LTTE WSJ "Dearly Departed Salutation" Article 1-6-2011 and The Shooting in Arizona

Dear Sirs and Madams:
The dropping of the traditional salutation "Dear" is one small symptom of the greater, growing gargantuan problem of a loss of civility as a society in our prosperous country. We are loosing our grip on civil behavior, civil dress, civil discussions and debate, civil listening skills and civil writing skills.
As an etiquette and manners teacher for the past decade with another decade in the retail bridal business, I have noticed a slow but steady relaxation of formality, and decline of civility in our society.
Teenagers up for college scholarships come to me to learn how to correctly manipulate their knife and fork. Families no longer eat together nightly at the dining room table or the kitchen table as each family member is on their own computer with dinner on their desks. Television producers pit 24 hour news anchors and talk show hosts against their guests, everyone interrupting each other and yelling over each other during debate for the purpose of the ratings dollar. Kids are being rushed in spacious SUV's to school soccer games on Sundays while texting shorthand on their own cell phones. Children are also being driven through the drive through for a kids meal which they eat with their fingers while they play with their computer games.
The "Golden Rule" in civilized societies continues to be: "He who has the most gold rules." As compared with the rest of the world, we have much "gold" in our lives in this wealthy, civilized country yet we are loosing our attention spans, loosing our pants to the ground, loosing our rhetoric and written commentary, loosing our family time to computers and TV, and lastly, our little charming, civil salutations to political correctness and the tremendous, stressed pace of the newest, latest and greatest technology, and for what reason?

p.s. As I am writing this letter, a Congresswoman and 18 other American citizens have been shot in Arizona....Now, we are loosing not only our civilities, but our souls...How as a nation shall we ever regain our dignity and civility?

12 Helpful Tips Towards A Happier Life

From my book: Forget-Me-Not, Forget-Me-Never, Remember The Fun We Had Together

To Carrie: Never be flat, Never be sharp, And always be natural.

Your friend, Elsie Verick

December 29, 1905

The other day, I happened across a Blog about someones 52 biggest mistakes in life. The mistakes were mostly professional in nature. Interesting, but rambling and often repetitious. So, the following are 12 helpful, hopefully wise little tips towards a happier you for a new year!

1. What defines us is how we rise after falling.
2. If you do not fail at least three times in life, you are not trying hard enough.
3. All we can do is the best we can do every day. If you did not do so well today, go to bed and tomorrow will be another chance to do better for yourself. Accept or forgive yourself and move on!
4. Your job is not who you are, your job is what you do.
5. Do not let your salary define you.
6. If you are miserable in your current job, leave it, but be sure to have another job to go to and 6 months of expenses in a savings account. Nothing worse than dreading every day of the week or letting your boss beat on you every day. Life is too short and a job is just that, a job.
7. Some people are addicted to chaos and if they do not have chaos in their own lives, they will create chaos for themselves and those around them. These chaos lovers cannot function without chaos, and the chance to "fix" everything and feel needed or worthy. Just recognize who these people are, even if they are family members, and keep them at arms length, unless you enjoy chaos too.
8. Never make an important decision on emotion. Sleep on it. Listen to those little voices in your head. Try to think of the long term consequences of your decision.
9. If you never say anything negative, no one will be able to truthfully say you said something negative. Try to always think about what you say, and how, when and where you say things. p.s. - Sass will bite you in the a** every time!
10. Give angry people 3 minutes of your time, then remove yourself from the situation. If they are on the phone, put them on hold for 1 minute or say you must call them back and set a later time. If they are in person, find a reason to exit the conversation, or silently, physically remove yourself from the conversation by moving to the other side of the room. Allowing the person to vent for 3 minutes only, gives them enough time to vent and gives you an opportunity to hear what it is they have to say. No one ever for any reason needs to listen to more than three minutes of anger. Anything more than three minutes is an abusive tirade. Protect yourself and enough already!
11. We all have at least one, natural, God given talent. If you do not now what your talent is, ask a friend to tell you. For example: perfect pitch, perfect rhythm memory, perfect visual memory, math abilities, patience, kindness, listening skills, natural athlete, artistic abilities, great friend, giving person.
12. Pause, look and listen for life's little delights and miracles. They are instantaneous, small and silent. Birds on a fence, frost on the grass, flowers in a field, someone opening a door for you, a kind smile or 'Hello', a delicious dinner. Notice these small delights and take pleasure in these kindnesses from others and tiny miracles.

The only person you can control is yourself. Change is part of life. Take a breath and enjoy your day!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to All

From my book: Forget-Me-Not, Forget-Me-Never, Remember The Fun We Had Together

To Dear Carrie,
I wish you health,
I wish you wealth,
I wish you a golden store.
I wish you Heaven after death,
...but can I wish you more.
Your Schoolmate,
Rose Ashner

For...get...me...not...in each corner of the original page.
Photo from New York City's Central Park, 1912

Have a Happy Christmas and Healthy New Year to all 5 of my followers! Thank you for reading and my goal this year is to post more columns for y'all to enjoy!

52 Buttons of Wisdom To Keep Warm For The Holidays

Recently, I stumbled across a list of 52 mistakes. Well, I have certainly made 52 mistakes daily in my life and started my own list. However, my list morphed into buttons of hopeful and helpful tips. Buttons of wisdom, in no particular order. Button up to keep warm for the Winter!

1. What defines us is how well we rise after falling.
2. If you do not fail at least three times in life, you are not trying hard enough to succeed.
3. You can only do the best you can do every day, so stop trying to be what you consider to be "perfect."
4. The "P" word (Perfect) should be removed from the dictionary and our thinking. Perfect = Pressure.
5. Your job is what you do, not who you are.
6. Do not let your salary define you.
7. We all have a purpose in life. Some small, some large. Find yours.
8. We all have God given talents. Know yours. If you do not know, have a friend tell you what your talents are. Always remember your God given talents. They may benefit you in life, as they are especially yours and naturally easy for you specifically.
9. Change is part of life. Accept change and move onto the next challenging change.
10. Forgive yourself daily, or weekly or whenever you need to.
11. Some people are addicted to chaos and if they do not have it in their lives, they create it for themselves and those around them. Keep these people at arms length, even if they are family members. Chaos is not good for the soul, your health or well being. Chaos complicates your life and adds to your stress.
12. Give angry people in person and on the phone 3 minutes to vent, then remove yourself from the situation. This way, you have politely listened, therefore, are done with your obligation.
13. Sometimes saying nothing is saying something.
14. If a friend or family member criticizes you in public, do not reply. Just let their negative comment hang out there in the air and resonate with everyone else in the room.
15. Usually, the first person who speaks, looses.
16. Sass will bite you in the a** every time. Best to keep the sassy comment to yourself.
17. Miracles are small, instantaneous, silent. They happen in the blink of an eye, a New York second. 3 black crows squawking on a fence, the thought of a loved one popping into your head, a dragon fly at dusk. Relish the little things in life that bring us joy. Remember the tiny things.
18. If you had a rough day, did not do so well or behave well, have one glass of wine and go to bed. Get a good night of sleep and you will feel better tomorrow rested and relaxed.
19. By the time you write down a list, you can just do it!
20. Know that you can ALWAYS go back to school and learn a new skill. Having a marketable skill will protect you financially during tough times or periods of change. Whether your skill be for your primary job, a second job or hobby around the house, skilled workers are always in demand.
21. Clean hair beats a new dress any day.
22. Rely on your good brain always.
23. It is no longer 1952. You do not need to have the same job for 40 years.
24. Your first job does not have to be your last job. Never let anyone else make you feel bad about changing jobs.
25. Most people get fired from one job or another at one time or another for one reason or another. Do not let it get you down. The job just was not right for you. Learn from your experiences. Take an easy part time job until you find a full time job better suited for you.
26. Always having 6 months rent in the bank will be reassuring to you in times of crisis, change or loss.
27. Save 10% of everything you earn and are given. Put it in a savings account and tell NO ONE. You will be glad for your savings one day.
28. Throw your change in a jar or a drawer. Clean it out once or twice a year and spend your saved change on something nice for yourself and/or your family. Go out to dinner or on a weekend vacation or nice cultural day trip. Or use it for fun money on vacation.
29. Save up some cash by stashing small bills ($1, $5, $10) in purses, shoe boxes, under rugs, inside books,in pockets. Then you will have some cash when you need it for a surprise or an emergency.
30. If you are blue, volunteer!
31. Clean out your closet once a year and donate clothing and shoes you have not worn in 5 years.
32. Success breeds critics and enemies. Some silent, some outright. Chalk it up to envy and forget it.
33. Do not complain about your situation. Change your situation.
34. After the age of 25, no one wants to hear about all your problems. Everyone has their own problems and responsibilities by now. Find a productive or creative way to vent. Get a pet, therapist, minister or friend.
35. As a Host or Hostess for the holidays, you do have duties. Very easy to make a casserole and say "Casserole's in the oven, help yourself. Have a bowl of fruit in the fridge. Have a coffee cake on top of the fridge. Everyone can help themselves.
36. Have extra blankets, extra pillows and little fans in the linen closet. "White noise" from a fan is great and helps guests in a strange house sleep.
37. Have little night lights in your halls and bathrooms. Guests need to get to the restroom at night without falling down the stairs.
38. Have bananas, apples, oranges and pears in a bowl. Healthy snacks and everyone can help themselves.
39. Put an extension plug here and there so everyone can plug in their cell phones, game boys, i-pods, lap top computers, etc.
40. Put age appropriate books and movies in each guest room, or next to the couch, so your guests have something to do to relax at night.
41. Get coffee ready the night before and show early birds how to push the button. We have 2 coffee makers set up for early and late risers.
42. Try to always make the other person feel special. As a Host or Hostess, appease and please.
43. Remember what your Mother told you: Do do not discuss politics or religion in public.
44. To alleviate stress on you as Hostess, set your Thanksgiving/Christmas table the week before everyone arrives. Clean the silver, iron the napkins, set out the salt& pepper, serving pieces and serving bowls and platters. You will be glad you did!
45. If you clean your silver with silver polish after you wash it, and store it in a dark, dry, cool cabinet, it will keep until the next time you use it.
46. If someone insults you in public, even a family member in a room full of family, say nothing. Let the negative comment hang out there in the air. Hanging insults make the person who said it look bad and sound ugly. Too bad for them.
47. Give yourself 10 minutes per day on Facebook to answer messages, browse, then get off.
48. Give yourself, or your kids 1/2 hour per day to play on their i-pod, i-pad, i-phone, computer game, game boy, etc., then read for 1/2 hour.
49. Reading (anything and everything) helps us all realize that we are not alone in this world. We realize other people share the same problems: struggle, abuse, money issues, self-confidence, belonging, etc.
50. Sometimes it is best to pause, look and listen.
51. Treat yourself to something nice every day: One small bite of candy, one chapter in a good book, a 10 minute walk, a short phone call or e-mail to a friend, a hot bath. Take care to take care of yourself.
52. You can only control your own behavior. Stop trying to control others' behavior.

Button up and stay warm!

Happy Thanksgiving To All

From my book: "Forget-Me-Not, Forget-Me-Never, Remember The Fun We Had Together."

To Dear Carie:
I wish you health,
I wish you wealth,
I wish you a golden store,
I wish you heaven after death,
... That I can wish you more.
Your schoolmate
Rosa Ashner

A belated Happy Thanksgiving. Hope everyone had some family and/or friends around to celebrate with and some time off from work. We have lots to be thankful for and life is good!

Re-gifting - Please, Just Say No !!

Who wants to receive a gift someone else does not want? Re-gifting is a relatively new talked about trend with twenty and thirty-somethings. It must have grown out of our Reality Show and Red Carpet culture of excess and greed of late. Re-gifting is dishonest, lazy, heartless and the gift never seems to be quite right, n'est-ce pas? Yet, everyone is re-gifting and talking about doing it!
Recipients are smart, sophisticated and can smell subterfuge. If ever found out, and the truth always comes out, re-gifting can ruin a friendship and familial ties, not to mention your bosses opinion of you.
Worn boxes and old tape. A calling card hidden in the old tissue paper from the last time the unwanted gift was recycled. A numbered tag left on a wedding present from the last organizational bridal gift kit. A custom made, hand needle pointed purse left on a closet door re-gifted from a different cousin with the well known dog's name and dog's likeness in the design of the purse discovered by the original gift giver during a random house tour. The horror stories go on and on, and are stories of woe from intelligent, professional people who think they can beat the system and somehow fool all of the people all of the time.
Gifts, by tradition, are NOT obligatory. They are by nature given freely from the heart in good conscience without expecting anything in return. Giving someone else a gift you do not want with a big smile on your face signifies to those in the know, or those who will find out, that you do not care enough about the recipient to put any time or thought (never mind money) into a present for them.
Gift giving should be from the heart, so have a heart! If you are short on cash money, make a hand made card and bake something yummy to signify your care and love.
Celebrate what is actually important in life: friends and family. Give your unwanted gifts to charity and the truly needy.

Re-gifting...just say NO !!

Lemons, Dishwashers and Pitting

Did you know:

1. One does not have to squeeze the lemon when one orders iced tea or any other drink that has either a lemon or lime on the rim of the glass. Just plunk the citrus into your beverage and it will dissipate and disperse into the liquid. No squeezing or citrus in your eye!
2. Lemon detergent is for pots and pans only. Lemon is acidic and will, over time, eat the glaze off of your china and crystal, especially fine china and crystal with a gold rim.
3. Washing sterling silver flatware in the dishwasher is fine as long as you do not mix it with stainless flatware or stainless pots and pans. It is a metallurgy thing. Silver and stainless as metals do not like each other and the stainless will pit out your sterling.
4. Mixing sterling with stainless will force the base metal to come through the sterling. Then, you will be stuck rubbing the sterling with jewelers rouge to get rid of all those little black spots on your sterling called pitting.
5. To get any pit out of sterling, drop lighter fluid onto the rouge and wipe the rouge stick with a soft cloth. Then rubbing always in the same direction, rub the cloth onto the sterling. Never rub in circles. With much elbow grease, the pit will eventually disappear.
6. NEVER use jewelers rouge on silver plate. It will remove the plate. Sterling is usually 92.5 parts silver, while silver plate has only 10 microns of silver on top of the base metal. Antique silver has a heavy base metal of usually copper or nickel. New silver plate now has a light base metal of tin.
7. Shocking fact: Yes! You may wash your antique china and antique crystal in the dishwasher. The following are a few rules you must follow for fine china and every day kitchen china, fine crystal and everyday glassware:

• Never use lemon detergent on anything other than your pots and pans. Use plain detergent only. It is hard to find in the supermarket, but look for it!
• Use only 1 teaspoon of the granular, plain detergent. Do not use those detergent tabs, they are contain a separate chemical "Jet dry" substance and are inconsistent and uneven.
• Never use the heat cycle. It is too hot and the heat is bad for your porous china and will weaken it over time. It also will actually melt any gold rims.
• Always use the "Air Dry" cycle.
• Always use the "Gentle" cycle.
• Load and unload your china and crystal evenly and nicely. Space is the place. Do no jam or overload your dishwasher. If you have to run more than a few loads, do so. Items often shift in cycle. Avoid breakage.

Be kind to your fine china, crystal and silverware and it will last a few lifetimes!