International Gift Giving Tips

Many years ago, I spoke to a young reporter who said her mother told her she did not have to bring a gift to the host/hostess when invited to dinner at their home. The reporter justified this opinion by saying: "They invited me. I am the guest." YES, they were entertaining her! Hosts spend many hours cleaning and taking much trouble and expense to entertain you. 

As a single girl for 20 years, I get it! Yes, it is expensive to have to buy a gift to go to someone's home for dinner, or special occasion. The very least anyone can do is to bake cookies or a bunt cake, bring a modest bottle of table wine, or a small gathering of hot house or field flowers. 

At a minimum, you are obliged as a good guest, to show your appreciation in bringing a small gift and writing a "Thank You" note.

If you are at odds about your choice of gift internationally, you can always call the host country Embassy. They know the Protocol! 

So, below is everyone's favorite post, and especially fun for teenagers! Interesting to read even if you are not planning domestic or international travel or gift giving at the moment. 

USA GIFTS - Appropriate:

• Fine or modest bottle of table wine (drinkers only)
• Local Micro-brewery beer (drinkers only)
• A nice Scotch (drinkers only)
• Pretty bar towel or kitchen towel set (2) 
• Wine stopper (drinkers only)
• Fine chocolates
• Appropriate Magazine subscription 
• Coffee Table book from your home region
• Small decorative Dresser box or dish
• Nice pen & pencil set
• Plant
• Lovely picture frame (with a photo of the family inside if you have a special one)
• "Hot House" or field flowers
• Homemade cookies, brownies or bunt cake
• Regional gifts such as Virginia peanuts
• Nice coffee or teas and tea related products

USA GIFTS - NOT Appropriate

• Any alcohol or alcohol related products to non-drinkers
• Red roses
• Perfum, bath products or personal items
• Cash
• Home improvement gift card (!)
• Dining out gift card (!)

EUROPEAN and UK GIFTS - Appropriate:

• Fine Chocolates
• Flowers (as always, check local appropriate types of flower, colors, and number)
• Fine liquors, wines or Scotch
• Small gifts for children such as candy, little chocolates or little toys
• Small silver or porcelain dresser boxes or dishes 
• Coffee table book from your home region
• Fine coffee or teas

EUROPEAN and UK GIFTS - Not Appropriate:

• Logo gifts
• Expensive gifts (may be embarrassing for host/hostess)
• Red roses (for lovers only) or white flowers (funeral color)
• Perfume, bath products or anything personal
• Any alcohol or related products for non-drinkers

LATIN AMERICA GIFTS - Appropriate

• Fine chocolates
• Logo gifts from your home region (for example Virginia peanuts)
• Small gifts for children such as candy, little chocolates or small toys
• Coffee table book from your home region
• Perfume

LATIN AMERICA GIFTS - Inappropriate

• Knives, scissors or sharp instruments (considered bad luck - even with a 'lucky penny' enclosed)
• Handkerchief (sorrow), bath products (too personal)
• Expensive gift (may embarrass the host/hostess)
• To arrive empty handed with no gift (considered inconsiderate)
• Any gift in purple or black(funeral colors)
• Any gift numbering 13 (bad luck)

JAPAN GIFTS - Appropriate

 (present or receive the gift with both hands & do not open the gift right when given)

• Fine Scotch or Brandy
• Flowers in even numbers, but NOT the #4 (death) and NO white flowers (funeral color)
• Cash (given to children in a red envelope for the New Year for good luck) cash in even numbers, but NOT the #4 (death)
• Coffee table book from your home region
• US Logos from your home region 
• US brand names are popular
• Products from your home region
• Company Logo products
• Fine Tea or tea related products, including shortbreads and jam

JAPAN GIFTS - Inappropriate

• Clocks or watches (means 'Time is running out')
• Potted plant (for a sick person in Hospital)
• Personal or grooming items such as a comb (the word for comb sounds like death) 
• Candles (represents a fire) 
• Knives or scissors (DO NOT give even with a 'lucky penny' attached as they symbolize cutting a relationship or death)
• Joke gifts or humorous gifts (they do not translate well & are considered inconsiderate)
• Any gift "Made in Japan" (obviously)
• Any gift numbering 4  (the number 4 means death)
• Any gift numbering 9 (the number 9 means suffering)
• Anything with a Fox, Wolf or Badger (menacing)
• DO NOT wrap gifts in white or black wrapping paper (funeral colors)
• DO NOT give ribbons or bows (used for gift wrapping only, and it's an art in Japan)
• DO NOT surprise your host/hostess with your gift first. allow them to give you a gift first 

ARAB COUNTRIES GIFTS - Appropriate

• Coffee table book
• Made in the USA gifts
• Regional gifts
• Corporate gifts
• Little candies or small toys for the children

ARAB COUNTRIES - Inappropriate

• Any alcohol or alcohol related products
• Logo merchandise
• Joke, humorous or cheap novelty gifts
• Any gift for someone's spouse (too personal)
• Any gift that is white (mourning)
• DO NOT give food (symbolizing poverty)

TAIWAN and SINGAPORE GIFTS - Appropriate

• Fine Scotch or Whisky
• Coffee table book from your home region
• Company Logo gifts are popular 
• Fine desk set
• Fine daily appointment books
• Fine writing journals
• Fine tea leaves and fine tea related ceramics
• Fine jade
• DO NOT give white flowers or white gifts (funeral color)
• DO NOT give anything in a set of 4 or number 4 (death)
• DO refuse the gift a few times before accepting (polite and modest)
• Accept and give the gift with both hands (respectful)
• Reciprocation is tradition, so take into account the recipient's financial status
• Wrap well in red or pink colors
• Give an even number of flowers (but NOT the #4 or #13. Odd numbers = bad omen The #6 is good luck) NO white flowers (funeral)

TAIWAN and SINGAPORE GIFTS - Inappropriate

• Clocks or watches ("Time is passing" which signifies death)
• Anything extravagant (reciprocation tradition) 
• Knives or scissors (severing of a relationship and considered bad luck even with a 'lucky penny' attached)
• Wall decorations (Feng shui)
• Handkerchiefs (wiping away tears which signifies sadness and mourning)
• Red pens or writing on the card with a red pen (signifies blood)
• "Made in Asia" (tacky)
• Joke or humorous novelty gifts (they don't translate well and are considered to be disrespectful)
• Food (symbolizing poverty)
• Bourbon (they do not fancy bourbon)
• DO NOT give items numbering 4 or a gift in a set of 4 (death) While 8 is a lucky number, do not give 2 sets of 4

SOUTH KOREA GIFTS - Appropriate

• Fine Scotch
• Status gifts from a designer store
• Regional gift from your home country
• Coffee table book from your home country
• Company products
• Fine teas and tea related products
• Fine porcelain bowls 

SOUTH KOREA GIFTS - Inappropriate

• Knives or scissors (bad luck even with a 'lucky penny' attached)
• White or yellow Chrysanthemums (funeral flowers)
• shoes (the soles of shoes are considered dirty and to throw your shoe at someone is an insult to them)
• Food (poverty)
• "Made in Asia" products (tacky) or joke novelty products (cheap)

CHINA and HONG KONG GIFTS - Appropriate

(gift reciprocity when suitable is tradition "Li Shang Wang Lai") 

• Fine Scotch
• Coffee table book from your home country
• Company products
• Special Regional gifts from your home country
• Fine teas or tea related products
• Give and receive gifts with both hands
• Numbers 6 and 8 are good luck (but NOT 2 sets of 4 as the #4 means death)
• The recipient may not open the gift infront of you (modesty and humility)  
• Presentation is an important sign of respect. Wrap the gift well.
• Red wrapping paper is considered a happy color
• White or black wrapping paper is for funerals
• Gold or silver wrapping paper is used for weddings

CHINA GIFTS - Inappropriate

• Nothing personal (perfume, bath products, neckties, belts or jewelry)
• Handkerchiefs (sadness or mourning at a funeral)
• Shoes (evil)
• Clocks or watches ("Time is running out") 
• DO NOT write with a red pen on a card (blood) although red wrapping paper is considered a happy color
• DO NOT give any item numbering 4 or anything in a set of 4 (death)
• Be certain to remove the price tag
• Food (symbolizing poverty)
• DO NOT give cut flowers (given at funerals) 
• DO NOT give anything white (funeral color)
• Umbrella (break up)
• DO NOT give food (poverty). Pears represent parting or leaving.

Always remember, gifts are about the recipient, not the giver.

Old European Manners

Old European manners are lovely and often seem as though they are from a former and slower world. These subtle manners are harder & harder to find, but they're still practiced in grand hotels and restaurants, high society & by famous Hollywood figures, a few politicians, and members of the "Greatest Generation." Those in the know, know how powerful these elusive manners can be. If you happen to visit another country, attend a lavish charity gala, attend an important company dinner, dine in a fancy restaurant, or travel to any big city, even in the US, here are a few tips:

• DON'T use the word "charming" or "classy."
• ALWAYS have your business card or personal calling card at the ready when attending a business meeting or at a trusted personal gathering, shopping or banking, especially in big cities.
• DO hand your business/personal card to people with both hands. This act is considered a sign of respect. Accept a business card as well with both hands. DO NOT grab a business card with one hand and immediately stuff it in your back pants pocket. This behavior is considered rude. Accept it gladly with both hands, gaze at it carefully & slowly put it in your breast pocket, wallet or purse. 
• ALWAYS use your "Magic Words." "Please", "Thank you", "May I" and "You're Welcome" go a long way in any language and are appreciated!  
• It is polite and a tradition to have a coffee, rum or cognac and hang out a bit after the meal. It is a compliment to the chef, waiter and restaurant to fully enjoy your evening! 
• Telling jokes and using slang or curse words DOES NOT translate well. Sports analogies DO NOT translate well either.   
• DO speak softly and slowly. DO NOT be loud and boisterous. DO NOT be the "Ugly American." 
• DO practice "Continental Dining" style only. The tradition of having your wrists above the table dates back to the 15th Century. Showing you have no dagger up your sleeve lets the King know he can trust you. Having your hands under the table is still culturally thought of today as though you are hiding something. Continental dining is great for left handed people too! 
• DO NOT spark up conversations at restaurants, bars, or in line. Europeans are quiet and private.
• Dessert and Cognac are served at the table. Coffee may be served after dessert in another room.
• Just as our Mother taught you, DO NOT talk about religion or politics. 
• DO NOT ask for a "house tour." Europeans are very private. Being invited inside a home is a great honor. Be sure to bring a thoughtful, appropriate gift (see International Gift Giving) and be sure to write a thank you note.
• DO NOT leave the table before your host/hostess.
• DO NOT touch or scratch your head or above your shoulders in public. Touching your head is considered beckoning the Devil & bad luck within many religions and in many countries. Ironically, post-COVID19, thankfully, once again, it is NOT appropriate to touch your face. Hopefully, annual flu seasons will be lesser.
• DO NOT stand, walk or pose for photographs with your hands in your pockets. Pockets are for giving change only. Europeans wonder what your hands are doing in there. Keep your hands at your sides.
• DO NOT yawn in public. Or fidget. Or sway from side to side while standing. Stand straight with your hands to the sides of your body. 
• DO NOT show emotion, or fight, in the street.
• DO NOT use hand gestures. NO "thumbs up" or the "OK" sign! Different meanings for different gestures, but most of them in most countries are obscene and rude. Just stay away from using your hands altogether! 
• Place your fork & knife in the 10:4 position on your plate when finished. Knife blade always facing in. This gesture signals you are finished with your meal. The waiters know. They are trained. 
• DO NOT eat or drink while walking down the street, or drink coffee in your car or on public transportation! Eating & drinking on the street or out in public is considered rude. Find a quiet bench in a park, sit & enjoy! 
• DO NOT use your hands when talking. Again, the dreaded hand gestures!
• Business is NOT discussed during dinner. It may be discussed during coffee. 
• Dress is casual chic, conservative and clean. Always veer toward the more formal. Black and beige clothing is best for blending in. Blending into any culture is key. No tube tops, bra straps showing, or sleeveless tops with arms showing. Collars are a must for men. NO old worn out  shoes or filthy sandals with dirty, unpolished feet. It's "Ugly American" tacky. Doormen look at your shoes. Shopgirls look at your purse.  
• Please, NO SHORTS for men in the evening. It's not dignified (the "Ugly American" again) & it is considered disrespectful.  
• ASK PERMISSION before taking a photo of someone. 
• Family is the #1 priority. Education is #2. Where you are from is #3. Different priorities when asking people about themselves. 
• DO NOT slap someone on the back. DO NOT snap your fingers. DO NOT whistle. DO NOT chew gum in public. Rude.
• The salad course comes LAST. Good for the digestion. Helps starve off a cravings for sweets. 
• Cheese and fruit may also be served after the salad. Also helps in craving sweets.
• "Air Kissing" is popular in many European Countries. 1 or 2 cheeks. Men and/or Women. Check the specific Country.
• Tips are included in the Bill. They are anywhere from 10% - 18%. "SERVICE COMPRIS" or "DIENST INBEGREPEN" is printed on the bottom  of the check. DO NOT rely on the waiter or Manager to tell you the truth. My husband and I were on Honeymoon in St. Barth's at a very nice restaurant, and heard a Texas couple ask the waiter if the service was included. The waiter slyly said "No" although "Service Compris" was clearly listed at the bottom of the check. This lack of etiquette knowledge cost the couple $40. Happens all the time. If the service is very good, leave a small extra cash tip on the table when leaving.
• If you want the check, you must ask for it. "Signer s'il vous plait." You may use a signing hand gesture here. The one time a hand gesture is understood without a translation problem (one hand as a paper, one hand as a pen signing). It is polite and tradition to hang out after the meal and enjoy your evening, perhaps also with a cognac, or a 2 oz. port or rum. The waiter, chef and restaurant will be pleased. This is why a small bit of cash is traditionally left on the table after the "Service Compris" bill is paid.
• Vermouth or Cinzano are served BEFORE dinner.
• Beware of drinking in other countries. For example: Belgian Beer has a higher alcohol content than US beer. Italians and Greeks consider it rude if one gets drunk in public.  
• DO NOT drink to excess in Europe or the Middle East or especially in Italy or Greece. It is considered rude and is dangerous now in a more dangerous world. 
• If you ask for "Whisky" you may be served SCOTCH Whisky. Be specific when ordering.
• In the UK and Europe, husbands/wives/partners ARE NOT seated next to each other at Dinner Parties. This way you get to know other guests.  
• Just as in Downton Abbey, in the middle of the meal, the Host will "turn" and speak to the person seated to his left. The guest of honor is seated on the right, so is spoken with first by the host. This "turning" by the host is the "signal" for everyone else to "turn." 
• Chrysanthemums are FUNERAL flowers. Stay away from giving white or red flowers. 
• DO stand for all introductions. 
• It is bad luck and considered rude to point your knife blade out facing someone else or point your chopsticks at someone else. 
• Women always extend their hand first for an introduction. 
• DO NOT leave coins, or a penny for a tip. Considered an insult. In college as a lunch and dinner waitress, I was left one penny by an Italian gentleman who complained his "French Dip" sandwich was not rare. French Dip NEVER arrives rare unless you happen to catch the chef pulling the roast fresh out of the oven. 
• When in Russia or the Middle East, be careful in admiring any object, you may end up with it. Many Old European mannered persons offer their guest "whatever you choose." A Russian Nanny friend painted a dozen eggs, and offered me my choice of egg. One of the best, most favorite, & most memorable gifts I have ever been given. 
• In Middle Eastern cultures, not sharing (for example, a Birthday Cake in a Restaurant) opens one up to the "Evil Eye" of envy, jealousy and greed which makes one venerable. 
• In some Middle Eastern countries, shoes are associated with fertility. Also, the soles of your shoes are considered dirty. DON'T cross your legs at the knee and show the sole of your shoes. Keep your feet on the floor. Also, to throw your shoes at someone is to insult them.
• Cesar thought when Ester spilled the salt at the table (very expensive seasoning then) she was summoning the Devil. If you spill the salt at the table, throw some over your left shoulder for good luck.
• Again, just like Downton Abbey, banging the Gong once to summon everyone to dinner originates from the eclipse. The "Sky Dog" eats the Sun, and the gong is beat to chase the Sky Dog away! 
• The Concierge means "care taker." Take care of the Concierge with a nice tip and they will take care of you!

Travel safely, travel well, and enjoy your new found "Old European" manners knowledge!  

A Paradigm Shift in Society for the New Millennia & Millennials & Sprezzatura!

A paradigm shift is here. Gone are the old European Victorian etiquette & manners of the last Century. Here are the new rules (etiquette) and behaviors (manners) of the new millennium, brought in by the now Millennial generation, coming into a firm adulthood at 30 years of age. Different set of charms. Different set of graces. Different ways of verbal and written communication. Different priorities in their daily lives. Neither better nor worse, because in the end, human nature does not change. It's  just different.

We older generations may not like it. It's not our way. To us it holds no charm. No grace. No trust. Little gratitude. But, Millennials have not grown up like we older ones did. No exploring, playing "Kick the Can" or riding bikes all over the neighborhood with all the nearby kids completely unsupervised until dinner or dark. Millennials have working Moms and have had to have every single activity supervised. After school activities are also supervised whether it be a Dance Class or Lacrosse practice. Weekend activities are supervised too, as are Summer activities.    

Gone are the days of "The customer is always right." Now, one has to chat up any customer service representative and follow their instruction to the "T." No trust shown to the customer. Instead, you, the customer, must prove you are to be trusted. No small talk allowed. No sense of humor allowed. Yet, at the end of each fact only, exhausting 40 minute phone call or in store experience, you may or may not accomplish your task needed. You may have to start all over again with a Supervisor. If you don't follow instruction to their "T", as well, you may be disconnected and have to start over. So, just be ready for a minimum 40 minute phone call, and have all your documents, account numbers and a credit card ready.

We older ones, raised with our Grandparents born with parents from the Victorian Age were taught discretion. Be gentle. Be kind. Don't ever complain. Be diplomatic in your statements about religion and politics. It is rude to give your unsolicited opinion, verbally or in writing. We wrote quite differently that we spoke. No longer. Millennials write just like they talk. The Online world is their Kingdom. Their Universe. They are more insular in their relationships and lives. More introspective. To them, the unsupervised outside world is not to be trusted, so they will tell you Online exactly how they think and exactly how they feel. We older ones may read it or consider it to be rude, but Millennials do not. It's how they operate. It is how they live, and it's their world now.  

All in all, Human nature does not change all that much. We all want to be loved. To be accepted. To be polite. To be liked. To be respectful and respected. We all want that elusive Sprezzatura! To do better. To get along socially and in business. We all want to succeed and be happy for ourselves and our families. We all seek respite from an always changing, ever angry and tough world. 

The important thing to remember about finding happiness today, is to each find our "nitch." Our balance. Life in little increments. Learning from our mistakes and failings. Waking up anew every day and trying to do better. Working on our flaws and listening to family & friends. Forgiving others their sins and cruel behaviors towards us and not worrying about them at all or removing ourselves from those situations. Giving a bad situation or conversation 3 minutes for the other person to vent, then changing direction by politely and diplomatically leaving the conversation or room. 

Life is not easy. It's one thing after another. It is a survival of the fittest world. The more we do every day to stay "fit", the better we will get along and go along. Versatility is the key. Changing direction is crucial. As my brilliant Step-Sister said at age 15: "Accept, adapt, and move on! "

How Not To Be A Tacky Tourist Target

Traveling can be exhilarating, and exhausting! Sometimes, traveling is a bad Murphy's Law adventure you can't control. Don't fret! What you can control is how you blend in, speak to others, react, and behave. Here are some "Do and Don't" tips:

• DO exchange your currency at your local bank before you travel. Allow 10 days to 2 weeks for this service. You will get the most reliable exchange rate. NEVER exchange currency with anyone on the street.

• DO speak politely, softly, and slowly so you may blend in to your surroundings and culture. Learn a few "Magic Words" to show respect for the local language (Thank You, Please, You're Welcome) and use these magic words always. 

• DO wear "casual chic" black or beige plain clothes & dark walking shoes so that you may blend in. NEVER wear a visible "fanny pack" as this item labels you as a tourist. Online Sporting companies  have versatile  travel clothing with hidden zippers, etc. Or, like my Mother, you can safety pin your cash into your underclothes and hide cash inside your shoes.

• DO dress up a bit with a clean collared shirt, clean shoes, pressed pants or skirt. Dressing up a bit is always better because you can choose to have lunch at The 21 Club (no jeans allowed) or have lunch at The Cotton Club in Mustique (collared shirts required) and have Afternoon Tea at a fancy hotel, or walk into the nicest hotel you have ever seen like you belong, and use their lovely, clean and safe ground floor restroom. Always carry a few small bills for the restroom attendant.

• DO immerse yourself into local culture, local customs and local cuisine. You may find a new favorite food!

• DO Pause, look, listen and learn! DO always look for the room exit signs and pick a seat facing the door. Always be aware of an exit strategy. Including the plane, you will have 90 seconds. DO wear covered shoes. Hard to run through darkness, smoke and over broken glass in sandals or flip flops. 

• DO learn a few "magic words." (Please, Thank You, You're Welcome, May I) The locals will very much appreciate your efforts!

• DO travel with a small, thin "travel wallet." Only bring ID's & Documents you need. Try to book a room with a safe and place your Passport and some cash inside that safe. Fit your travel wallet into your FRONT pocket, or buy a travel shirt with hidden inside pockets that have zippers. Put some cash in your shoe. Safety pin some cash inside your bra. I have a friend who keeps her "mad money" and lipstick in her cleavage! Ha!

• DO keep copies of your Passport and Prescriptions in the room safe.

• DO check out where the local Pharmacy is located. Have the name, phone number & E-mail of your GP at the ready for emergency "E-Script" Prescriptions. 

• DO Tip the Concierge, the counter Clerk, the Taxi Driver, the Bellman, the Rest Room attendant, and tip when asking for directions. Save up small bills all year to do so. You WILL receive better service and tables! It's amazing! 

• DO NOT bring fine jewelry or designer purses with you while traveling. This goes for flashy fake jewelry or fake designer purses too. Muggers will not know the difference. NEVER place the strap of the purse or man bag across your neck. ALWAYS hang the strap off of one shoulder. Keep your hand on your purse and zipper in the front covered by your hand. Muggers will knock you to the ground to get the strap off of your body. 

• Best NOT to travel with any rings, necklaces or watches. Bring only what you can afford to lose. Tuck your modest necklaces in and turn your rings if you choose to wear them. NEVER take your rings off when washing your hands. In 1966, my Grandmother took off her wedding rings in the lovely Ladies' restroom at Saks Fifth Avenue in New York to wash her hands and they were stolen, right from under her eyes! 

• DO NOT walk down the street looking up at the buildings as you will look like a lost tourist.

• DO NOT walk down the street eating or drinking. Considered rude!

• DO NOT yawn, touch your head, fidget or walk with your hands in your pockets.

• DO NOT talk in slang or tell jokes as they may not translate well.

• DO NOT talk about politics or religion.

• DO NOT use hand gestures at all. Many hand gestures are obscene in other countries. Each country differs, but best to stay away from hand gestures all together.

• DO NOT wear white tennis shoes. Tacky Tourist Target! Wear black tennis shoes if you must.

• DO NOT wear a "Fanny Pack." Tacky Tourist Target! May as well hand over all your valuables.

• DO NOT expect Hotel room accommodations to be the same as American Hotels. Space is at a premium in big cities. You are paying for space. 

                    Remember: Blend in! Enjoy local culture, customs, cuisine and conversation!

                  Plan a loose schedule and learn a few "magic words" in the local language.

              Traveling can be stressful, exhausting & confusing.

            Rest, rehydrate and use caution always.

 

How to be a Good Gift Giver!

Today I received one of the most complimentary "Thank You" notes of all time! One of my best and dearest friends thanked me for a "perfect gift." Cleverly, she wrote: "I have always wondered if you have a closet somewhere stocked full of perfect gifts for friends." She's close!

The secret to being a good gift giver is thinking of that person when you spot an item. Doesn't matter when or where. Best to be alert and aware when shopping.

The "perfect gift" will reveal itself at any time, so be ready! When you are browsing Online, perusing on Amazon, shopping for someone else or for yourself, and you see an item reminding you of a friend or family member, buy it then and there! Keep the gift in a closet or cabinet until the special occasion or the Holiday season arrives.

This strategy includes Gift Cards. As I once heard a teenager say, one does not want to give a "loser gift card" (Gift Cards from stores the person does not shop with). Make sure your gift card will be useful to the recipient. It's SO nice to be organized!

The best time of year to browse is in January and July when everything is on 50% off sale!

This way, you are all ready for the busy Fall season and done with your shopping for the Holidays!

Being a good gift giver involves thinking of the other person, not thinking of yourself.

Practice on little fun gifts and work your way up to the important, significant gifts.

Good luck and good thoughts about others!

Yes Y'all, Southern Manners Are Steeped Like Sweet Tea in Lovely Tradition - Especially in Columbia, SC

Hey there y'all! How is your Mother? How's the family?
We live in Virginia, but visited Columbia, SC last week, and noticed an even deeper Southern manner, steeped like "Sweet Tea" in long standing tradition.
Yes, etiquette & manners in the South, and the Deep South are uniquely lovely.
How many of y'all are visiting NC, SC & GA beaches this Summer? Driving down? Stopping along the way?

Here are a few Southern tips:

• When in the South, even when passing a stranger on the sidewalk, make eye contact and say "Hello." To everyone. Southerners speak on the sidewalk. "Hey" or "Hi y'all" will do as well. Also make a gesture of a small wave. It shows respect. 
• As your Mama taught you, Southerners respect everyone. Always.
• Your Mama said: Never talk about religion or politics. It only ultimately leads to drunken brawls. Southerners raised right do not participate in drunken brawls. 
• Speak softly everywhere you go. The public street is not your college campus quad. 
• The air is thick in the South. Even the night air. Everything is slow. So, slow down. This is the point. 
• After it rains, because it is so hot, steam rises up from the roads like fog. So, go slow. Go slow anyway, it's the South. No hurry. No worry. 
• Always ask: "How is your Mother?" or "How's the family?" It shows respect, and Southerners do not like talking about themselves. Southerners always ask the other person how they are and their family are doing.
• Use your magic words in abundance! Please, Thank You, May I and You're Welcome should be used all the time and in daily conversation, even if casual.
• Try to only listen and not to give an opinion, (& especially not a religious or political opinion) but if you must, give it diplomatically and quietly. Southerners do not yell (remember, it only leads to that ugly drunken brawl thing).
• If you order Tea in a restaurant, your server will ask "sweetened or unsweetened." Just know that if you order "Sweet Tea" it will be ICED, and will contain LOTS of sugar. Very sweet! If you want hot tea, you have to say the word "Hot" because, the South is usually about 98 Degrees from May to November, so no one orders "Hot" tea. 
• Grits are simply, boiled corn kernels. Hominy Grits have the cereal germ removed. Grits are better left plain with butter. They are good with cheese too. They are also really good with shrimp.  They are not so much good with complicated sauces. Southerners do not like their grits swimming around in fancy red & brown nouveau cuisine sauces.  
• If you borrow something, return it in due time with a small treat added. Southerners never return an empty container. Because it's empty. What's the nicety in that? Fill it with a little treat, candy, cookies, or recipe. Say: "I've been having this container in my car for a week and I need to return it to you." "Been havin' " is the preferred phrase.
• Don't criticize other people or complain. EVER. It's tacky. The only acceptable public complaint is of the weather: "It's hot outside." Period.
• In the South, if it is not proper it's tacky. Don't aspire to be tacky, because, well, that's just tacky.
• Always dress up, just a bit. It shows respect to yourself and others. Long khaki's at night for men (not shorts). Women: always have on lipstick & mascara. You never know who you'll run into at the grocery store, and you WILL eventually run into a friend of your Mother's at the store.
• Always hold the door. Always give up your seat while on the Bus for an elderly person or a pregnant woman. 
• Yes, "Ma'am" and "Sir", albeit recently under scrutiny for smacking of a world "Gone With The Wind" still does show respect, and especially for older persons. It is how they were raised. The custom is to simply show respect. One can also say: "Yes, Mr. Baker" as well.  
•  Saying "Miss Kathy" or "Mr. Jim" to a stranger, for example on a customer service call, shows respect. It is an old fashioned custom, and this nicety is still practiced. 
• Do not chew gum like a cow in public and do not ever smack your lips.
• Do not touch your head, especially at meals or Afternoon Tea. Do not blow your nose at the table. Do not pick your teeth in public.
• If you need to excuse yourself from the table, say: "Please excuse me." No explanation needed. DO NOT say: "I have to go to the bathroom" as this sounds like the "act of." Yuck. 
• Do not show distaste for food. If you do not like a certain dish, when receiving it, say: "Thank you" and pass it along to the next person at the table.
• Always bring a Hostess gift. Never show up at any event, party or house empty handed. Southerners do not like empty things, plates or containers. 
• Southerners love sitting on the porch. All the time. Winter and Summer. All day and all evening. Some men I know, grew up sleeping on the "sleeping porch" with their Brothers (screened in porch, with a space heater in the Winter) as the girls get to sleep upstairs with the window air conditioner. Many homes in the South still do not have central air conditioning, as it is an expense that is just not a priority. Education, Charity work, and the Debutante "Season" are priorities. 
• Southerners sit on the porch, preferably with "Sweet Tea," Lemonade or a cocktail after Five o'clock, but it's always Five o'clock somewhere in the South. Relax! It's the South. It's hot. It's ONE cocktail, if you are of age. If you are not "of age" you may wait (and wait & practice your patience, as patience IS a virtue) for the cherry from your Daddy's Manhattan cocktail, or a strawberry from your Mother's champagne, but you must patiently and quietly wait. Its good for you to practice waiting. If you are of age, and break protocol and get drunk, you have to sleep in the horse trailer with the other bad boys, unless you are a girl, in which case, you'll have to deal with the wrath of your Mother. 
• Ladies NEVER get drunk in public or get drunk in private, because, as Rhett Butler said: "if you drink in private, eventually everyone finds out." This shows self pity, desperation or despondency in a self serving way, and tacky behavior such as this from a Lady is just not proper. Seek treatment instead.
• Southerners speak softly, deliberately and slowly, and finish their sentences. So, simply listen slower.
• At school, do not bully other children. Again, it shows selfish interests, and is not polite. Southerners are always polite and never say bad things about other people because it would embarrass the other person, therefore, embarrasses you, yourself! Southerners are leaders, and leaders always make others feel special. 

Basically and interestingly enough,  old Southern manners are very similar to old European manners. (refer to this column if need be). 

One does not have to come from or have money to have manners. 

Good manners will take you everywhere. Enjoy! 

The Most Important Manner in South Korean Society is "Saving Face."

With the most homogeneous population in the world and just a bit larger than Indiana with a population of about 70 Million, "Saving Face" in South Korea is the most important manner of the social mores. South Korean society is modern and chic, yet quiet and traditional, with beautiful old European manners. Here are a few travel tips:

• Never embarrass a South Korean. "Saving face" is paramount in their society. So much so that even with a question about directions, if they are not sure, they will give a wrong answer or any answer they think you want to hear, rather than answering "I don't know" or answering "no" to a request, as this would be classified as "losing face." Also, answering "yes" may not mean 'yes.' It may mean "I understand" or "I hear you." Again, "Saving face" is of the utmost most importance in South Korean society.
• Never confuse a South Korean with a Chinese or a Japanese person. Very insulting to South Koreans. Best to ask: "Where are you from?"   
• South Korea is a Republic with a National Assembly and the President having a 5 year term.
• GDP is about $12,000 USD per capita. 
• South Koreans are known for their very hard work ethic, respect for the elderly and family duty. 
• Education is highly valued. The English language is taught in most High Schools.
• Do not use "slang" language, do not curse and do not joke. Jokes do not translate well into other languages.
• Natural Resources are coal, lead and hydro power. 
• Known for textiles, clothing, shoes, accessories.
• Religion is about 30% Christian, 15% Buddhist. Confucianism is widely practiced regardless of religious affiliation. 
• Hot, humid Summers, cold dry Winters. Pack clothes to layer.
• Dress is casual chic. Ladies wear skirts or dresses. DO NOT go sleeveless. Never go barefoot. DO NOT wear slacks. Gentlemen wear dark suits and white/light blue button down shirts. 
• Bargaining in all stores is done, except when the sign says: "One Price." 
• The sole of the shoe is considered an insult. When sitting, cross your legs at the ankles. Do not show the sole of your shoe & do not swing your leg or cross your legs at the knee. Simply try to keep your feet on the ground. 
• Do NOT talk about politics. 
• Do not criticize anyone, or your travel friends, even in jest, in public. This act is damaging to one's "Face." Instead, talk about Korean 5000 year old accomplishments.
• Keep your Hotel card with name and address with you at all times and your prescription drug information with you always. 
• Laughter can mean embarrassment. Women cover their mouths when smiling. 
• Do not stare at someone. Mother's use staring as punishment when their children are bad. 
• Speak quietly always. Do not laugh loudly or yell. South Koreans are a very reserved society. 
• Do not flail your arms around and do not use hand gestures. Some hand gestures, like pointing your finger, or raising a finger for a waiter, are considered to be obscene. Raise your entire hand to summon a waiter.
• Don't touch anyone. Sometimes you will see 2 friends who are girls holding hands. This is common and acceptable. 
• Do not walk down the street while eating in public, and walk down the left side of the sidewalk or stairs.
• Do not chew gum in public. Do not blow your nose in public.
• South Koreans enjoy their meals. Be punctual for any meal. 12 courses meals are common and all served at the same time. If not a 12 course meal, soup is served first, then appetizers, rolled meat & vegetables in pancakes, then the main course, and dessert. Coffee is served with cream & sugar. 
• The elderly and children are served first. The Host sets the pace. Do not touch anything until your Host begins. Pour liquids for others and they will do the same for you. 
• It is common to fill another person's glass, then your glass. 
• Never show distaste for any food. Don't place your spoon on the table (cleanliness issue).
• Leave some liquid in your glass, or food on your plate if you do not want a refill.
• You may be seated next to strangers in any restaurant. Don't worry, you are not expected to talk to them.
• To get the attention of a waiter, raise your entire hand, and say: "Yobo Seyo." 
• Always allow your Host to seat you. The place of honor is a seat facing the entrance because the entrance, or door, is where all the power is located in any room.
• A traditional Toast is: "Gonbae." ('Gone-bay')
• After dinner, women and men socialize in separate rooms.
• You may be given a hot or cold towel to wash your hands before a meal.
• Never drink out of a bowl. Never pick up food with your hands.
• The Father is the most important person in the family and the most revered. Men go through doors first before women. 
• Koreans do not talk much during meals. Pass dishes with the right hand, and you may support your arm with your left hand.
• Koreans do not form lines. They lightly push and shove in crowds. Be politely aggressive or you will never get anywhere.
• As reserved as the Korean society is, it is surprising, but Koreans do ask personal questions. This shows an honest interest in your life.
• Remove your sunglasses when speaking to or meeting someone. 
• If you have blond or red hair, expect people to stare at you and touch your hair.
• Declining a compliment shows humility, so don't say "Thank You." 

Magic Words:

• YES = Ye or Ne
• NO = Anio ('Ah-nee-yo')
• THANK YOU = Kamsa Hamnida
• PLEASE = Chebal
• HOW ARE YOU = Annoying Hasimnika 
• GOODBYE = Annyonghi Kasipsiyo

Traveling is the best thing we can do for ourselves. It broadens our perspectives on life, human nature, and civilization. Relaxing resets the soul. Vacating one's life, if only just for a little while, does wonders for one's stress.

But traveling can be exhausting, frustrating, and potentially dangerous. Don't rush. Do not over schedule yourself. Take your time. Hard to do it all. Always take care to pay attention to where you are, your surroundings, people around you, and where you are going next. 

Enjoy your vacation. Enjoy local foods and culture. Remember to relax and enjoy.