4 Easy Steps For Writing A "Thank-you" Note

   Procrastinating writing the dreaded "Thank-you" note? Writing your note is not hard if you break your task up into 4 easy steps.
   In general, all "Thank-you" notes should be hand written within 24 hours. "Thank you" e-mail notes are slowly becoming more acceptable among close friends and family. However, older generations still enjoy receiving their "Thank-you" notes by snail mail. A "Thank-you" note should be written even if you receive a gift in person and verbally thank the gift giver. All "Thank-you" notes should be age appropriate and on age appropriate stationery. Check your sentence structure, grammar and spelling. A heartfelt "Thank you" should always be intrinsic within the body of your note. The words "Thank you" need not be on the outside of the note. Please do not ever begin your "Thank-you" note with "Thank you for the..." unless you are 6 years old. Parents may also, of course, help their children write "Thank-you" notes as this practice is fantastic training for a mannerly and eloquent life later on as an adult.

4 steps towards a completed "Thank-you" Note:

1. "Dear ________,"
2. "We had such a nice time seeing you last night in your lovely home (thank the host for their hospitality and including you)" or "Just loving my (insert gift)." (Describe how you have used, displayed or worn your gift).
3. Now you may write: "Thank you for including us"..."Thank you for thinking of us..." or "Thank you for the..." 
4. "Fondly", "Sincerely" or "Love" (sign your name)

   Remember, the best "Thank-you" notes come from the heart. You are done! See, wasn't that easy?!

Do You Possess Diplomatic Skills?

The Sabot School of Etiquette touches on one of the definitions of a Diplomat which is:
"Doing nothing and saying nothing nicely." - Unknown

Diplomacy is a bit more difficult to define. The following is a list of quotes describing diplomacy:

• "Diplomacy is thinking twice before saying nothing." - Unknown
• "Diplomacy is the art of letting someone have your way." - Daniele Vare
• "There are people who can do all fine and heroic things but one: keep from telling their          happiness to the unhappy." - Mark Twain
• "Be polite: write diplomatically; even in a declaration of war one observes the rules of politeness." - Otto von Bismarck

   Diplomats have been around since the Greek and Roman Empires. When we speak of diplomats, we are usually talking about international diplomats and international diplomacy.
   To be a diplomat, one must possess many different charismatic manners, leadership skills and more specific skills including: tact, listening, sensitivity, positive body language, and politeness. One must also pause and reflect. One must listen and be able to arbitrate a mutually acceptable solution to the problem at hand, accept the result, and move on to solve the next challenge. One must remain non-confrontational, yet quietly strong and competent.
   One must also have a sense of humor, but humor is tricky. Humor does not always translate well, especially internationally. Self-deprecating humor is usually the best type of humor to show because you risk offending no one but yourself!
   Also, sometimes not talking or not answering is just as important as talking and answering. What is unspoken and unwritten is sometimes just as important as what is spoken and written.
   Whether one is negotiating an international treaty or negotiating nap time with your Mother, calm, steady, polite demeanor combined with a peace of heart wins out in the long run every time.

Bon chance!

Great Leaders, Example and Lip Service

   All effective leaders should strive to lead by example through not only their words but their behavior. The unintended consequences of a leader's behavior does subjectively rain down upon those who listen. When leaders say one thing and do another, it is not only dishonest but disheartening.
   Yes, leaders make mistakes. No one is perfect. Things do not always work out all the time, every day, all day long, but, the general intent of a leader should be clear and honorable.
   There are many types and levels of leaders within our communities and families. A father, an older sister, a Captain of Industry, a Minister of faith, the Lifeguard at the Community Pool, a mother, the privileged, the owner of a small local business such as the dressmaker or dry cleaner, an office manager. What is your level of leadership? What type of example do you set as a leader? How do you inspire others to strive to be better? How do you motivate yourself to be better?
   Especially in today's maximum paced, multi-media, multi-technology, multi-cultural society, the multi-effects of any number of actions or speech from a leader has many multi-effects on the listeners and participants. In other words, ask 20 people in a room what they heard and saw, and you will get 20 different answers. Again, the general intent of the leader should be clear.
   Eleanor Roosevelt famously said: "We teach other people how to treat us." And we really do.
   Being a leader is hard. Leaders set an unspoken tone through their actions. Leaders have to be able to communicate and state your case, then listen to all those who oppose your case. There will also be those persons who did not understand your case, or were not fully listening and only heard parts of your case, or only heard what they wanted to hear, or took offense to your case. Leaders should try to patiently explain their case. They also should strive to unite and include through their words and actions. If your words do not match up with your actions, your words are eventually heard as empty, lip service.
   Leaders should strive to inspire people. Leaders should be positive, kind, charitable, and forgiving. We should all treat others as we wish to be treated. There is always room to say; "I'm sorry." There is always a chance to say: "I have failed." It is through failure that leaders learn, adjust and succeed.

What Makes A Good Leader?

   Here at The Sabot School of Etiquette, we touch on leadership and include a few tips in our written materials we send home with each student. We famously say: "Leaders always make others feel special." What makes a good leader? What makes a great leader? Let's start with the basics.

• Leaders always make others feel special. Leaders make the other person feel as though they have been heard. Leaders make the other person feel like the only person in the room.
• Leaders lead by example. If you as a leader do one thing and say another, your followers are listening to lip service. Lip service leads to mistrust.  
• Leaders know ignorance is no excuse. As children, we make excuses because we are learning and our parents give us a childhood of chances so we may learn year by year to make good decisions for ourselves. As adults, we cannot say we did not know. As adults, it is our responsibility to know.
• Learning to be a leader, if you do not fail a few times, you are not trying hard enough. You may not be making competent, correct decisions for yourself. Failing is good for us because failing forces us to reevaluate our positions and decisions, and move on. 
• Leaders do not blame other people. Blaming other people for your position in life is ignorant and gets you no where. We all make 1000 different decisions every day about how we are going to live our own lives. So, whatever your issue is, it's not your fault. OK, then what? What are you going to DO about it? How are you going to overcome your non-idyllic circumstance? What is your plan to raise yourself out of your circumstance and move forward in your life?  
• Leaders are always positive. If you try never to say anything negative, no one can say you said something negative. Think about it. Let's face it, who wants to be around someone who is negative and condescending all the time? Don't we all, rather, want to be around someone who is positive? 

   Leading is very hard. It is most challenging. Leading is difficult on a daily basis. Every day, you must wake up ready to make your 1000 decisions and make your case to accomplish your tasks, listen and hear, compromise and compliment, take criticism and kindly give constructive criticisms. It has been said if you ask 20 people in a room what they think, you will get 20 different answers. Taking those 20 different answers and making a plan forward requires diligence, diplomacy and discipline.
   We all look to our leaders to be better than we are. We may at times look to our leaders for guidance. We may see some of our leaders we can best relate to as role models. Who are your role models?   

The R.s.v.p., the "and Guest", Family Behaviour, & Wedding Crashing

   In light of the recent alleged Kennedy wedding crashing by Taylor Swift with her boyfriend Conor Kennedy, I thought it would be a good time to discuss the R.s.v.p.
   Allegedly, Conor Kennedy did not R.s.v.p. to his cousin, Victoria Gifford Kennedy, the Mother-of-the-Bride, when invited to a family wedding. Instead, he texted his cousin 1 hour before the wedding ceremony was to begin asking her if he could attend AND bring his famous girlfriend. She responded with a text clearly stating "Please do not come." The real question here is: Why did Conor not R.s.v.p. to the family wedding, and did Conor's invitation say "and Guest" or not.
  Even within families, believe it or not, there are rules of behavior that should be adhered to, or one ends up the inconsiderate, "bomb throwing" relative no one wants to deal with but has to invite out of respect for the family.   
   Clearly, Conor Kennedy, raised in high society and 18 years of age, is old enough to know better than to pull this stunt. He showed zero respect for his family who were nice enough to respect him and invite him to the family wedding. Conor should have known that for a sit down dinner, seating charts are worked out many weeks in advance.  Tables are set by the wedding planner the night before the event. As well, now days, there is a modern "Reply Card" and stamped envelope one needs only to tick off and drop in the mail by a certain "R.s.v.p. By" date.
  Apparently, when The-Mother-of-the-Bride asked Conor not to attend, he chose to completely ignore her and came to the wedding with his famous girlfriend, Taylor Swift. According to Mrs. Kennedy, after the couple arrived, she greeted them, and as politely as she could, asked them to please leave, twice. Allegedly, Miss Swift walked right past her as if she was not present.
  To be fair, Miss Swift may or may not have known she was not invited. However, she should have known her fame would cause an unwanted disruption at a wedding and may potentially take attention away from the Bride. Possibly a bit of a "bomb thrower" herself, she should not have accompanied her boyfriend last minute to this family wedding.  
   Y'all remember the R.s.v.p. Respondez-vous S'il Vous Plait. Or, please respond. Please do respond as soon as you receive the written snail mailed invitation or the e-vite/e-mail on your computer.
   Do not wait for your computer program to send you reminders that you have not responded. Do not wait for the Mother-of-the-Bride to call up your lazy, sorry, unorganized self and ask if you are coming to the wedding, or not.
   As a Registered Bridal Consultant, I can tell you there are two types of wedding customers. Those who immediately send in their R.s.v.p., then come in to purchase their wedding gifts as soon as they received the invitation (67%), and those pain in the rear, bomb throwing customers who, on the way to the wedding, silmoutaneously R.s.v.p and fly in the door in a panic to purchase a last minute gift for the Bride (33%). Then, these chaotic nincompoops have the gaul to complain that everything on the Bridal Registry is all ready filled. Really? Ya think? All I can say is some people love  and thrive on chaos, and if they do not have chaos present in their lives, they create chaos for themselves so they may wallow in it and in their minds, continue to thrive.
   Listen up. Weddings are very expensive and require lots of time consuming work from many family members, especially from the Mother-of-the-Bride. The family goes through many months of planning and tons of trouble to give their guests a memorable, meaningful ceremony and a delicious and entertaining Wedding Sit Down Dinner or Wedding Reception.
   Get your head out of your own egg shell of a world and get your act together. Prioritize your social schedule and social life and send in your R.s.v.p. A.S.A.P.!!   

Girl Power for the Summer



Girls Just Want To Have Fun!

From my book: "Forget-MeN-ot, Forget-Me-Never, Remember The Fun We Had Together"

Happy July 4th to all:))

10 Questions To Ask So As To Avoid 20 Years of 20 Questions

Whether it be a job interview or a first date, how do you really get to know someone? The following are 10 questions many psychologists recommend as the best for getting to know someone:

1. Who in your family are you the closest to?
2. What is your biggest fear?
3. What is your best natural, God given talent?
4. What quality do you most value in a life partner?
5. What is the biggest regret in your life so far?
6. What is your favorite mode of relaxation?
7. What is your earliest memory?
8. When did you last feel truly happy?
9. What do you feel about you, if anything, is shocking?
10. If you could have one "do over," in your life what would it be?

If you, yourself, do not know the answers to some of these questions, ask a family member or a very good friend to tell you. Sometimes we need our friends and family to tell us about ourselves...our natural talents and what we need to improve upon.

Enjoy!