Unintended Consequences of Free Speech Without Also Teaching Tolerance

Unintended consequences from our behavior, whether it be well intended or not. Consequences with well meaning government programs. Consequences of War. Consequences on the Internet, Talk Radio and 24 hour Cable News, especially with, as I like to call it, "Talk TV."
The well intending producers of these 24 hour cable news shows want the "Talking Heads" fighting with their guests because it raises ratings. High ratings mean more money.
Remember The Jerry Springer Show from many years ago? His was the first TV show that raised its ratings because his guests were regularly paid extra by producers not to simply fight with words, but to take punches at each other with their fists.
Fighting with fists or fighting with words, well intended or not, this 24 hour bickering is seeping into our psyche and society, daily behaviors, and the little ways we treat each other. What happened to the Puritan, Christian valued society of our founders?
We are now an "either/or" society. Everyone voicing their opinions on Facebook, Twitter, Internet blogs, radio, etc. Nothing wrong with free speech, but, does it have to be so angry? Also, when did we figure we had to be on one side or the other? Why do we have to say Merry Christmas OR Happy Holidays? Why can't we say Merry Christmas to our Christian friends AND Happy Holidays to our non-Christian friends? Why one side OR the other? Why not BOTH? Have we become so ETHNOCENTRIC?
The unintended consequence of our bickering combined with the changing face of America, is that we are entering into an uncivil society, as we have not been teaching tolerance. Free speech with tolerance. We CAN agree to disagree.

How to be a Successful Internationalist, Not an "Ugly American"

We share the planet with 6 Billion people who speak 6,000 different languages along with all those foreign cultural differences and customs. Americans are known around the world as ETHNOCENTRIC, meaning we know only about our own culture, and do not demonstrate any interest in learning about other cultures. We are also known for only speaking English, and expecting everyone else to speak English. Like in the movies, if they do not understand us, we just start speaking slower and louder.


The "Ugly American" traveler. They make us wince, whinny and purse our lips while breathing in! We've all seen them and their circus antic behavior. Their louder than life voice levels, like listening to stock boys talking about the night before at the grocery store. Their packed fanny packs around their already rotund waists. Their ill fitting, badly fashioned shorts and un tucked shirts. Do not even get me started on those dirty, icky running shoes, although these people look as though they have not 'run' in quite a while. What to do? What to do?



The following are a few tips to help all who wish to be fabulous travelers. I'll throw in a few fine fashionista tips too!

Good mistakes from trying are better than bad mistakes from not trying. Good mistakes include:

• Knowing a few "magic words" in their language (may I, thank you, please) as well as a few necessary phrases and trying to speak the language thus showing respect.
• Mispronunciation of their language (unless in Paris).
• Being aware of and trying their customs (handshaking, bowing, eye contact, stance).
• Being aware of their culture, trends and taboos and trying to blend into their culture (fashion, mass transportation, religion, gift giving, flowers).
• Being aware of their local cuisine and trying their food and specialties in every restaurant and street cart and at every meal, (save the visit to McDonald's for home).
• Eating in the style everyone else eats (Continental Style in Europe, chop sticks in Asia, right hand in the Middle East.)

To be a Successful Internationalist:

• Please know the name of the President or Prime Minister.
• Please know the political system.
• Be aware of the language(s) spoken.
• Know the official name of the country.
• Know the collective name for its people.

To be further successful:

• Show respect always.
• Be considerate always.
• Remain non-judgemental in attitude.
• Remain open-minded to all situations.
• Observe, ask and listen

To be successful with your fashion:

• Leave the college jeans, sloppy shorts and dirty tennis shoes at home.
• For young ladies, new, nicely fitted, fancy "girl jeans" may be an exception....
• Ladies, please pay attention to local fashion and possible religious customs such as in the Middle East.
• For ladies, jersey fabric is light, looks good, needs no ironing and travels splendidly!
• Ladies, a light floral long scarf or plain pashmina is a great accessory tied around your neck, waist or purse and warm cover up for the plane.
• Always remove hats, sunglasses and gloves when inside.
• Never shake hands with your other hand in your pocket and gentlemen, please keep your hands out of your pockets.
• Gentlemen always wear long pants in the evening and especially anywhere for dinner.

Any library or bookstore will have travel books. Please peruse them, read them, take notes.

A modicum of planning will be immeasurably helpful to your traveling manners.

Bon chance et Au Revoir, y'all!

How Girls Fight and Wise Words from Wise People to Live By Ever Day

My Mother has always said: "Girls fight with words," and do they ever. Today's girls also apparently fight with technologies, such as texting.
My brilliant suite-mate from college has a twelve year old entrepreneurial daughter who has a successful blog of her own: The Success Princess. She is well written and wise beyond her years, does not watch television, is polite and plays the violin. Yesterday, she was caught up in one of her first "Girl Dramas" at her school. Remember 6th grade?
Her best friend apparently sent her a text accusing this lovely twelve year old, The Success Princess, of calling her the "B" word to another mutual friend. Texting girl drama!
Earlier last year, I quoted what a wise woman of the world said, and here are these words again:
"If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and true enemies; succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend your years building, someone may destroy overnight, build it anyway.
Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough; give the world the best you have got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God.
It was never between you and them anyway." - Mother Theresa

I keep this saying on my kitchen window and read it when not needed and read it more when needed.
Also, I think it was Churchill that said something like:
"Never ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever give up!"

Mean is mean. What To Do When A Bully Bullies.

Mean is mean. Period. Bullies are basically unhappy people. Bullies want to make themselves feel superior, so they put others down to feel better about themselves. Coy remarks to you in front of others. Coded comments to you on Facebook. Smart remarks on the telephone. Laughing behind your back. Laughing with another person in front of your face. Outright insults to your face. What to do....what to do?
My wise husband always says, the first person who talks, looses. Other than on "Talk TV News," where one has to yell over the other person or you "loose" the interview, this is so true. Remember, it is harder to be the bully than to be yourself.
So, my best advise is:

1. Stick to the facts if you must talk, answer politely only in monosyllables, and just do your best to stay away from the bully.
2. Remove yourself from the situation figuratively or literally. Be aways busy. Be self-directed and find projects to work on. Be engrossed in a book or newspaper, rather than fiddling with your cell phone if in the same lunch room or social situation, because people feel less intimidated to interrupt someone fiddling with e-mail or twittering on computers or phones. Or, if you can, leave the room. Be busy somewhere else.
3. If in a restaurant on a bad date, go to the restroom, go outside to make an "important" phone call, go outside for a smoke even if you don't smoke. Excuse yourself to the restroom and leave the restaurant/club. Call for a cab home. Say you have a headache, or don't feel well. Anything to get away from the bad situation and bully.
4. If the bully is your boss at work, may as well just start looking for a department transfer or a new job. Nothing worse than a bully for a boss, and it will never get any better, because the bully is, after all, your boss. In this case, the boss will always have the last word. Nothing to do about it. Be always polite, keep your nose to the grindstone, look for a new job and tell NO ONE, then leave your current job with the bully boss for your new job. Too much of your life is spent at work to allow your bully boss to tear you up, the spit you out anyway.
5. If the bully is a co-worker, do your best to stay away from the bully and the main rule applies. Do not let them draw you into a conversation. Be busy around them. Try never to be alone with the bully.
6. Always be polite to the bully. If they say something mean, do not reply. Let the mean comment hang out there in the air, especially if in a room with others. Just let the mean comment lay.
7. If the bully is a social bully, say on a committee or in a book club with you, sit far away from the bully. Look for another book club. Get on another committee. No sense spending your valuable leisure time miserable.
8. There is no sense fighting with a bully because it is what they want. If you engage wit them, they will drag you down into their world with them. Not where you want to be.

Do not be a victim. Stand up for yourself and empower yourself by removing yourself from the situation.

Homespun Homeopathic Recipes For Your Epithelium

How much of your hard earned money do you spend per year on skin care products? Do you buy specific products at the grocery store or spend your lunch money on those fancy cosmetic counter products?

Everyone knows, Epithelial cells, or the skin, referred to as the Integumentary System, is the largest organ in your body! While a diet of many fresh fruits and vegetables keep your skin glowing from the dermis down, here are some tips to keep your skin glowing on the top layers! Pamper yourself instead with the following common products easily found in any home:

• Smash 2 bananas and mix in 1 pat of butter in a bowl. Add a ripe avocado and mix. Smear on your face as a mask and leave for 20 minutes.
• Spritzing a bit of baby oil in a warm bath and soaking for 15 minutes will soften your dry skin anytime.
• Be careful with bath salts. Their aroma is appealing, but they tend to dry one's skin.
• To exfoliate your skin, place a mixture of lemon and sugar on your skin and rub into your skin.
• Another exfoliation remedy is mixing Cheerios, honey and lemon on your skin.
• A whipped egg white placed on your face for 10 minutes will act as a mask and revitalize your skin.
• Chop a cucumber and place into an ice tray (no water needed) and freeze into cubes. Place cubes below eyes and let the cubes melt.
• A fantastic eye makeup remover is plain old petroleum jelly! Try it!

These homespun recipes work well, so pamper yourself frugally and save your lunch money for lunch!

Tell Us Your Favorite Spring Break Travel Tip

Dear Readers,
Spring Break is upon us. Where and how are you traveling? Do you have a favorite travel tip to share? Please leave a travel tip and any comments below in the comment box.

Travel safely and enjoy!

Etiquette Tips and Tid-bits

The following are some of the most popular tips and tid-bits from my many speeches. Just goes to show, one never knows which tid-bit is going to be a hit in a speech.

Regarding Dishwashers and Your Tableware:
I wash my 18th Century Rose Medallion and great-grandmothers' crystal and sterling flatware in the dishwasher by following these simple, few rules:

• Load your dishes and crystal evenly and unload slowly. Lay the crystal or glass stemware down flat on the rack, however it fits nicely. Do not thrash around dishes, crowd and cram the dishwasher filled with pots and pans next to the crystal and flat silver with plastic items on top. Wash the pots and pans separately from the sterling.
• DO NOT use lemon detergent on china, crystal or flatware. Use plain detergent. China and crystal, in particular, have a glaze over them and the acidity from the lemon eats away at this glaze, and can eat away at the gold rims, gold accents and all colors on the china and crystal. Lemon detergent IS ONLY for removing the grease on pots and pans. For some reason, the brand Cascade leaves a residue over time.
• DO NOT use the heat button in your dishwasher, all that heat is not necessary. Have you ever opened the door during the heat cycle?! Always use the "Gentle Wash" and "Air Dry" features. The dishwasher's does not sterilize dishes anyway and you are wasting energy, spending money and weakening your dishes and crystal in the meantime. The "Air Dry" feature is plenty warm enough and will not melt the gold on your crystal or china.
• Never mix metals (stainless pots and pans or stainless flatware) with sterling silver. It's a metallurgy thing. The metal will pit out your sterling, those hard to clean black spots, then you'll have to clean your sterling.
• If you wash your good sterling silver in the dishwasher, you will not need to clean your sterling but once a year. After a year, it will develop a white filmy tint. An easy polish will bring its natural luster back.
• Before washing your sterling knives in the dishwasher, always test one first. Some knife handles made between the 1880's and the First World War were filled with plaster and will explode in the dishwasher.
• Sterling silver will develop a patina naturally. The patina is what gives sterling its third dimension, its character. Do not buff it out. Leave the old hand monogramming too.
• Finding a craftsman to hand monogram any metal is difficult these days. If you have or purchase at auction any sterling silver flatware and other sterling pieces (trays, vases, etc.) DO NOT have the old hand monogramming buffed out. The pieces will loose their patina, charm and conversation potential. You will also be removing valuable microns of silver in the buffing process and if the buffing process is done unevenly, your piece will come out with visible waves and bumps.

Enjoy your next dinner party!