Sally Belle's Kitchen, a Richmond Tradition, and Why Your Mother Told You To Dress Up When Running Errands

Remember your Mother telling you to always dress up when leaving the house, even if only going to the grocery store? Well, I ran into Sally Belle's Kitchen to grab a boxed lunch, and poof, I'm on the video and voice over. So, one never knows!

SFA Blog: Boxed Lunch: A Portrait of Sally Bell's Kitchen in...: We're just back from Richmond, Virginia, where we celebrated Women at Work in RVA for our annual Summer Symposium . It was an incredib...

What Writing Prefabricated Thank-You Notes and Re-Gifting Gifts Have in Common

Just like re-gifting gifts, prefabricated Thank-You notes are never quite right. At best, the note may be written with a fine pen on fine monogrammed stationery, look and sound perfectly well and appropriate, but the note comes across after reading it as missing a certain something. When handled well with attention paid to all details, the sentiment still may fall short somehow. When not handled well, remembering all details, a prefabricated Thank-You Note is a dead give away. Here is an example:

   Dear Mary and John,
     We are so appreciative that you were able to join us as we celebrated the first day as man and wife. Having family and friends there with us, allowed us to begin our lives together surrounded by generous and caring people. Your thoughtful gift will allow us to display our first moments and remind us of memories as we grow old together.
                                      All the Best,
                                                        Love,
                                                              Jack and Jill

Sounds nice. Thoughtful. Sweet. Heart felt. Lovely. My aftertaste after absorbing the note: A bit gooey, I mean, who expresses sentiment like this to someone they have met once? I had an English Professor in college who said: "Why use a .95 cent word when a .5 cent word will do?" The high flying deep sentiment of this note was the first clue which gave it away as a fake. Here are a few of the other dead give away problems with this note:

1. We did NOT attend the wedding.
2. My husband knew of the bride, from a distance, and long ago from her childhood as the niece of his business partner, but had met the groom only once. I had met both the bride and groom only once.
3. We are at least 1-2 generations older than this couple (myself 23 years older, my husband 36 years older).
4. The wedding gift was not specifically mentioned.
5. A use for the wedding gift was not specifically mentioned

So, after reading this note twice, and still agape, I immediately and sadly concluded this note was a prefabricated Thank-You note. We had put thought into giving quite a nice, large sterling silver picture frame to a business partner's niece and not that the money matters, and not that we needed to be thanked, but we had taken time to pick out a classic gift for a young bride to display her wedding photo in, something the couple whom we did not know their taste at all, would have for the balance of their lives, and she had not taken 5 minutes to honestly acknowledge our effort or thank us from her heart.
   She also apparently did not remember that we had not attend her wedding.
   As well, we sent the gift immediately after receiving the invitation, a full 6 weeks before the wedding. Yes, brides do have 6 months after their weddings to complete their Thank-You Notes, but not remembering if someone was at your wedding is a big consequential pit-fall as a result of waiting 3 months to acknowledge the gift. This example is why one should write notes immediately upon receiving gifts to avoid confusion and embarrassment.

Just a little wedding stat for y'all to ponder:

•  67% of guests invited to a wedding send their gifts immediately. The other 33% wait until the last minute, and most end up taking the gift to the wedding reception.  

So, the moral of the story is: Do not ever re-gift, and do not ever write prefabricated Thank-You Notes, because even if done well with no discernible mistakes, it is never quite right, and you will end up found out, but never told so.

Book Review of "Someone" by Alice McDermott is Like A Black & White Movie For Old Souls

Here is my original 250 word Book Review of the lovely, quiet novel "Someone" by Alice McDermott, her seventh novel, heavenly and quaint:

Do we want to be someone from somewhere, rather than nobody from nowhere, or, do we simply want to be someone significant to someone else special to us? What if our first love is, in private, cruel? How do we know about someone else's private life behind the bedroom door, the kitchen door, or beyond the iron gate in the alley, and knowing, can we accept their secret and move on?

Someone Alice McDermott's seventh novel, is like a black and white movie for old souls. Her charmingly quiet story begins back when children were paid a penny to promise to say their prayers and women cleaned their windows with vinegar and newspaper. The author gives us intimate glimpses into her characters' souls through their unspoken eye contact with each other, and the smell of their breath next to each other.

Marie knows her mind and is aware of her flawed looks. Her awkwardness explains why she chooses her first love, her first job and remains inside her beloved Brooklyn neighborhood. Marie's strict Irish Catholic mother, controls every daily facet of family existence inside their tiny apartment. Marie's kind, patient father shares an unspoken secret with Marie. Gabe, Marie's brother studies for the priesthood, but is his faith his someone?

So, treat yourself and a special someone to Someone, and enjoy an evening's leisurely read through the author's melodic prose, and contemplate your Someone.  


As a member of their reader's panel, this review was submitted to Real Simple Magazine in July, and is published on p. 38 of their September issue.  

Courtroom Tips: Clerks, Dockets, Facts, Defendants & Plaintiffs

   Most of us will never go to Court to serve a Warrant In Debt, Summons For Unlawful Detainer, or file a Writ of Possession. Most of us will go to Traffic Court for a traffic ticket. In Court, and in adult life, Ignorance is no excuse. Especially in Court.
   So, here are a few tips to impress the "Charlie Checkpoint" police, the office Clerks, the Court Officers and the Judge:

• No cell phones allowed in Court, because they take photos. Signs are posted everywhere in English and Spanish all over the outside and inside of the Courthouse, so leave your cell phone in your car, or "Charlie Checkpoint" will make you walk your phone back to your car. Bummer.
• When going through "Charlie Checkpoint" (similar to any airport) remove your bulky coat, watch, large jewelry, and all contents in your pockets. To make it simple, dress simply, leave your coat in the car if you can and empty out all the crap in your pockets before getting out of your car.  
• If you beep while stepping through the "Charlie Checkpoint" arch, stand with your arms out and "Charlie" will have to wave you over with "the wand." Stand still, be patient and know you are almost done with this process and will be fine.
• Head on over to the Dockets. These are typed up, alphabetical lists posted on the walls, usually directly next to the Courtrooms. Look for your name, and when you find it, go to the corresponding Courtroom, usually labeled A,B, C, or 1,2, 3. Some wall posts will even list what type of Court: Circuit, Traffic, General or Criminal. If you cannot find your name listed, or are in a terrible hurry, the Clerk in the office will look your case up for you. 
• Once inside your correct Courtroom, walk up the isle and sit as close as you can to "The Bar." Only Lawyers can sit in front of "The Bar" because they have passed "The Bar" exam. Many times, the Officer of the Court will ask everyone to move up and sit as close in as they can, so you may as well do so right from the start.
• Cases with Lawyers will be called first. Then, all other cases will be called in NO specific order whatsoever. Again, an opportunity to listen and learn. 
• If you are in court defending yourself against a case brought against you, you are the DEFENDANT. If you are prosecuting, or bringing a case against someone else, you are the PLAINTIFF. 
• Some Courtrooms have signs posted on one side or another below "The Bench" the ledge below where the Judge sits. Some Courtrooms have the Judge's name posted. Some Courtrooms do not post the Judge's name. Some Courtrooms even have instructions posted such as: "Do not lean on The Bench" "Please leave bags and keys on the table before approaching The Bench," "Please stand up straight."  Read and pay attention, please.
• Take off your hat, take off your sunglasses, spit out your gum. NO reading, NO talking, NO whispering, NO needlepoint, NO sleeping. Court is an opportunity to listen and pay attention. You may be surprised at what you hear, and you may learn something.
• Make an effort to show up in Court looking presentable, professional, and serious, please. As Barbara Walters once said: "Clean hair beats a new dress any day." It does not cost any money to wash and dry your hair. It does not cost any money to clean and iron your clothes. Tuck your shirt in and wear a belt. Pull your pants up. Wear a shirt with a collar. Wear a shirt that does not show your Bra straps. Try looking like you are going to church, not cleaning out your garage. The Judge will be impressed you made an effort to look nice in her/his Courtroom, and you will feel better about yourself.
• Some Courtrooms are kept cold, so you may want to wear or bring a light cardigan sweater or jacket.
• Leave your crying babies, talking toddlers, screaming children, and ailing elderly family members at home. Bringing the family "Peanut Gallery" to Court with you will not help your case. Unless you are a "character witness" in a trial, there is no need to come to Court. We all have family. We all have children. We all have our own family circumstances. Make arrangements for any babysitting/care giving needs ahead of time. If you cannot afford a baby sitter or a care giver, make arrangements with a neighbor, church or community organization to swap out sitting/care giving jobs. Have a "Plan B" just in case. Organize this sitting ahead of time. Hearings and Trials are always scheduled at least 30 days out. You have plenty of time to organize.    
• Every Judge runs her or his courtroom his or her way. Some judges are formal and stick to the rules but have trouble making decisions. Some judges roll through their cases quickly and are persnickety about the paperwork being filled out perfectly. Some judges run their Courtrooms slower and are better listeners. Pause, look, listen and be aware.
• Do not speak unless spoken to. When the judge speaks to you, speak up, and speak clearly. Answer the Judge: "Yes, your Honor" or "Yes Sir" and "No Ma'am." The Judge will make sure everyone gets their turn to speak. The Judge may help you along with your paperwork filings, but cannot give you legal advice. 
• We have all heard the expression: "Just the facts, man." The Judge wants just the facts. Bring all your documents, contracts, cancelled checks, invoices, photos, maps, and receipts. Facts, facts, facts.    
•  Know if you are in a Hearing or a Trial. Read any papers mailed to you. If you do not understand the paperwork mailed to you, bring the papers to the Clerk in the office and ask them any questions you may have. The Clerk will help you through the paperwork process, but cannot give you legal advice. Do your "homework." Remember: Ignorance is no excuse.
• Be nice to the Clerks in the office. The Clerk can be your best friend. Fill out all your paperwork to the best of your ability. If you do not know how to fill out your paperwork, the Clerks in the office may be able to help you with filling out forms, but are not allowed to give you legal advice. You may need legal advice for other fillings and procedures. The Clerks in the office will let you know.

Make an effort to prepare yourself for Court. Dress respectfully, act respectfully, bring all your completed paperwork with you, stick to the facts, and know your Courtroom etiquette. You will feel better about yourself and have a better experience in Court. Good luck to you!

LTTE T&C Manners & Misdemeanors "Table Trouble" Article in the June/July Issue

Dear Editor,
   The classic, black and white movies exhibited a society with lovely table manners, a civil, self sacrificing society, full stop. A golden, gone by society when one never wanted to embarrass another person or make anyone else feel bad, ever.
   Fifteen years ago when I began my business, students came to me to fine tune their table manners. Now, students come to me to learn how to hold a fork. At least they know they don't know.
   We always say, one does not have to have money to have manners, especially now with a plethora of etiquette and manners blogs on the Internet, and books in any library available to those who want to be in the know.
   Eleanor Roosevelt famously said: "We teach others how to treat us." The golden key is, one must desire to be pleasant and make others feel special. The golden question is: How does a once golden society regain its civility once civility is going, going, gone?




 

 From my book: "Forget-Me-Not, Forget-Me-Never, Remember The Time We Had Together"

If pleasures path you wish to see,

Five things observe with care,

To whom you speak, of whom you speak,

And when, and how, and where.

Florence Gaynor
June 21, 1906

 

Soldiers & Sailors Monument

New York City, 1907

 

We Will Always Remember.

Happy Memorial Day and Enjoy!

Different is not Wrong, It's Merely Different

Yung-Cheng, Emperor of China in 1727 said:

"The people of the world are bigoted and unenlightened. Invariably, they regard what is like them as right and what is different from them as wrong, resulting in mutual recrimination. They do not realize that the types of humanity are not uniform and that their customs are also not one, that it is not only impossible to force people to become different but also impossible to force them to become alike."

In teaching etiquette classes we always say: It is neither right nor wrong, just different.
Remember these words when travelling on vacation this Summer and enjoy!