has to be born into this society to truly fit the mold.
My grades went from straight A's in Primer to straight D's by 5th Grade, when my parents wisely pulled me out. I had stopped talking, and was the most mortally unhappy ten year old child. By the grace of God, I eventually thrived at another girl's High School and women's College. Single and professionally successful, spent the bulk of my 20's and 30's trying to fit back into the social mold in which I perceived I had failed.
It was not until I was married at 41 that I figured out life on the fringe, rather than inside the fishbowl, is so much more fulfilling, interesting and fun for me.
If one's family fits the mold, I am sure it is lovely to grow up with all that structure, security and social connections from the "1/2 of the 1 percent," but the pinnacle of perfection Miss Porter's pushes does not guarantee success, happiness or respect in life.
Hopefully, Miss Bass and her family will eventually accept her experience at Miss Porter's as a lucky lesson , learn from it, and move on.

International Travel Tips for the Summer Vacation Season

Bonjour! Ca va? When traveling through domestic or foreign lands this summer, remember to be a good traveler. The following tips will help you and your family travel well, travel safely and get the maximum benefit out of all your planning.

• Do go to the local library or book store and check out or purchase a simple paperback book on your travel destination. Research it on the Internet. Do your homework. Learn a bit about the local population, religion, language, customs, cuisine, lay out of the land, hotels, restaurants, museums and historic points of interest.
• Do dress up just a bit when traveling. Some people today look as if they are cleaning out their garage. Comfort is nice, but not that comfortable. One never knows where one will end up. My husband and I happened upon the 21 Club while walking through New York City with another couple. We all decided to go in for lunch. My husband had on jeans, thus denied entry. The only item on the 21 Club's dress code was "No Jeans." Embarrassing. If only my husband had worn khaki pants. He wears khaki pants now and forever more. Comfortable enough.
• If in Europe, the Caribbean, Latin America or the Middle East, Do not wear jeans, shorts, sweat clothes or tennis shoes. Also, gentlemen: do not wear shorts to dinner. Traditionally, gentlemen wear long pants to dinner. Europeans dislike the American casual "look" of jeans, shorts, sweat clothes and tennis shoes. Also, you will stand out as an "Ugly American" tourist. A great way to get ripped-off or robbed.
• Do immerse yourself in the local culture. Local cuisine, local haunts. You can eat at Fast Food restaurants when you get home. Safely walk or drive around. Check out the side streets, not just the main tourist traffic areas.
• Do think of traveling as a fun discovery adventure. Your visited foreign land is not and will not be like America. Do Not expect a foreign country to be like home.
• If in a foreign land, Do learn your magic words in the local language. Please, Thank You, May I, No Sir, Yes Mam, and a few phrases regarding restrooms, transportation, hotels, Hospital and menus in English, etc, will be useful and appreciated by the locals.
• Do learn the local customs regarding tipping and tip well (20%). My husband and I were on the Island of St. Barth's at a very fine French restaurant and heard a couple from Texas ask the waiter if the tip was included. The waiter answered "No." At the bottom of the menu, it clearly stated in French: "Service Compris." This means the tip IS included. That waiter was very dishonest and that poor couple was probably broke the next day after paying for an expensive meal and then leaving a tip on top of their "Service Compris." If only one of them had known a few phrases in French.
• Do speak softly. Americans are known for being too loud.
• Do walk like you know where you are going. Wandering around with a map in your hands looking up will target you as a tourist. Sit down at a cafe and have a cup of coffee, enjoy your surroundings and look at your map.
• Do try to blend in with the local citizens.
• Do put your wallet into your front pants pocket or pinned to your unmentionables, or inside your shoe. My husband puts 2 rubber bands around his wallet and puts his wallet inside his front pocket.
• Use an inexpensive travel wallet. Only put in your travel wallet the documents you need for travel. Take only 1 credit card. Leave at home all your wallet photos and documents you do not need. Thus, if you do have your wallet stolen, you will not loose everything.
• Do Not wear a fanny pack. You may as well just put a sign on yourself saying: "I am a tourist. Rip me off and rob me."
• Only pack for 6 days wherever you are going and for ever how long you are gone. You can always hand wash items yourself, or send out for laundry/dry cleaning.
• Do pick either a brown/cream OR black/jewel tone wardrobe and stick with it. Two pair of shoes will do. Ladies: one kitten heel and one loafer. One sweater or Jacket. One medium all purpose purse will do for travel items only (maps, comb, pen, first aid). Remember, keep your money separately from your purse and "on your person."
• Only travel with jewelry you can afford emotionally and fiscally to loose. Always keep any jewelry on your person.
• Check out the opening counter hours of the local airport. My husband and I usually check in and check our luggage in after Breakfast on our return travel day. Then we have the rest of the day to relax before our flight and do not have to lug around and worry about our heavy luggage.

Be aware, do your due diligence and enjoy your travels. Bon Voyage, a bientot et Au Revoir, y'all!!

LTTE W Magazine - considered for "Readers React" page

Poor bored fashion photographers. Having to shoot Haute Couture day after day. Y'all, if I wanted to take Studio Art 101 and Photography 101 AGAIN, I'd run on down to the community college and sign up. Please, have your photographers turn the lights on and focus their lenses. I simply want to see well lit, well photographed pages of your featured, gorgeous, hand crafted, hand sewn garments. I thought W was a fashion magazine, not a vehicle through which fashion photographers practice their side careers as photo-journalist/artists. Please let your loyal readers clearly see the 300 year old tradition of "High Costume," Haute Couture.

Facebook Etiquette

One is who one's friends are on Facebook, and for this reason, there are rules about how to use Facebook.

1. Only make friends with people you know.
2. Tag friends in photos only with their prior permission, and post only flattering photos of all friends and family members. Photos should be worth 1000 positive words.
3. Sass will bite you in the a** every time. Keep all comments positive, please.
4. Do not walk away/leave your Facebook page on/open in a public place (office or library) as someone else could access and alter your private profile information.
5. Do Not change your relationship status without your partner's knowledge. That is just tacky and mean.
6. Do Not over "Poke" friends without their prior permission and Do Not over "send" gifts, Easter Eggs, pillow fights, snowball fights, etc. without the friend's permission. It is annoying. We all have busy lives. We do not have time to constantly "Poke" back, "Send" back, "find" the Easter Egg, etc.
7. Please, refrain from putting down what you ate for dinner. No one cares, unless you had dinner at The White house, Buckingham Palace or 300 feet up in the air on one of those "Sky Dinner" adventures. Keep your information interesting.
8. How can one possibly have 556 friends, and if one does, how can one possibly keep up with all of them? Please, Facebook is not a popularity contest. Also know, every time you accept a friend, you are opening up your information to that friend and their friends. Control yourself!
9. Do Not make other friends read your mind. When posting information Wall to Wall, keep the information complete and whole. Do not post a reply from some other friend who sent you a question privately. Make lunch plans with friends using the "send a message" feature.
10. Be Very Careful of posting health issues on Facebook. If one must post health issues, do so only with prior permission from the patient and be consistent in updating the information. Other friends who may not be in touch regularly may not know what is going on, and you can scare friends by posting poor health information. Remember what your Mother taught you about religion and politics. Even in our modern day, one should still be very wary of posting religious thoughts or political opinions.
11. Read the fine print when taking quizzes. You are allowing Facebook and those companies giving the quizzes access to your information and your friends' information.

On the whole, mind your public babble on your "Wall" and "Wall to Wall". Be careful, be positive, keep it interesting and have fun!

Tea Party Poem

A poem from my book: "Forget-Me-Not, Forget-Me-Never"

I wish I were a tea-cup,

So when you drink tea,

At every little mouthful,

You would sometimes think of me.

Your Classmate

Beulah W. Kennedy

June 21, 1906

There are 3 types of tea: Oolong, Black and Green

When pouring tea, fill the cup only 3/4 full to allow for spillage

fill the cup only 1/2 full if the recipient takes milk

Never mix milk and lemon. The acidity of the lemon will curdle the milk

Never use cream with tea. Cream is too strong for the taste of the tea. Only use milk.

Do not clank your spoon against the edges of the cup when stirring.

Honey with green tea and a petite chocolate treat is my favorite! What is your favorite tea? ENJOY!

An Easter Poem from my "Forget-Me-Not, Forget-Me-Never" Book

From my book: "Forget-Me-Not, Forget-Me-Never"

May Heaven preserve and keep thee,

From every sorrow free,

And grant thee every blessing,

My earnest wish for thee.

Your Friend,

Mary Gleich

June 21, 1906

Happy Easter everyone!

Continental vs. American Dining

Until the 1850's, Europeans ate in the same style as Americans, switching their forks to their right hand after cutting with their left hand. In 1853, a French chef was cited in an etiquette book that changed thie practice. This French chef suggested that those who wished to eat like fashonable people should not switch their fork to their right hand after cutting their meat, but raise their fork to their mouth still in their left hand, thus, the Continental style.
The European upper classes immediately adopted this practice. Soon, Europeans of all classes began eating in the Continental style. This easy, convenient style is also great for left handed people, and as always, remember to cut your meat in any style with your elbows next to your sides.

Unfinished Fashionista

Good for the First Lady. She is beautifully educated, beautifully spoken, and beautifully dressed. Europe is fascinated with her as she seems to be something of a young novelty from a new generation. She is tall, athletic yet thin, and can wear anything. She looks like a modern day "Jackie O." Our own classic American "fashionista."
Yes, Mrs. Obama did break protocol and touched The Queen of England on the shoulder, but only after The Queen touched her first on the small of the back. I watched the video on U-Tube and the British press is not seeing what I saw, but I invite my readers to be their own judge. Even so, our First Lady should have, after being touched by the Queen, kept her arms at her sides. Maybe next time.
Our lovely First Lady did, however, hold her own next to that rock star groupie/supermodel, not so super singer/mistress turned First Lady of France, Carla. Mrs. Bruni was, however, well dressed in Dior. I just wish Mrs. Obama would have exclusively worn American born designers through Europe.
Nevertheless, I do wish Mrs. Obama would not have run all over Europe sleeveless. Not only is going sleeveless not 'Old World,' from an etiquette stand point, going sleeveless looks unfinished from a fashion stand point. Someone, please tell her stylist to put a 'Jackie O" jacket on her.

Fashion Superstition

The Fashion Industry has an old superstition: Never place a pair of shoes on a table, desk or counter. It is bad luck. Clack. Clack.

Oh Me, Oh My!

Oh Me,
Just when I thought President Obama had committed the only Protocol faux-pas of the day in shaking the hand of the Queen in a "Double Handed" handshake, today in many British newspapers, it is reported that our First Lady, Michelle Obama, touched the Queen by giving her a hug! The first rule of etiquette in meeting any member of Royalty is: do not touch Royalty.
Now, I will report that there is much speculation about who touched whom first. In the end, it does not matter because in the foreign press, Michelle Obama is blamed for breaking Protocol.
For the younger generations, whether Protocol and manners still matter in pagan, socialist countries anymore, who knows, but citizens of the Britain still adore and respect their Queen, and she is a woman of a certain age. The younger generation should respect her traditions of Protocol.
Even if the gloved Queen did touch Mrs. Obama on the small of the back first, Michelle Obama should have kept her hands to herself. If she had kept her hands at her sides, we would not even be having this conversation. The British press would only then be picking on Mrs. Obama's shoulder less dress and the iPod gift given by the Obamas to the Queen. Oh My!

Check out the link: www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/politics/G20/article6022502.ece

Meeting Her Majesty, The Queen

In watching tons of old movies on TCM, I have noticed that Americans used to say: "How do you do" when meeting someone. We do not say these words anymore and instead now say: "Nice to meet you." I prefer to say: "Nice to see you," in case I have met this person before and do not immediately remember them. When being introduced to The Queen, or any Royalty, always wait for the introduction, wait for the Queen to extend her hand and wait to answer her by saying: "How do you do," NOT "Nice to meet you." "How do you do" is more formal and is preferred by Royalty as traditional. When Prince William's girlfriend, Kate Middleton, met the Queen, she said: "Nice to meet you" and was unmercifully bashed by the media. The press said she insulted the Queen by not saying: "How do you do." The press called her "common" and "rude," and all because she did not know to say: "How do you do" to the Queen. Sounds like such a dumb little thing, but apparently not. That is what etiquette is all about....knowing all your little rules. 

Neighborly Giving vs. Government "Giving"

My Father said when he was growing up during the height of the Great Depression, his Mother would make extra dinner once a week, enough food to feed the family at the end of the street with 6 kids. During the Depression, only one person per household was allowed to work to spread out the jobs. The father had lost his job. The mother had to raise those 6 kids. They were poor. They were thin and starving. All the neighbors took turns. Everyone pitched in to help this family in need. The neighbors were only too happy to share what little they had with their neighbor not as fortunate as they.
America was not a wealthy country, yet, people appreciated what they had. Respect for each other and respecting a neighbor's feelings was paramont. One never embarassed another person for any reason. What we now refer to as "Old World" values and ideals were the rules of the day. Upon meeting someone, the first questions one would typically ask were: "Who is your family?", "Where are you and your family from?", and "What is your education." Families lived within their means.
We started this country for the purpose of small government and in the 1930's, government was still small. There was no public assistance, no food stamps, no Section 8 housing, no Social Security and workers had few rights. With progress came the good and the bad, but have we now bought into the mindset that government owes us everything as a "Right?" Please, help thy neighbor, treat others as you would wish to be treated. Please, be responsible for onself, one's children and one's family.

International gift giving

Gift Giving Protocol varries from country to country. Traditions and superstitions behind gift giving grow out of the particular cultural, societial and religious beliefs. Did you know:
Appropriate gifts in Europe include: most flowers, chocolates, liquors, books, porcelain or silver.
Inappropriate gifts in Europe include: Logo products, perfume, red roses (only for your own spouse), white flowers (funeral flowers), anything extravagant (never want to show off).

Appropriate gifts in Taiwan - Singapore include: Quality pen, Leather daily planner, Journal, books and Scotch liquor.
Inappropriate gifts in Taiwan - Singapore include: Food or Bourbon, a clock, wall decoration, anything 'Made in Asia.'
Appropriate gifts in Latin America include: Perfume, chocolates or logo gift, gifts for children and gifts for the entire family.
Inappropriate gifts in Latin America include: Kives, hankerchiefs, anything the color of Black or Purple, anything numbering 13, inappropriate to arrive empty-handed, excessive gifts.
Call the Embassy of your host country or go to the library or travel section in a bookstore, or search the internet and do your research before visiting any country. You will be considered a good traveler, you will have an easier time with your travels. As opposed to being called "the Ugly American", you can be proud to be a good American traveler.

LTTE Town & Country Magazine: "Lady and the Vamp" and Teaching Tolerance.

Dear Ms. Fiori,
Thank y'all for your article: "The Lady and the Vamp," by Molly Haskell in your February 2009 issue. It was refreshing to read an article about a few 'characters' outside of New York City. The complicated and controversial Scarlett and the sweet, simple yet steely Melanie characters from "Gone with the Wind" are more alike than first glance gives us. They admired, complimented, tolerated, loved and forgave each other. Forgiveness. Not a quality recently seen on Reality TV (or what I call 'mean TV'), in movies, books or other print media.
Speaking of forgiveness, The Margaret Mitchell House and Museum in Atlanta is where the true reality of my revealing and relevant story particular to our time begins. Margaret Mitchell lived in this two story house for seven years while writing her Pulitzer-Prize winning novel, Gone with the Wind. This historic site scrapes by and struggles to survive not only because donors and donations are few, but because some regard Gone with the Wind to be a racist movie and book (I wonder how many people have actually read the book), and repeatedly keep trying to burn down the house.
The tour starts out typically enough with a walk through the house, then her apartment which is furnished with "alike furnishings and a typewriter of the period" from, as we were told by the guide, Goodwill. A bit shocking. The first treat, however, was the mahogany lion head gargoyle adorning the staircase outside of Margaret Mitchell's apartment. Upon entering and exiting her small, ground floor home she rubbed the lion head for good luck.
Down the stairs of the house into the brick basement we were shuffled for the second half of the tour. Immediately upon entering, under glass and on the brick walls were many of Margaret Mitchell's letters to her family and relatives there for our viewing and reading. In perusing this remarkable collection of letters, one can see the natural writer in Margaret Mitchell's soul. A God calling in her life she thankfully answered to. Then, the tour took a most unexpected turn after rounding the corner.
In plain view were approximately 30 very nicely produced photographs of Martin Luther King, Jr., by Bob Adelman. Large, vivid, striking portraits of the men and of the time.
Quietly in the middle of the exhibit hung a black & white photograph of a ten year old Martin Luther King, Jr., standing on the front stairs of what was a Hollywood 'mock up' of Tara, singing 'Negro Spirituals' with the Ebenezer Baptist Church Choir for the 1939 Gone with the Wind movie Premiere Ball. His father was the choir director.
Surrounding the choir, milling about the grounds, was Atlanta's privileged society enjoying their privileges. An all white audience, white men stood in their white tie, top hat and white gloves, white ladies watched in their furs, beautiful ball gowns, white gloves and evening clutches. Some members of this polite society were photographed listing casually to the choir, as others were seemingly there to see and be seen.
Then, the stark reality hit. There stood Martin Luther King, Jr., as a boy, part of the entertainment for the cream of a society that in 1939 he was not allowed to be a participant. Amazingly, as an adult, he rose like cream to the top, emerging in an American society not only as a grand figure of national importance, but as a tolerant, important role model for his generation and future generations to come.
My Father always said: 'The cream rises to the top,' and it does. And it has. Maybe it is time for us all to find a little forgiveness in our hearts, souls and our lives.

LTTE Vogue Magazine - Extremely thin models

Dear Ms. Wintour,
As pleasing as your plea to all designers to: "consider athleticism and vitality as assets in the wearing of great fashion," sounds, we both know the fashion industry better.
My Mother, who worked on Seventh Avenue for 25 years often said: "designers will always want models who look like 'human hangers' because the clothes hang better on them.
After College, my first job in 1983 was working for a popular, well loved designer as an order clerk/receptionist/house model. At 5' 10" tall, I started the job weighing 136 pounds. One year later, I weighed a mere 118 pounds. I was offered an entree into the runway business if I would lose 15 more pounds. I also had an offer in Paris, but knew the unspoken, unwritten rule was "once over the pond, under 100 pounds." I thought seriously about both offers and passed on both having been told by the persons offering me these positions that I was not going to be able to eat anything, ever. Ever. Ever.
Twenty-five years later, this international, "under 100" silent rule has simply traveled across the pond to the USA. There undoubtedly is and will continue to be an unspoken, unwritten pressure within the fashion industry for models to be extremely thin.
Governments, Prada wearers and TV show personalities cannot regulate weight for models. Only we the general public can be definitively responsible for what we will tolerate and what media we will purchase, watch and subscribe to for our enjoyment and escapism.

You are who your friends are on Facebook

Last month we dumped our old dial up and finally got high speed. Last week I found Facebook. This week friends and family found me on Facebook. Wow. Current friends. College friends. High School friends. Childhood friends. My childhood nemesis. Old boyfriends. Oh my! Your good past and bad past does come back to haunt and taunt you. Yikes!
I set up a profile. Name, address, phones, marital status. Current job. Old jobs. Education. Favorite movies. Favorite books.  Favorite photos. Family photos. Profile photos. Favorite places traveled. All places traveled. Facebook even has a section for political views and religious views. Remember however what your mother told you about religion and politics. Hard not to offend someone else eventually.
And just like that, my Facebook profile page now reflects who I am and who my friends and family are. Just think, a few posted pages reflect your entire being. A resume of your life. Fascinating and frightening. A record of everything you type onto some elses Facebook Wall. Permanent public babble posted in writing forever. So, always keep it positive. Colleges and future employers will be checking out your FB page, and Googling your name.
Facebook is also addictive. Time can be wasted. So, keep it quick, informative and interesting. Stay away from what you ate for dinner. Not all thoughts are diamonds.  
The old expression "Birds of a feather flock together," really has come home to roost on Facebook. Just keep it pithy and positive!