Sweet Briar College Community Always Remembers Daisy

Forget-Me-Not, Forget-Me-Never, Remember The Fun We Had Together

   Some say people who have passed, live on in our memories as long as we remember them. Although generations of Sweet Briar students did not know Daisy Williams, she surrounds us all, day and night. Her spirit is all around our campus. A lovely young soul that is not forgotten, but remembered.
   Early on Freshman year, we are told the tales, stories, myths and mysteries of Daisy's ghost. On Founders' Day every Fall, there is an annual pilgrimage, all the way up to Boxwood Hill where at the pinnacle sits Daisy's Grave. Not just any simple headstone, oh no. At first sight, this 20 foot tall granite monument complete with Corinthian columns all around and decorative plaques adorning it, topped with a statue of "Faith" pointing to Heaven, is a bit awesome to behold. But wait, "Faith" has a finger missing. What's up with that? Was it Daisy?  Then and there, on Boxwood Hill, as a Freshman, you start hearing the stories.
   Allegedly in the 1970's, a group of girls visited Daisy's monument to search for an unmarked grave which has since been removed. The legend is, if you place a quarter on top of the headstone, when you return, there on the ground will be scrawled, the name of the person next to die. Apparently, one girl was so upset by this legend, she immediately ran back to her room in Grammer Dorm, as fast as she could, and locked herself inside. Her friends tried to get her to open up, knocking and banging on her door, but there was no answer. Finally, they crawled through the old transom. They found her alive, but with scratches all over her face!
   Typically on the weekends, there is always one group of girls who take a trip up to Daisy's grave to scare each other. One such trip consisting of a few friends and I, produced a very eerie strip of film. In the bottom right corner of one of the photographs taken was a faint, fuzzy gray image of a person. Was this human-like photographic presence Daisy? Maybe.
   Following each Freshman's Founders' Day, begin the tours of Daisy's bedroom in the Sweet Briar House. Stepping up the windy, narrow stairs, we peek around the corner to see where, as we are told, Daisy died. Scared to look too closely, scared to be in her room for too long, and afraid we may see something unknown, or that she may see and remember us as intruders, our glances are distant and quick. Therein lies Daisy's little twin bed, her dress and dolls, her child's chair and her Hope Chest. Here comes the glitch. If the stairs creak when you step on them, on the way up or down from her room, Daisy herself will pay you a visit. So, rationally speaking, if you dream of Daisy that night, are you dreaming of her, or is she visiting you in your dreams?
   From then on, it never fails. Every time a book falls off of a shelf, each time you hear a noise in the night, every time something weird happens, it is Daisy. She's not forgotten. She is remembered. She's around.
   One of my classmates still freaks out at the mere mention of Daisy's name. She will simultaneously burst into a spell of shrill shrieks, small screams, shivers and immediately shakes her head, quickens her pace and walks on!
   Daisy follows us into the dining hall, along the green grass of the Dell and down to the "Dungeon", (a study hall in Reid Dorm basement). She also follows us as we walk down the stairs of the 100 year old library into the dark halls of the hallowed "Stacks."
   Whether it be frightening Freshman or scaring each other silly, Sweet Briar students will continue to remember their founder with fondness, and a bit of fear.  
  

Does a casual picnic outdoors cause your inside manners to go flying out the window?

   Over the July 4th Holiday, Prince William and Princess Catherine enjoyed a romantic picnic on a remote Canadian island dining on paper plates. Did picnicking outdoors cause William and Kate's indoor manners to go flying out the window? Did William and Kate use their Royal manners casually? Of course they did!
    How was your picnic over the July 4th holiday? Was your picnic a mass of balled up greasy gross paper napkins on top of crushed cups and bent paper plates? Did you find dirty plastic plates on your buffet table and Styrofoam cups strewn all over your yard?? Well, if the Royals can regally dine off of casual paper plates, so can you!

Here are a few tips to help you enjoy yourself and help your host and hostess enjoy themselves:

• Treat your paper napkin just like you would treat a cloth napkin. Fold your paper napkin neatly in your lap. 
• If you need more than one paper napkin, neatly stack a few together on your lap. FOLD them together when done.
• No one wants to eat their meal while looking at your gross out, grubby used ball of greasy mess of a paper napkin on top of your paper plate. Get up from the picnic table, find a trash can, dispose of your trash, then re-join your party.
•  Do not fold up your paper plate. Just dispose of it and your neatly folded paper napkin in the trash.
•  Do not crumple up your paper cup or tear off chunks of your Styrofoam cup like you are a seven year old. Simply place your cup in the trash.
•  Do not pluck off the tines of your plastic fork and play with it like a sharp tool. Rude and dangerous to point it at anyone.
•  Never place a used plate or used cup on the buffet table. Yuck. Find a trash can.
•  If you go back up to the buffet table for seconds, get a fresh plate. No Norovirus here, please!! 

Have fun this summer on your next picnic and use your Royal casual outdoor manners!

Kate and William enjoy romantic picnic on remote Canadian island

America's Table Manners Meltdown and Please, Pass the Salt

   Today, a wise friend made the comment: "Unfortunately, I am afraid to say, manners in America are becoming passe." Yes, in the last decade, there has been a noticeable change in manners in America. There has been a change in the lifestyle and priorities of the younger generation, thus a change in the manners and objectives of my students. Yes, some manners never change and are neglected. Other manners are passe. Certain other manners have evolved into a new generation as different. Not right, not wrong, just different.
   For example, ten years ago, parents sent their children to me to fine tune their 10 year olds' table manners. Today, I teach 17 year old Seniors in High School how to hold a fork. Why? Change in lifestyle. Now, there are kids' menus at many casual restaurants kids can eat with their fingers. Easier for the tired, working parents. Children also eat fast food in the car with their fingers on the way to 6:00 p.m. soccer practice, or Sunday afternoon lacrosse practice.
   Last year, I taught an extraordinarily talented teenager who had straight A grades, perfect scores on her SAT's, played in the US Open Tennis Championships with her Father, and had 600 hours of community service, but she did not know how to hold a fork. At least she knew that she did not know.
  Today, sophisticated teens know everything there is to know about technology and how to gather any information needed on each of their multiple social media gadgets, but due to their busy school schedules and both parents working, families rarely sit down at the table for dinner. Not right, not wrong, just different.    
   Competition is so stiff for these few full scholarships, colleges and universities now invite these students to lunch. They want well rounded students and figure if a young adult has missed simple table manners, what else have they missed. If a student is asked to pass the salt, and only passes the salt, this student does not get the scholarship. Why? The simple answer is simple to those in the know.
   This student did not correctly anticipate the next need of the other person, which would be also passing the pepper. The etiquette dictates that a self-directed, empathetic student, or business professional, always anticipates the next need of the other person , or customer, whether they know their own next need at that time or not.
   Never mind one slip of the tongue. One slip of the fork, or passing of only the salt and one does not get the scholarship. By the way, can you pass the butter?

Happy American Independence Day!

Happy July 4th to all Americans and remember those who made and make our freedom possible.

Prom and Reality News TV

   Priorities in this country lately seem to be upside down. Emphasis is being put on all the wrong material things in life. Yes, life celebrations are important and should be enjoyed, but the High School Prom, a dance, one night, should not be the do all, be all, end all.   
   Last week I was in line at the Food Lion and heard a young woman in front of me discussing her High School Prom She said: "What other reason is there to go to High School other than Prom?" I'm sorry, what about studying hard to get into college or trade school so one may learn a marketable skill?
   Last night, I watched a national evening news program focusing on a public High School graduating class attending the Prom. These were normal kids from New Jersey. These young adults were not preppy private school rich kids. The show focused not on their academic achievements, or where they were going to attend college, but a dance. One dance. One night.
   The show highlighted the girls' $6,000.00 designer sequined dresses picked out 9 months before the Prom. They reported that one girl drove to this dress shop 8 hours from Ohio to buy her Prom dress. Wow, it almost sounds like a wedding! The manicures and Manolo's. The pedicures, diets, workouts, makeup and $1,800.00 hair extensions. Pardon me? Did the news man just report on hair extensions for High School girls?
   The boys' tuxedos were then talked about, how they asked their date to the Prom, the wrist corsages they picked out for their dates, and the stretch limousines. The end result was a camera shot of all the girls and boys lined up in their finest sparkling frocks to board the luxury bus to all go to the Prom together after a "Before Party" at one girl's house.
   Oh no! Now the luxury bus is late. The Hostess (Mother of one of the girls) is on her cell phone crying and screaming obscenities at the poor person on the other end of the line about the late luxury bus. Screaming one obscenity after another. Really? Reality News TV, I guess.
   The reporter asked how much this Mother had spent on her daughters' Prom and before party and the total was something close to $10,000.00. The Mother said spending this extravagant amount of money for her daughter for one night, one dance, was worth every penny. These High School Seniors all looked like they were going to the Oscars. Red Carpet ready, I guess.
   The reporter asked one girl why this Prom night was such a big deal to her. She replied: "Prom is everything I have grown up watching and wanting on TV and in the movies. I just want to feel like one of those movie stars for one night." Movie stars? What happened with simply being happy to have a date and have a nice time?
   Once, I was on a Red Carpet with a Haute Couture designer dress. None of the paparazzi took my picture and the experience did not improve my life professionally, financially or socially. Being on the Red Carpet did not make me more popular or feel more loved. Life is so much more simple. Are Americans so comfortable financially and comfortable in our extra large, nice homes with all our stuff, we have become bored with simple? Americans are having a Mildred Pierce moment.

Happy Memorial Day !

Soldiers & Sailors Monument, New York City 1907

Remember, all of our fallen US hero's helped secure our freedoms we enjoy today and forever.

The 3 "B's" of Toasting and International Signals

Here we go again. Another American politician makes another International faux-pas while visiting a foreign country. President George Bush, then First Lady Michelle Obama touch the Queen. Tim Kaine makes the "thumbs up" gesture during the Queen's 2007 visit to Virginia, (in Europe  Latin America and The Middle East, hand gestures are obscene)! Yesterday, President Obama makes many mistakes during his toast to the Queen. The poor Queen. She does not say anything, but she did shoot him a look when he toasted her during the national anthem.

   The casual, relaxed and affable President Obama just never took the quick etiquette class on the logistics of giving a toast. He said at the end of his speech, as he was also laying down his note cards: "Ladies and Gentleman, please stand with me and raise your glasses as I propose a toast...to Her Majesty The Queen."

   These words are THE International signal for: "I am finishing up my toast," just like marrying the knife and fork together in the 10:20 position on one's plate is the International signal for: "I am finished with my meal, remove my plate." The conductor thought President Obama was finishing up his toast, so the orchestra started up the British national anthem. Then surprisingly, a few seconds later, President Obama started talking again and continued giving his toast. Everyone else in the room was standing at attention in silence for their National Anthem. Finally, President Obama raised his glass to The Queen and for the second time looked as though he was winding up his toast. The Queen, in the middle of this confusion, shot him a glance reminiscent of a look my Mother used to give me at the dinner table or at a party when my manners were lacking and she did not want to, or could not say anything.

  The President should have paused, stood silently until the anthem was done, then raised his glass and finished his toast.

   Then, after all that, President Obama did not drink from his glass as everyone else did (save the Queen). The whole scene was painful to watch. 

   Yet again, the stereo-typical "Ugly American" and our poor manners. Why? One does not have to have money to have manners. Why do we not teach a manners course in school to 3rd graders, then again, to rising Juniors? Why do Harvard and Yale apparently not have an etiquette afternoon seminar? Do they think little rules of etiquette only apply to little people? 

Tricky etiquette, especially Internationally...really? Toasting is easy, really. All you need to read are a few basic rules as follows:

 

1. The 3 "B's" of toasting are always: Begin, Be Brief and Be Seated.
2. A welcome toast (before eating) and a toast to the guest of honor (dessert course) is always given by the host. The host leads the
    way, always toasts first, and sets the tone.
3. One always stands up to give a toast.
4. Never drink to yourself if the toast is in your honor.
5. The International signal for finishing a toast are these words: "Let us raise our glasses with a toast to... "So-in-So."

So, you see, little rules of etiquette DO apply to little people and Big people at Harvard, Yale and The Queen. She knows all the little rules of etiquette !