How to Take "Elevenses" Tea

So, most of us know the Queen and the British take Afternoon Tea at 4:00 p.m. Those that are aware of this tradition, are as well familiar with the delectable menu of delicious scones, clotted cream and yummy jams. However, have y'all heard of "Elevenses?"

As a student at St. Anne's College, Oxford, I experienced my first "Elevenses" on our first morning of class. After our 2 hour lecture and discussion, our Professor announced at 10:30 a.m., we were all to adjourn to the house next door. We were all ushered into an ivy covered, brick house with a charming great room. There within these old walls, was a simple setting of tea cups, tea pots and cozies, and what the Brits refer to as "crackers", or what Americans call cookies. Couches, coffee tables and conversation abound. Yea!

So, for the next half hour, students and faculty alike were sipping tea and munching, mulling around  and chatting about, having a wonderful time having Elevenses. What a nice way to get to know our professors personally. What an unofficial opportune opportunity as students to practice our conversational skills with adults. As well, what a great way for those students 'in the know' to show off a bit of 'where with all' about taking tea, such as, how to 'Play Mother' whilst holding a conversation, and after a few days, remembering how others take their tea!

So, here are a few simple tips on how to have "Elevenses:"

• If you volunteer to "Play Mother," know well how to pour a "cuppa." Pour the cup 3/4 full, leaving room for milk and room to avoid spillage. Then ask: "With sugar, milk, or lemon?"If "Plain" is responded, it is not necessary to place a teaspoon on the saucer.
• Add the sugar first, then add milk if milk is taken. Never use cream as it disguises the flavor of the tea.
• Add the sugar first, then the slice, not wedge, of lemon. No need to squeeze the lemon, as it will dissipate naturally, therefore no risk of squirting your neighbor in their eye with the acidic lemon!
• Unless, and even if you are 6 years old, please do not add lemon to tea with milk, as it will curdle the milk.
• When stirring the mixture, try not to clink and clank your teaspoon against the cup.  
• Place your teaspoon on the back of the saucer. 
• Place any food on a separate plate, not on your saucer.
• The word napkin, which is derived from the French word "naperon," means "little tablecloth." Please blot the corners of your mouth with your napkin, do not wipe your mouth.
• Remember, pinch the handle of your tea cup, and know that pinkies are passé!
• Always introduce yourself if no one introduces you. New friends to be met!
• When finished with your tea and crackers, place your used plates on a side table, never onto the serving table.

Enjoy your Elevenses and cheers!

Is High Tea Higher in Societal Rank than Afternoon Tea?

Every time the topic of having tea pops up, then comes the inevitable question:

 "Are you going to have High Tea?"

So, here we go. The unspoken, intimation of the question is as follows:

Is 'High Tea' higher in stature, formality and societal rank than Afternoon Tea? 

The sad answer, dear reader, is unfortunately a "No."

High Tea was originally served on high tables at 5:00 pm for the working classes, mostly the miners up from the mines, who had not eaten anything all day. High Tea is a heavy meal consisting of hot meats and savory fishes, with vegetables and breads.

Afternoon Tea, dating back to the 1800's, is the familiar, quintessential British tradition served mid-afternoon consisting of a light three step menu first of cucumber and salmon sandwiches, followed by scones with jam and clotted cream, then finally cakes, chocolates and sweets. Sometimes champagne is included!

Then comes the question about how to eat the scone. Keeping with the Christian tradition of "breaking bread," the scone (and for that matter all breads) should be "broken" not cut. Each bite of bread should then be further broken and individually buttered or in this case spread with the clotted cream, then the jam on top. This order assures one the jam will not spill out all over the place as the jam is thinner and more malleable than the clotted cream. Less of a mess.

Breaking off each bite of scone, then spreading each piece individually with clotted cream then jam is more laborious, but neater to eat than spreading the whole of the broken half of scone with clotted cream and jam, then trying to maneuver a lady-like bite out of the whole mountain-like huge pile of decorated scone. Again, less of a mess to maneuver and consume.

After you pour your tea into your china tea cup or mug, add the sugar first if you take sugar, then add your milk if you take milk. This way, the sugar will dissipate easier in the hotter liquid. Never use cream in your tea as it is too rich and disguises the flavor of the tea. Never add lemon to your tea if you have milk, as the lemon will curdle the milk. Honey is a nice alternative to sugar and milk.

Pinch the handles of your china tea cup. Never put your fingers through the handle as a finger may get stuck! Putting your pinkie finger out is also passé! No need. Try to not "clink" your teaspoon inside your teacup whilst stirring your tea and please place the teaspoon behind your teacup solidly on the saucer.

Take your time, and enjoy the experience of having your tea, whether Afternoon Tea or High Tea. Cheers!  





      

Modern Media Savvy Teenagers and Their Manners Today

Tired of telling your modern, sophisticated, multi-cultural, multi-media connected, multi-tasking teenagers to do the same things your Mother nagged you to do 40 years ago, like sit up straight and stop fidgeting, or clean your room?
Now, there are the new nags. Worn out warning your teenagers to put down their iPhones and stop texting, stop playing with their iPads and pay attention, or pull those iPod ear plugs out of their ears and listen?
Turns out, your teenagers are listening and paying attention :))

According to a Stage of Life.com study, teenagers are extremely optimistic about their life and optimistic about society and the world in general. Here are listed some of the statistics:

• 97% of teens learn their manners at home.
• 92% of teens say social media contributes to our now less civil society.
• 91% of teens say civility, manners (our behavior) and etiquette (the rules) are "important" in their lives.
• 87.6% of teens feel they have the power to make a difference in the world.
• 87% of teens say they personally practice civility, good manners and polished etiquette either "all" or "most" of the time.
• 80.6% of teens are optimistic or "hopeful" about the future year rather than "fearful."   
• 75% of teens think about the state of our world either "always" or "often."
• 62% of teens feel as though chivalry is still alive and well in society.

Since the Mall is a teenager's world, High School and College students say the following about uncivil behavior:

• 47% witness uncivil behavior from classmates.
• 27% witness uncivil behavior in public places (The Mall).
• 6% witness uncivil behavior at home. 

At the Mall, the behaviors that bother teens the most is:

• 38.9% of teens do not like seeing others being rude to service workers (waiters, cashiers, etc.).
• 18.9% of teens do not like to hear others cursing. 

A mannerly measure of Teenager's extracurricular behavior:

• 70% of teens learn positive behaviors at their place of Worship.
• 65% of teens see bad behavior in school.
• 61.5% of teens see bad behavior through friends.
• 43% of teens said Clubs and Sports had a positive influence on their behavior.

Teenagers in general said family lifestyle during their upbringing was the single greatest influence in their lives, and had the single greatest impact on their behavior. 

Teenagers really do want and appreciate discipline, and the majority of my students enjoy learning new life skills giving them confidence for what is an increasingly smaller and more competitive world.

*Statistics are from the Stage of Life website regarding High School and College students and  "Teenage" Stage of Life. See: www.stageoflife.com.

Candle Wax on Your Candlesticks? Here's a Removal Trick To Try.

Had a dinner party for your Book Club lately? Or maybe, you are still cleaning up from the Holidays.

Here's a quick tip for removing candle wax from your sterling silver or silver plate candlesticks.

 Place the candlesticks in the freezer for 30 minutes to an hour. Not too long. Once cold, scrape off the wax WITH YOUR FINGER NAILS WRAPPED IN A SOFT CLOTH. 

NEVER scrape silver candlesticks, or any other silver items with a knife or sharp object.

Voila! Enjoy!

Hiked Up In Your Big Girl Heels, Learn How To Avoid Falling, Stumbling, or Tripping At The Oscars, or The Prom.

Last Sunday night, the talented, 23 year old Oscar winning actress, Jennifer Lawrence, stumbled getting out of her limo, then tripped on the Red Carpet at The Oscars, yet again! Last year, she fell walking up the stairs accepting her Academy Award, in front of all her peers... and 3/4 of a Billion people. Oh my!

Thankfully each time, Miss Lawrence simply laughed it off and kept on going which was exactly what she should have done. However, what should she do before her next formal event when she has to show up in more strikingly high stiletto shoes?

Jennifer Lawrence is adorable. Her fashion sense is impeccable. She is statuesque and holds herself so well. Head held high, her back is straight and her shoulders are square, but clearly, she cannot walk in high heels. Maybe she has not had much experience walking hiked up in the big girl shoes, and gorgeous Couture gowns. What to do? Practice, practice, practice.

So, take a few minimum tips from this 52 year old who has been on a Red Carpet, although it was 30 years ago, for work, and no one took my picture.

Before any event, wearing your dress and shoes, practice walking up and down your hall and turning. Practice walking up and down your stairs and turning to wave. Practice sitting down in a low, soft chair and getting up.

Also, simply sit down on your hard, tall Dining Room chair with your dress to make sure your neckline and any side slits, leg slits, or cut outs, are appropriately placed. Did you realize a leg slit 3" above your knee, when sitting, will inch way up your thigh? Just be sure to beware.

Be sure, as well, to have on the appropriate undergarments. Get professional help from a Personal Shopper or a Lingerie Department Manager. Nothing worse than pantie lines and pieces of body parts  showing that need not show.

Have a friend take a photo of you from the front and back to see how the fabric photographs, how your outfit in general looks, and that from all views, you are seamless and flawless! You will feel better and more confident.

Put on any jewelry too, as sometimes bracelets catch and ruin certain fabrics, and necklaces and drop earrings can catch on your hair or neckline.

Practice getting in and out of a car. Scoot to the end of the seat and with knees together, pivot. Put both feet on the ground, and slowly stand, minding your neckline as you bend your head down, NOT your body, to avoid hitting the rim of the car door.

Practice, practice and practice, and you too, whether it be for the Oscars, or merely the Prom, may be on a Red Carpet one day!

The Bread and Butter Letter of Downton

During the finale of Downton Abbey last week, Lord Grantham mentioned he had received a "Bread and Butter Letter" from a guest from a past house party. Sounds charming, doesn't it? In his tone, Lord Grantham intimated this letter, an expected social formality, was boringly obligatory, like bread with dinner, but would have been missed if it had not been on the table. What is a "Bread and Butter Letter" and where did this expression come from?

To begin, the "Bread and Butter Letter" is simply a simple, and commonly written, thank you note for hospitality. It is written to the Host and Hostess to thank them for a special dinner, evening or weekend at their home. Maybe you attended one of those those famous Edwardian country "Weekend Shooting Parties" we've seen on Downton Abbey!

The humble "Bread and Butter Letter" like any other Thank-You note, is always hand written within 24 hours, or as my Grand Mother would say: "Before you go to bed." The note is immediately put in the mail. Snail mail, not E-mail. E-mail is not acceptable. Not even an E-mail saying a proper paper B&B note is on the way.

Don't forget to spread on your buttery bread letter, how delicious the food tasted, how lovely the view from the back lawn looked, and any other special details you participated in, such as a card game, a service or a celebration. Be sure to include how you were honored to be included, and how much you value the friendship and kind generosity of your hosts.  

This basic social formality is also referenced in the 1926 British book: "Lady Troubridge's Book of Etiquette."

In closing, remember to break your bread over your Bread and Butter Plate in order to avoid crumbs all over the table, then butter your bread one piece at a time. Eat and enjoy!

The Book: Visible City, is a Sparkling Stained-glass Jewel of a Story

Tova Mervis, author of "Visible City" fluidly vacillates like a kaleidoscope between her myriad of characters, painting their true life portraits, and masterfully piecing together their pasts, present fears, needs, and future hopes, like an opalescent John LaFarge stained-glass window. With the change of daylight, the characters morph from the red hot glow of the Noon sun to the cool blue hue of the full moon.

Unfulfilled Nina leers out her Living Room window looking at other people's lives.

Jeremy works late at a job he hates, but in the evenings, scavenges the underground "Ghost Subways" for lost treasures.

Leon, a lonely psychiatrist, longingly gazes at Nina in a coffee shop, as her children run around yelling and screaming despite a sign asking: "Children of All Ages Are Reminded to Use Their Inside Voices."

Claudia spends her time researching John LaFarge stained-bless windows, yet screams out her own window at the construction workers below.

Emma, Claudia's daughter, fears she will end up like her Mother.

Perfect Wendy, whose mother was a screamer, is scared she cannot control her children, and is scared they will discover her secret unhappiness as a 'Stay-at-home-Mom.'

Like an antique stained-glass window, Tova Mervis shows us what happens when marriages gather dust; careers show cracks and fissures, and what transpires when we want to use our outside voices. We can't always be stuck inside the metal constraints of life. Sometimes we need to find out what makes our hearts glow.

This review is posted on line with Real Simple Magazine at: www.realsimple.com/work-life/entertainment/best-books-2014-00100000117742/page7.html