True Prep Book Review - "n/a" Not Applicable

To be a "True Prep" or not to be... this is neither the question nor the answer. As a matter of fact, Prep is "n/a", no longer applicable. Society is a smaller place as we have grown into an international world, not a "New Old World." This hardback novel is just not as novel as the first trade paperback.

Of course, original preps still have a few L.L. Bean pieces in their wardrobes, the pearls, whale cords in the closet and the "Wellies," but since the first book 25 years ago, good fashion has evolved into haute couture designers at a deep discount with new stores like H&M and Target carrying this classic fashion. Faux and discounted Armani, Chanel, Heremes and Louis Vuitton are all now available on the Internet.

Dotted with buttons of wisdom by Edith Wharton throughout the book, Lisa Birnbach gave the impression she just wants to be THE "Etiquette Lady." She also gave the impression in her video that only preppies know their etiquette, thus, are the only group of persons with manners. To my students, I always say "One does not have to have money to have manners."

Regarding the vantage point for her information collected for this book, it took Ms. Birnbach until page 72 to mention the South. She spoke cleaverly about FFV's (First Families of Virginia) and King James I, but then she proclaimed Middleburg, Virginia, as the mecca of the Southern "gay horsie crowd." Pardon me? She thinks Middleburg is the South? Also, because it is a different world, 25 years later, in trying to be all inclusive and all politically correct, Lisa Birnbach comes across as all proliferating stereotypes.

Ms. Birnbach did mention Hamden-Sydney College as "The Preppiest college in the United States." Her travel tip section and frugal "Do's and Don'ts" were funny, as were the few tried and true photos with maps and descriptions of why, what and how things are in the preppie world. Nice to know sometimes, some things never change. However, the catalogue of her "Prep Pantheon," was something out of 1952 and the people were 99 percent North Easterners.

In 2010, the "True Prep" lifestyle of the private boarding school, Junior year of High School in Switzerland, college with the Junior year abroad, then a societal debut at the exclusive country club no longer posesses the same 'Tra la la' allure it once posessed. "True Prep" neither guarantees happiness in life nor success in the real world.

Silver Spoons, Champagne and Patina

Born with a sterling silver spoon in your mouth? Have any sterling silver spoons in your sideboard from your wedding or inherited from your grandmother? The following are tips to help you maintain your sterling silver and other uses for spoons!

• Placing a sterling silver spoon in your mouth while chopping an onion will alleviate the stinging and tears from your eyes.
• Placing any spoon (sterling or stainless) into a cold open champagne bottle will keep the bubbles from evaporating, and keeps your champagne fresh!
• Sterling silver ONLY (never silver plate) cleaned with jewelers' rouge and lighter fluid resists tarnish and finger-marks longer than any other method. Be sure to lightly rub the cloth in the same linear direction. Never rub in circles. Do not EVER clean silver plate using this method as it will remove the silver plate.
• Silver wrapped in linen, then in newspaper kept in a clean, dry, cool cabinet will keep well.
• Salt will quickly tarnish silver. For salt stains, rub sterling silver with damp salt.
• Lemon and seafood will also quickly tarnish silver.
• One may wash sterling silver in the dishwasher if a few rules are obeyed. Only use plain detergent and only use one teaspoon of detergent. Never use lemon detergent with sterling silver as the acid from the lemon will tarnish and may pit out the sterling silver. Do not place antique sterling silver knives made before about 1880 in the dishwasher as they may have plaster inside the sterling handles, thus may explode in the dishwasher. Always test one knife first before washing all other knives just in case!
• Lemon detergent is bad for china and crystal as well. It removes the clear glaze over time. Lemon detergent is great for pots and pans only!
• Do not place sterling silver in the same dish cycle with stainless. The two metals do not like each other and you risk pitting out the sterling silver.
• Use the dishwasher's "Gentle" cycle and "Air Dry" cycle only. NEVER use the "Heat" cycle. It is too hot and is bad for your sterling flat silver, fine china and crystal too.
• A little olive oil rubbed over silver before it is put away will prevent it from becoming tarnished. When ready for use, wash it warm soapy water and dry thoroughly.
• Use your sterling every day, wash it in the dishwasher and you will only have to clean it about once a year!
• Tarnished silver can be quickly cleaned with a cloth sprinkled with bicarbonate of soda.
• Purists (like myself) adore sterling with its Patina giving it a luster found only with age. Buffing off the Patina will not only remove its Patina but will remove valuable microns of silver.

Enjoy your old sterling silver...like new!

The Tintinnabulation of Telling The Truth

Can't you just hear the sound of your Mother's voice ringing in your ears to: "Tell the truth." As a child and young person, this practice is preferable as you are under your parents' care and roof.

As a young person, you may see your Mother smile and hear her say hello and continue polite small talk with a woman at the supermarket you know she dislikes. Your Mother tells you this is OK as she does not want to hurt this woman's feelings or have this woman realize she is not liked. You also notice your Uncle Chester says he feels fine when you know he has been sick lately. Your Mother tells you this is OK too as Uncle Chester does not want anyone to know he has been feeling poorly.

Then, you grow up. So, then what? OK, lets recap: Tell the truth but never make anyone else feel bad, embarrass them or let them know your true feelings if it will hurt their feelings. Wait a minute, what about the truth? What happened to telling the truth? Truly, what is the truth?

To help you decipher the truth here are some famous and not so famous quotes:

• "If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything." - Mark Twain
• You never find yourself until you face the truth." - Pearl Bailey
• Unthinking respect for authority is the greatest enemy of truth." - Albert Einstein
• The truth is rarely pure and never simple." - Oscar Wilde
• "The truth shall make you free." - Jesus, The Bible, John 8:32
• "Love truth, and pardon error." - Voltaire
• "I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not." - Kurt Cobain
• "To thine own self be true." - Shakespeare
• "Half of a comment spoken in jest is thought to be a truth by the speaker." - unknown
• "Telling the truth does not make it the right answer."- Katherine Barrett Baker

So, be true to yourself without making anyone else feel bad. It is the greatest balancing act ever and forever on end. If you can accomplish this feat every day, you will probably become a diplomat. What is the definition of a diplomat? One of the definitions of a diplomat is: "Doing nothing and saying nothing nicely." Ruugh Roough...here we go again!

Remember, Friends & Family Are Forever

In Remembrance of September 11, 2001. Never Forget, friends and family are forever.

11 Life Rules For Teenagers (And Some Adults)

Last night I read: "11 rules your kids did not and will not learn in school" from a speech by Bill Gates. I liked it so much, I am going to incorporate it into our curriculum and thought I'd reproduce it here as follows:

1. Life is not fair - get used to it.
2. The world doesn't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.
3. You will not make $60,000 a year right out of High School. You won't be a Vice-President with a car phone until you earn both.
4. If you think your teacher is tough, wait until you get a boss.
5. Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity.
6. If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.
7. Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parents generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.
8. Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.
9. Life is not divided into semesters . You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.
10. Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.
11. Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

The following are our updated interpretation of the "11 Life Rules" from The Sabot School of Etiquette:

1. Life is not fair. Acknowledge this fact, and move on.
2. The professional working world does not care about your self-esteem. You will be expected to perform and produce at work every day regardless of your self-esteem or health.
3. Chances are you will not make $150,000.00 per year EVER with only a High School degree. Acquiring a marketable skill in today's professional working world is paramount before you will ever earn a vice-presidency, have three cell phones, or a designer car.
4. If you think your teacher is tough, just wait until you get a boss. The boss is not your friend and does not have your best interest at heart. The boss thinks you want his/her job. The boss can be jealous of you, especially if you are a competent and hard worker. The boss has all the power.
5. Flipping burgers or mucking out horse stalls is not beneath your dignity. Your Great-Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping and mucking: they called it opportunity and an honest day of work.
6. If you make mistakes, and make no mistake about it, you will make mistakes, DO NOT whine about it at work or to your friends or family. NO ONE out of school or over the age of about 21 wants to hear about all of your problems. They have their own problems. Learn from your mistakes. Try not to make the same mistakes twice. Change your behavior to change the outcome.
7. Before you came along, your parents were young, just like you are now. You may think they are boring and clueless, however, they have been responsible for your food, room & board, doctor bills, social activities, laundry AND they have been listening to your guff for more than a decade. So, before you worry about saving the planet from the wrath of generations before you, first try cleaning out your closet in your own room.
8. Your school may give every member of the sports team a trophy and give you a second and a third chance at passing an exam, but this practice has nothing to do with life outside of school. You may glide through school not paying much attention to anything and this is fine for school, but once out of school, there is no gliding through life. You cannot glide through paying the rent or mortgage, your job, your marriage, or raising children. In the real world, there are few second chances at anything (for example: first impressions, job interviews, first dates, deadlines, etc.).
9. Life is not school. You do not get summers off from life to go "find yourself." Do that on your own precious time off IF you get any time off. Better still to have found yourself while still in school.
10. Television and movies are NOT real life. There is no Red Carpet, (and even if you do end up on a Red Carpet, no one will take your picture).* In real life, people have to leave the coffee shop and go back to work.
11. Leaders always make others feel special. It ends up being a VERY small world. Be nice to everyone, and especially nerds. You may most likely end up working for one or married to one. Also, you can always tell where someone has been and where someone is going by how they treat the waiter, the taxi driver, their stock broker and their margin clerk, the clerk at the courthouse, the clerk at the retail store and the cashier at the fast food place. Just ask Martha Stewart. **

* While working for a designer in New York, I found myself exiting a limousine, and walking a red carpet in a Haute Couture designer dress, but it never occurred to me the carpet was a "Red Carpet" as my presence was work related. Years later, thinking about it, I remembered the carpet was indeed red, the photographers were waiting but no one took my picture.

** According to quite a few sources in New York, Martha Stewart was rude and mean to EVERYONE. So, when she allegedly broke the law, the powers at be and the underlings around her delighted themselves in making an example out of her. They told what she did, convicted her and sent her to jail.

Cayuga Lake Girls Celebrate The End Of Summer, 1905

From my book: "Forget-Me-Not, Forget-Me-Never, Remember The Fun We Had Together"

Since the year 1905,

There's been on Cayuga shores,

A jolly bunch of happy girls,

Who are able to use the oars,

The object is to have some fun,

In the very best kind of way,

From early morn 'till setting sun,

They dance the livelong day !

Happy Labor Day!

Napkin Etiquette - Going To A Labor Day BBQ Over The Holiday?

Ever been to a BBQ or Crab Picking at the beach or river where the paper napkins are all covered in butter and sauce and all balled up in a big mess? Then to add insult to injury, gross out icky napkins all balled up placed on the picnic tables while the rest of us are still eating. Yuck!

Yes, BBQ and Crab Pickings are messy, but do you have to be a gooey mess too? No. It takes a bit of labor, but try to treat your paper napkin like a cloth napkin. Use a few napkins and fold them like a cloth napkin. Do not ball them up then place them on top of your paper plate or on top of the table while others are still eating.

If you have made a mess, clean it up, pick it up, then get up from the table and throw away your napkins and plate. You might even ask if anyone wants another iced tea! Return to the table to finish your tea and chat! The persons whom are still eating will appreciate your effort and will enjoy their meal more.

Merci beaucoup! Enjoy the Labor Day Holiday!