Middle Eastern Cultural Tips and Customs -Part I

There are many definitions for what and where is the Middle East.

• Arab is not an ethnicity.
• Arabs represent approximately 18% of Muslims, but their language, culture and religion permeate the Islamic world.
• The Koran was delivered to Muhammad in Arabic, so speaking Arabic is a foundation and plays a central role in the practice of Islam.
• Ethnic Arabs originate from the Arabian Gulf region, but the spread of Islam and the Islamic Empire absorbed a host of other ethnic groups.
• Some of the countries considered to be "Arab" countries are: Algeria, Libya, Egypt, Sudan, Morocco, Tunisia, Saudi Arabia, Yeman, Syria, Iraq, Oman, Somalia, Jordan, Western Samara and Mauritania.
• The Islamic religion is the fastest growing religion in the world: 1-1.4 billion believers which is 20% of the world population. There are 6 million believers in the USA.
• 90% of the Middle East is Muslim (65% Sunni, 29% Shi'a)

Muhammad was born in 570 A.D. in Mecca and orphaned at a young age and lived with his uncle. He became a caravan merchant and married Khadija, a trader. He received his first revelation in the year 610 A.D. and for 20 years afterwards. He fled to Yathrib in 622 A.D. He returned to Mecca in 630 A.D. and died in 632 A.D. without a successor and was buried in Medina. This is when many splits in the religion happened. Sunnis are those who follow the sunna, or example, of Muhammad. Their leaders are thought to be the "best person" as an example of Muhammad. Shi'a, are those who are the Party of Ali or Shi'at Ali, and believe the succession of leaders should be hereditary, or blood relatives of Muhammad. Many disputes center on the rightful leadership of the community. The Islamic world is 85% Sunni and 15% Shi'a.
The foundations of Islam include the Five Pillars:

1. Shahada, or Profession of Faith
2. Salat, or Prayers
3. Zakat, or Alms Giving
4. Sawm, orFasting
5. Hajj, or Pilgramage

Most people are humble and pray when convenient, not necessarily 5 times per day. One must wash one's hands and feet prior to prayer and pray during the washing too. One's head must touch the lowest point on the ground.
Muslims are required to donate 2.5% of their income to the homeless. Also, as a kindness, bring them into their homes for a meal without reservation. There are NO orphanages because the giving capacity of the communities is so very great and the important family structure does not warrant orphanages.
The one thing in common with Islam, Christianity and Judaism is the Universal God. Other similarities with Christianity and Judaism are:

• Oneness of God
• Prophets and Divine Revelation
• Angels
• Satan
• Moral responsibility and accountability
• Judgement Day
• Eternal reward or Punishment
• Covenant with God
• Peace, love and charity

The Muslim religion has no "Pope." There is NO chosen leader for the "lesser Jihed." Osama bin Laden DOES NOT have the support of the Muslim society.
Family is the foundation of Arab society. Extended family is treasured as the obligation for their care runs very deep. Arabs have a keen sense of social rank and clan identity. Familial bonds are much closer, deeper and larger than in typical Western families. Business meetings very often happen in the home surrounded by extended family centered around a large, long meal.

This information was from a seminar I attended at The Protocol School of Washington. This session was taught by Cynthia Rambo, Chief of Protocol , Shaw Airforce Base. Enjoy these tips!

LTTE - "The Girl Who Would Be Queen" Article, October Issue

Dear Ms. Wintour,
Hallelujah! Rather than reading about some empty life of some untalented, yet famous celebrity, we were treated to a glimpse into a fascinating life of a real woman, who happened to be regal and rather talented.
William Shawcross's excerpt from his book: The Queen Mother, let us peak into the life of a Lady Elizabeth Bowes Lyon.
From her kindnesses towards the soldiers in WWI as a young fourteen year old girl through her work with the Prime Minister during WWII, Mr. Shawcross revealed The Queen Mother as a woman with a strong work ethic, love of country, family, and duty.
Learning and reading about an historic, interesting, strong, significant woman of substance every month would make a lovely column. Thank you.

LTTE Elle Magazine - A Young Generation of Bad Manners In America

The American media spotlight has moved from older generations of polite, self-sacrificing, respectful people to younger generations of pampered, self-aggrandizing, repugnant people.
Having taught etiquette and manners to young people for the past decade, my students have gone from needing a bit of fine tuning, to needing to learn how to hold a fork, and on up the manners ladder from that basic skill.
Kanye West, sadly, is merely one symptom of the bigger problem facing young Americans today.

The number one rule of etiquette is: "Always make the other person feel special."

Throwing away our manners in order to be heard, seen, understood or to be the center of attention seems to be the new "American Way" for some. Why? Blame fame, Reality TV, stress, The Red Carpet, The Internet, the Bloggers, 24 hour Cable TV, 30 years of prosperity, wealth and opportunity for all. Blame American society in general. How about blaming ourselves?

And to think, some men on the Titanic gave up their seats on the rescue boats sacrificing their own lives to save the lives of others. Then there was World War II. The "Greatest Generation."

Yes, as the Editor stated in the October Issue, Kanye West is in the "freaky" category, but not "genius." More like a rich and rude, arrogant, mean, and now, a famous bully.

I am glad Kanye West was not standing next to me on the Titanic or in a "fox hole." He would have thrown me out and overboard!

Ele Magazine "What I Wore" Contest Essay

   At 22 years old, I was the gawkiest, tallest, skinniest, girl in quite a while to have graduated from Sweet Briar College and move to New York City with three suitcases.
   My first job was as a receptionist/order taker/dress model for the designer, Mr. Adolfo, at his couture salon on 57th Street. When Mr. Adolfo had me fitted for my first little black dress, I had no idea what this dress would do for my confidence and come to mean to me in my life and the many years ahead.
   This knee length formal dress had a beautiful black velvet torso with a black tulle ballerina skirt, matching tulle straps and sash, all the tulle demurely dotted with rhinestones like little bright stars in an ethereal night sky.
   Three months later, I was whisked away in a limousine in my new dress to work my first company gala event at Saks Fifth Avenue complete with photographers and a Red Carpet. Oh my! I walked this carpet, but did not really know what it was at the time. It was, after all, 1984. No one clicked my picture and I had never heard of a "Page 6". But no matter. I had on my favorite first formal couture dress.
Christmastime arrived with an invitation to the company Christmas dinner dance at Doubles. I had to scrape up a date, but not a dress! Adolfo chose me for the honor of the first dance. My Mother was so proud.
   At 23, it was time to meet my first boyfriend's entire family. We played touch football just like a Pepsi commercial, although in catching the football, I was bumped into a tree and got a black eye from the football which ended up next to my face. A Black-tie event followed that evening at the Country Club in Tuxedo Park. Nervous and with a black eye, but dressed in my Adolfo dress, I at least, had the confidence I was always appropriately dressed.
   June arrived with the Belmont Ball.  Arranged by Mr. Adolfo, my hostess, C Z. Guest, accompanied my date and me into the Jockey Club for the dance the night before the Belmont Stakes. No worries. Again, always appropriately attired.
  Many charity and social events followed over the years: The Junior League Ball at The Plaza with Peter Duchin, easy. The Intrepid Ball, no problem. The Circle Line "booze cruise," always appropriate. The Colony Club, The University Club, The Williams, Harvard and Yale Clubs. No worries. The Limelight opening and Andy Warhol. Not a care in the world with my best Adolfo dress. Stumbling into the Tumble Inn at 2 a.m, Tunnel, Elaine's, and The 21 Club, always right. Swells, The Surf Club, and Mick Jager showed up! Never an issue.
 Soon followed many weddings of good friends. A Dallas wedding, a South Carolina wedding. A wedding at the New York Saint Ignatius Church and Reception at the St. Regis. The Graycliff in the Bahamas for my 30th birthday, still wearing and able to fit into my beloved dress. This dress was my passport to many years and all types of social soirees without ever feeling out of place.
   At age 26, my Haute Couture dress accompanied me home to Richmond to take care of my ailing father. For the next nine years, it served me well as a "singleton." If the dress became too tight, I quit eating dessert and bread for a while. My bellwether dress.
   As a 35 year old workaholic, I phoned a friend and asked to sit with her and her husband at The Deep Run Hunt Club Hunt Ball. The "horsey set." They sat me next to a man I had seen once before at a club event.
   Traditionally, at any Hunt Ball, a black and white dress is required for women who did hunt that day, and a black dress is required for women who did not hunt that day, so the ladies do not clash with the gentlemen who wear those red "Evening Scarlett" coats. Being that I did not hunt that day, my black Adolfo dress was the perfect Black Tie attire, once again.
   Seven years later, I married the man I was seated next to on that magical, horsey, Haute Couture evening. 
   Soon afterwards, I gave this still wonderful and favorite dress away to a young friend I worked with, hoping it would bring her the confidence, comfort, and happiness it brought me for many, many years.

International Gift Giving Etiquette

Anyone watch the UN speeches given by various foreign leaders this week? Ever think about Corporate gift giving to foreigners? The following is a bit of foreign corporate gift giving tips:

Appropriate Gifts in Arab Countries:

• Books


• Gifts for Children


• "Made in the USA" gifts


• Gifts for the Office

Inappropriate Gifts in Arab Countries:

• Liquor


• Logo items


• Blue and White gifts


• Gifts for Spouse


• Animal products or food as a gift for the first meeting

Appropriate Gifts in Japan

• US Brand Named items


• Scotch and Brandy


• Books


• Company products

In any Asian country, or from an Asian person, always accept a business card or a gift with both hands. Using both hands shows respect. Regarding a business card: take time to look at the business card. Do not ever stuff it in your back pocket.

Inappropriate Gifts in Japan:

• Any "Made in Japan" item


• Anything with the numbers 4 or 9


• Surprises of any type


• Humorous or Joke gifts


• Ribbons and/or Bows


• Fox, Badger or Wolf

Appropriate Gifts in the USA:

• Books


• Pen and Pencil sets


• Key Chains


• Umbrellas


• Paperweights

Inappropriate Gifts in the USA:

• Expensive items


• Red Roses to a woman


• Personal items


• Liquor to a non-drinker


• Cash

Always enclose a gift receipt with your gift and have the gift "gift wrapped" if possible.

I do not care what Peggy Post says: NEVER re-gift any gift to anyone for any reason. It is a small world, it is NOT honest and the gift never seems to be quite right....no gift receipt and wrapped by hand usually in a gift bag. No thought and no time put into the gift always comes back on the giver. The recipient always knows. In any re-gifting situation, one is taking many chances. I have a host of re-gifting horror stories to tell...in my Halloween blog post, soon!

If one has no money to spend on a personal gift for a good friend, instead of re-gifting, an appropriate, thoughtful card will always do with a kind, well thought out, beautifully written message, or for a wedding, pull a nice sterling cake knife or pretty china plate out of your sideboard in your Dining Room, wrap it up and tell the Bride it is a "family treasure" you want her to have because she is like family to you. I will also address this topic for the holiday season, soon.

Household Tips - Separating Eggs, Cleaning Brass, Headache Cure

Helpful Household Tips

• A Wet Oven Cloth will save many burnt fingers and hands


• To Remove Spots of Milk or Tea on a Brass Tray: apply a bit of lemon juice and rinse.


• For Easy Egg Separating: try breaking the egg into a funnel. The white will go down the funnel and the yoke will stay behind.


• To Cure a Headache: try 2 cloves in a cup of freshly brewed tea.


• Natural Tooth Cleaner - salt hardens the gums and makes the teeth white.


• To Clean Suede Shoes - Black, Brown or Grey suede shoes may be cleaned lightly with fine sand-paper. Rub with firm, even pressure. This will remove dirt, mud and grease.


• Never Polish Pewter - Never polish pewter, you will ruin its finish. Let pewter remain dull. When it is dirty, wash it with a very soft brush, a tiny amount of gentle soap and warm water. Dry the pewter with a soft cloth.

Be Thrifty, Have Fun and Enjoy!

An Addendum: Manners Matter To Those In The Know

A poem from my Forget-Me-Not, Forget Me Never book:

If pleasures path you wish to see,

Five things observe with care,

To whom you speak, of whom you speak,

And when, and how, and where.

Florence Gaynor

June 21, 1906