Better Etiquette: Old European Manners

Old European manners are lovely and often seem as though they are from a former and slower world. These subtle manners are harder & harder to find, but they're still practiced in grand hotels and restaurants, high society & by famous Hollywood figures, a few politicians, and members of the "Greatest Generation." Those in the know, know how powerful these elusive manners can be. If you happen to visit another country, attend a lavish charity gala, attend an important company dinner, dine in a fancy restaurant, or travel to any big city, even in the US, here are a few tips:

DON'T use the word "charming" or "classy."
ALWAYS have your business card or personal calling card at the ready when attending a business meeting or at a trusted personal gathering, shopping or banking, especially in big cities.
DO hand your business/personal card to people with both hands. This act is considered a sign of respect. Accept a business card as well with both hands. DO NOT grab a business card with one hand and immediately stuff it in your back pants pocket. This behavior is considered rude. Accept it gladly with both hands, gaze at it carefully & slowly put it in your breast pocket, wallet or purse.
ALWAYS use your "Magic Words." "Please", "Thank you", "May I" and "You're Welcome" go a long way in any language and are appreciated!
It is polite and a tradition to have a coffee, rum or cognac and hang out a bit after the meal. It is a compliment to the chef, waiter and restaurant to fully enjoy your evening!
Telling jokes and using slang or curse words DOES NOT translate well. Sports analogies DO NOT translate well either.
DO speak softly and slowly. DO NOT be loud and boisterous. DO NOT be the "Ugly American."
DO practice "Continental Dining" style only. The tradition of having your wrists above the table dates back to the 15th Century. Showing you have no dagger up your sleeve lets the King know he can trust you. Having your hands under the table is still culturally thought of today as though you are hiding something. Continental dining is great for left handed people too!
DO NOT spark up conversations at restaurants, bars, or in line. Europeans are quiet and private.
Dessert and Cognac are served at the table. Coffee may be served after dessert in another room.
Just as our Mother taught you, DO NOT talk about religion or politics.
DO NOT ask for a "house tour." Europeans are very private. Being invited inside a home is a great honor. Be sure to bring a thoughtful, appropriate gift (see International Gift Giving) and be sure to write a thank you note.
DO NOT leave the table before your host/hostess.
DO NOT touch or scratch your head or above your shoulders in public. Touching your head is considered beckoning the Devil & bad luck within many religions and in many countries. Ironically, post-COVID19, thankfully, once again, it is NOT appropriate to touch your face. Hopefully, annual flu seasons will be lesser.
DO NOT stand, walk or pose for photographs with your hands in your pockets. Pockets are for giving change only. Europeans wonder what your hands are doing in there. Keep your hands at your sides.
DO NOT yawn in public. Or fidget. Or sway from side to side while standing. Stand straight with your hands to the sides of your body.
DO NOT show emotion, or fight, in the street.
DO NOT use hand gestures. NO "thumbs up" or the "OK" sign! Different meanings for different gestures, but most of them in most countries are obscene and rude. Just stay away from using your hands altogether!
Place your fork & knife in the 10:4 position on your plate when finished. Knife blade always facing in. This gesture signals you are finished with your meal. The waiters know. They are trained.
DO NOT eat or drink while walking down the street, or drink coffee in your car or on public transportation! Eating & drinking on the street or out in public is considered rude. Find a quiet bench in a park, sit & enjoy!
DO NOT use your hands when talking. Again, the dreaded hand gestures!
Business is NOT discussed during dinner. It may be discussed during coffee.
Dress is casual chic, conservative and clean. Always veer toward the more formal. Black and beige clothing is best for blending in. Blending into any culture is key. No tube tops, bra straps showing, or sleeveless tops with arms showing. Collars are a must for men. NO old worn out shoes or filthy sandals with dirty, unpolished feet. It's "Ugly American" tacky. Doormen look at your shoes. Shopgirls look at your purse.
Please, NO SHORTS for men in the evening. It's not dignified (the "Ugly American" again) & it is considered disrespectful.
ASK PERMISSION before taking a photo of someone.
Family is the #1 priority. Education is #2. Where you are from is #3. Different priorities when asking people about themselves.
DO NOT slap someone on the back. DO NOT snap your fingers. DO NOT whistle. DO NOT chew gum in public. Rude.
The salad course comes LAST. Good for the digestion. Helps starve off a cravings for sweets.
Cheese and fruit may also be served after the salad. Also helps in craving sweets.
"Air Kissing" is popular in many European Countries. 1 or 2 cheeks. Men and/or Women. Check the specific Country.
Tips are included in the Bill. They are anywhere from 10% - 18%. "SERVICE COMPRIS" or "DIENST INBEGREPEN" is printed on the bottom of the check. DO NOT rely on the waiter or Manager to tell you the truth. My husband and I were on Honeymoon in St. Barth's at a very nice restaurant, and heard a Texas couple ask the waiter if the service was included. The waiter slyly said "No" although "Service Compris" was clearly listed at the bottom of the check. This lack of etiquette knowledge cost the couple $40. Happens all the time. If the service is very good, leave a small extra cash tip on the table when leaving.
If you want the check, you must ask for it. "Signer s'il vous plait." You may use a signing hand gesture here. The one time a hand gesture is understood without a translation problem (one hand as a paper, one hand as a pen signing). It is polite and tradition to hang out after the meal and enjoy your evening, perhaps also with a cognac, or a 2 oz. port or rum. The waiter, chef and restaurant will be pleased. This is why a small bit of cash is traditionally left on the table after the "Service Compris" bill is paid.
Vermouth or Cinzano are served BEFORE dinner.
Beware of drinking in other countries. For example: Belgian Beer has a higher alcohol content than US beer. Italians and Greeks consider it rude if one gets drunk in public.
DO NOT drink to excess in Europe or the Middle East or especially in Italy or Greece. It is considered rude and is dangerous now in a more dangerous world.
If you ask for "Whisky" you may be served SCOTCH Whisky. Be specific when ordering.
In the UK and Europe, husbands/wives/partners ARE NOT seated next to each other at Dinner Parties. This way you get to know other guests.
Just as in Downton Abbey, in the middle of the meal, the Host will "turn" and speak to the person seated to his left. The guest of honor is seated on the right, so is spoken with first by the host. This "turning" by the host is the "signal" for everyone else to "turn."
Chrysanthemums are FUNERAL flowers. Stay away from giving white or red flowers.
DO stand for all introductions.
It is bad luck and considered rude to point your knife blade out facing someone else or point your chopsticks at someone else.
Women always extend their hand first for an introduction.
DO NOT leave coins, or a penny for a tip. Considered an insult. In college as a lunch and dinner waitress, I was left one penny by an Italian gentleman who complained his "French Dip" sandwich was not rare. French Dip NEVER arrives rare unless you happen to catch the chef pulling the roast fresh out of the oven.
When in Russia or the Middle East, be careful in admiring any object, you may end up with it. Many Old European mannered persons offer their guest "whatever you choose." A Russian Nanny friend painted a dozen eggs, and offered me my choice of egg. One of the best, most favorite, & most memorable gifts I have ever been given.
In Middle Eastern cultures, not sharing (for example, a Birthday Cake in a Restaurant) opens one up to the "Evil Eye" of envy, jealousy and greed which makes one venerable.
In some Middle Eastern countries, shoes are associated with fertility. Also, the soles of your shoes are considered dirty. DON'T cross your legs at the knee and show the sole of your shoes. Keep your feet on the floor. Also, to throw your shoes at someone is to insult them.
Cesar thought when Ester spilled the salt at the table (very expensive seasoning then) she was summoning the Devil. If you spill the salt at the table, throw some over your left shoulder for good luck.
Again, just like Downton Abbey, banging the Gong once to summon everyone to dinner originates from the eclipse. The "Sky Dog" eats the Sun, and the gong is beat to chase the Sky Dog away!
The Concierge means "care taker." Take care of the Concierge with a nice tip and they will take care of you!