Napkin Etiquette - Going To A Labor Day BBQ Over The Holiday?

Ever been to a BBQ or Crab Picking at the beach or river where the paper napkins are all covered in butter and sauce and all balled up in a big mess? Then to add insult to injury, gross out icky napkins all balled up placed on the picnic tables while the rest of us are still eating. Yuck!

Yes, BBQ and Crab Pickings are messy, but do you have to be a gooey mess too? No. It takes a bit of labor, but try to treat your paper napkin like a cloth napkin. Use a few napkins and fold them like a cloth napkin. Do not ball them up then place them on top of your paper plate or on top of the table while others are still eating.

If you have made a mess, clean it up, pick it up, then get up from the table and throw away your napkins and plate. You might even ask if anyone wants another iced tea! Return to the table to finish your tea and chat! The persons whom are still eating will appreciate your effort and will enjoy their meal more.

Merci beaucoup! Enjoy the Labor Day Holiday!

20 Years of 20 Questins: Top 10 Dating Tips For Gals

Perusing the SATC2 Website the other day, psychologist and author Pamela Diane King has posted excerpts from her e-book:"10 Dating Lessons From SATC" (the series) and they are as follows:

1. Stalking is not sexy.


2. Technology is not your friend.


3. Throw away your "Perfect Man" list.


4. Drama does not equal passion.


5. Taking a "break" is "guy code" for a break up.


6. Know when to let go.


7. Love can be an addiction.


8. Taking a vacation is the best break up remedy.


9. Love is a roller coaster.


10. The most important relationship you have is with yourself.

After 20 years of 20 questions myself, I thought I would reply to her top ten and post my version:

1. If you are "stalking" someone else, whether in cyberspace or in person, you need to step back, acknowledge your own OCD behavior and move on. Join a gym, a choir at church, take a night class or any other activity to get out more. If someone else is stalking you or sleeping on your doorstep, you need to call the cops and form a working relationship with a police detective.


2. A beau may forgive you for what you have said but you can NEVER unwrite what has been written. Paper letters can be kept and may be shown around, but any negative comment or breaking up with a beau on the Internet sites like Facebook or an E-mail is seen by all and can be sent to everyone instantly, including future employers. Public writing is absolutely powerful and can corrupt absolutely and forever more.


3. The word 'Perfect" is unattainable, unrealistic in every sense and should be stricken from the dictionary. The boundaries and behaviors of love include acceptance, forgiveness and what is a 'deal breaker' in your book.


4. Drama, drama, drama. Drama should be left up on center stage. Some people are addicted to drama and chaos. Manic behavior and chaos are their best friend. They don't know how to live without it and if they do not have it in their lives constantly, they will create it for themselves (and you). This dramatic behavior is also called manic/depressive or bi-polar disorder. All I can say is: RUN. Don't look back. Don't have any regrets, ever. You are much better getting OFF this particular roller coaster.


5. If your beau ever asks you for a "break" from your relationship, you "man up" and break up with him right then and there. What a wuss. Plenty of guys out there. Date a MAN.


6. Know what your "deal breakers" are and stick to them to protect yourself. Sometimes guys behave badly so you will break up with them so they do not have to break up with you. Pay attention to these behaviors. Know when enough is enough.


7. Being in love should not be an addiction. The novelty and newness of falling in love can be an addiction. For example: Elizabeth Taylor, Zsa Zsa Gabor, Mickey Rooney.


8. Vacations are great but not by yourself or when you are feeling blue. Put half of your vacation money in a savings account for yourself, grieve, then when feeling better, treat yourself to a nice lunch somewhere lovely, go shopping and spend half the money on a classic, beautiful accessory you will keep for the rest of your life. For example: a designer purse or scarf, a leather wallet, a well fitting quality leather skirt, pants, boots or belt. A mink scarf or hat. A pair of pearl earrings. Breaking up is a bit like a death. Be kind to yourself every day and treat yourself to little things like a long bath or walk or good book or movie, for a while until you feel better.


9. Dating is a roller coaster. Love should not be a roller coaster. Love is hard work, kindness, forgiveness, patience and compromise.


10. The most important relationship you will ever have IS with yourself. If you do not like yourself and hide from yourself, you will not be happy and no one else will be happy with you either. Why should they be?

Be good to yourself, know your own top 10 tips and enjoy dating!

How Many Habitual Electronic Friends Do You Have and How Much Stress Is In Your Home?

How many TVs, computers, I-Pods, I-Pads, X-Boxes, Guitar Heros, Guitar Bands, DVD players, CD players, Stereos, Radios and Weather Radios do you have in your home? How many of each are on simultaneously and all the time?

How many times per week, on average, does your family eat at the table? Any table. Dining room table, Kitchen table, Coffee table or TV trays in the Family room?

Here's how to take the stress out of your home and simplify your family life quickly. Turn all the previously mentioned gadgets OFF. Sit at the table and all eat dinner. Each person take an uninterrupted turn at talking about the favorite moment of your day. It does not really matter what y'all talk about, as long as it is relatively positive and y'all are all together.

After dinner, everyone go on a walk outside. If it is raining or freezing outside, go into a different room and all eat dessert together. If y'all do not eat sweets, have some decaffeinated coffee, fruit and cheese.

After dessert, meet in the den or living room and play cards, a game, or do a puzzle together and pick one person to read aloud from a book to everyone. Any book, but preferably one of the classics that is fitting and age appropriate. Charles Dickens, Emily Dickinson, Keats, Shakespeare, Art, Art History, any History, any Biography.

Reading is freeing. Reading tells us that others have similar or the same daily struggles no matter how hard or particular our own struggles may seem.

Getting fed up with life sometimes and our own common struggles is easy. Turning OFF our electronic companions may be hard especially when they are always on and there are so many of these habitual "friends" around.

So, TURN ALL ELECTRONICS OFF and be with yourself or your family quietly and be rid of the electronic distractions and stress!

Eye Contact Etiquette Tips - Pause, Look and Listen

The eyes ...little mirrors to the soul...les yeux. Do you have problems with eye contact? Are you shy? Sometimes timid? What about traveling to foreign countries? What are their social and business customs regarding eye contact?

The following are a few tips to help you look others straight in the eyes when needed for introductions and business meetings:

• The next time you have an introduction, try looking at the spot right in between the other person's eyebrows.
• Americans believe clear, strong eye contact is important during conversation. Direct eye contact is a silent signal signifying attention and honesty. Averting eye contact or looking away during conversation implies dishonesty or lack of interest and it is considered to be distracting or rude to the person whom is speaking.
• The British do make eye contact but at an angle rather than directly.
• In many Latin countries direct eye contact is considered to be an aggressive gesture.
• In many Asian countries, children when bad, are punished by either parent staring at them for extended periods of time.
• In South Korea, making eye contact is important in business. It shows sincerity and forms a subtle, but significant bond between individuals.
• In Thailand, eye contact is used to facilitate a need. For example, to summon a waiter, all you must do is to catch their eye, and raise your eyebrows to get immediate service.
• Middle Easterners look long and deeply into each person's eyes to search their souls and determine from the dilation of the pupils the other person's interest.

So, for your next introduction, pause, look and listen!

International Handshaking Hints

Traveling on vacation a bit more this summer for the Labor Day holiday? Junior year in College abroad? Business meetings overseas? Take a minute to read a few tips on international handshaking:

• USA: Firm, solid grip with 2-3 strokes
• France: Light grip and 1 brisk stroke
• Germany: Firm grip and 1 stroke
• Latin Cultures: Light grip and linger 2x as long as USA handshake
• Middle East: Limp and lingering grip only. Never a stroke.
• Russia: Firm grip and 1 stroke
• Japan: Light grip, 3-4 gentle strokes
• Australia: Firm grip and 2 strokes

Travel safely and smart. Enjoy!

Key To The Place Setting Universe

The key to the place setting universe is:

Work Your Way From The Outside, In

Simple, really!

Life does not have to be complicated and you do not have to be intimidated!

Finger Bowl Follies, Foibles and Faux-Pas...Who Cares?

Old and high fashioned, out of date, too formal and fancy, stuffy Victorian accoutrement! When in the world would one ever see, much less use a finger bowl? Who cares? I'll tell you who cares: Those In The Know.

Yes. I have at my finger tips an entire plethora of finger biting, finger bowl faux-pas stories involving very well educated, very well paid professionals, and high society players .

One story involves one lawyer at his own Junior Partner dinner celebration. Beautifully educated at a private school, a prestigious university and a paramount law school, he drank his finger bowl in front of his peers and Senior Partners. Not wanting to embarrass him then, Those In The Know quietly drank their finger bowls as well. The perennial problem began Monday morning around the water cooler when this Junior Partner's reputation became company folklore, forever pegging him as "the dude who drank his finger bowl." Those in the Know thought to themselves: "If he missed the finger bowl etiquette, what else did he miss?" The story of this finger bowl faux-pas also permeated company walls and got around town. Needless to say, this lawyer has never made Senior Partner. Who cares? You should!

Maybe you will only see one finger bowl in your entire lifetime, at an important company dinner, or paramount social gathering, or on your Honeymoon. I guarantee, you will want to know how to recognize the finger bowl, its variations, and how to manipulate your finger bowl. You do not want to embarrass yourself at what will likely be a most important night in your professional or personal life.

Alright, so maybe you know enough not to drink it because it may have one half slice of lemon, lime or a sprig of a green garnish in it, and you know how to use it, but do you know enough about what to do with a doily or where to place your finger bowl when done, or what to do when the finger bowl is served on top of a dessert plate instead of its own stand? What if it is also served with a dessert fork and dessert spoon? What to do?

The following are a few tips to help avoid fumbling with your finger bowl:

When using your finger bowl, daintily dab the tips of your fingers, one hand at a time, into the warm water, then slowly place each hand in your napkin to dry.

Sometimes, finger bowls are served with their own "stands" (plate), which makes for easy manipulation.

• Lift the entire bowl and stand with BOTH hands and place it to the upper left of your plate when done.

Sometimes, finger bowls are served with a paper or lace & linen doily on top of the dessert plate.

Sometimes, the dessert fork and dessert spoon also are placed on top of the doily on top of the dessert plate.

• First, "place" your dessert fork and spoon onto your place setting in front of you at the table. The dessert fork is placed to the left and your dessert spoon to the right of your dessert plate.
• Second, use the finger bowl.
• Third, when done with the finger bowl, be sure to remove the doily AND bowl with BOTH hands and place it to the upper left of your dessert plate. This way, the waiter can place your dessert onto your dessert plate directly, and does not have to place your silverware for you, or move your doily out of the way.

Always use both hands when moving the finger bowl, no matter how small. Yes, I have many stories about spilled finger bowls all over the table after one has had one's hands in the water...yuck!

Yes, I also have a story about a wealthy male suitor during the 1950's at THE fancy lunch of the intended fiance's Victorian parents. The wealthy suitor certainly knew what a finger bowl was, but did not know to remove the lovely linen doily on top of his dessert plate. The butler stood at his side with dessert in hand in silence for a minute until the suitor finally figured out he needed to also remove his doily....then the thought of what to do with the lovely linen doily flashed through his head as the finger bowl has already been placed. Doily dilemma! The wealthy suitor finally placed the doily quickly in his lap, thanked the butler, tasted the chocolate dessert, then quickly complimented the host and hostess, his future In-Laws. They must have liked him very much. Doily disaster dashed! Phew!

Yes, who cares about the Victorians or the 1950's? Who cares about removing your doily or placing your dessert spoon yourself ? Who cares about the etiquette of finger bowls? Those In The Know care!