Thursday, November 10, 2011

Truths For Mature Humans List and the Rebuttal

   Don't we just love these FWD:, FWD:, e-mail lists that show up in our "in boxes?" Who compiles these lists filling them with tidy tid-bits of alleged wisdom? "They" are set on helping us (I reckon), but are "they" really helping us, or are "they" just spewing hatred, frustration and negative thoughts our way, meant to be cleaver and rebellious? I recon your own answer depends whether or not you are a 'glass half full' or a 'glass half empty thinker.
   First, I'll list the original "Truths For Mature Humans" in parentheses with a number, then below, offer my own rebuttal in italics and marked with a button. If you would be so kind, dear reader, please let me know which list you prefer.

Truths for Mature Humans:

"1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die."
  • I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately contact family and friends, help to clean the decedent's house, then, if o.k. with the family, take your friend's computer to a computer store service counter, have them erase all cookies and files on the computer, update it and "de-fragment" the computer, then donate the gently "used" computer to the family's charity of choice.
"2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong."
  • Firstly, the word "suck" is not a nice word at all. Secondly, never ever begin, take part in, or end an argument unless you know you are 100% correct. 
"3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger."
  • Never mind "woulda, coulda, shoulda." Live in the present, and presently, take a nap if you can.
"4. There is great need for a sarcasm font."
  • Sass will bite you in the a** every time. Just don't comment.
"5. How the h*!! are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?"
  • Ask any married lady. She will show you. The folding process involves placing all 4 fitted corners together around your out stretched arm and fist. Brilliant!!
"6. Was learning cursive really necessary?"
  • Apparently not, as schools are no longer teaching printing to students. Personally, cursive helped me to take notes and write drafts for papers very fast in college.  
"7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my 
  • Get a GPS. Map Quest is better than it used to be and it is great for a backup plan in case your British GPS lady gets you lost. By the way, my husband and I both get lost getting out of a paper bag, never mind our own neighborhood.
"8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died."
  • Why would the manner of death be more interesting than how the person lived? My Sister is a Hospice RN and I am a Hospice volunteer and CNA. I do not really care to know how the person passed, unless the family wants everyone to know. 
"9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired."
  • No one else is going to take care of you for you, so you'd better learn how to take care of yourself and take time for yourself or you will burn yourself out and be good to no one including yourself.
"10. Bad decisions make good stories."
  • Bad decisions, one after another, make for fun cocktail fodder for everyone else, but make for a most miserable life for you. Most decisions are made out of fear or emotion. Get a new set of friends, seek out advise from a different relative, get a new therapist, a new boyfriend, a new priest, pastor, minister, rabbi or guru. Buy a self help book or take a self help class. Ask a new anyone to help you recognise when you are making bad decisions for yourself. Listen. Be open and ready to accept some hard criticism. Again, bad decisions make for a bad life. 
"11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you  
        just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day."
  • So you have hit a wall. So what. Delegate the responsibility to someone else while you take a 15-20 minute break and go get a coffee or get a quick bite to eat. Clear your mind. Come back to work ready to finish the task at hand. After work, go home and go to bed early. When you wake up the next morning, eat a healthy, protein filled breakfast.
"12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my
        collection ...again."
  • Why is anyone wasting money on any collection of anything that will not rise in value over time? Realistically, with Cable TV, movie channels, PPV, Netflix, and the Internet, how many of those dusty movies in that old cabinet have you watched lately?  
"13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes
        to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to."
  • Print out any report or short story BEFORE you even attempt to exit it just in case the "stoopid compooter" spaces out and erases the document. Hit "Save" twice and hit "Backup." Also, don't end a sentence with a preposition. 
"14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call."
  • Most things are OK in moderation. Discreet screening is OK also in moderation. 
"15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well."
  • My 15 year old "on sale" side by side refrigerator from Lowe's has a light also on the freezer side old is your freezer? From 1973?
"16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet, on any given Friday or Saturday night, more kisses
        begin with Miller Lite than Kay Jewelers."
  • Alcohol or jewelry bringing more kisses??... Hmmmm. This is like arguing which sport is more dangerous: Horse Back Riding or Motorcycling?  
"17I have a hard time trying to decipher the fine line between boredom and hunger."

  • If you are so burned out you cannot decide whether or not you are tired or hungry, it is time to take a nice bath and go to bed!
"18. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still
        did not hear or did not understand a word the other person said?"
  • My husband is deaf in one ear as are many of his male friends his age.He also has limited hearing in the other ear. He often says to me he can only hear about 1/3 of any numerous conversations at restaurants and social functions. He also cannot hear well at the movies or theatre. He simply says nothing and smiles, then asks me later what was said. Works every time! (p.s. As a man, at this time, a hearing aid is simply not going to happen). 
19. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent the jerk from
           cutting in at the front of the line."
  • Speaking earlier about bad decisions... if you relax, drive a bit slower and stay to yourself, you will not involve yourself in a possible "Road Rage" incident. Who needs it? So what if you arrive at your destination 2 minutes later. Not worth potentially risking your life. 
"20. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants and skirts? Pants and skirts never get dirty and can be
        worn forever."
  • What? Eeewww! Wear pants and skirts until they either get wrinkled, stretched out or until they have a spot.
"21. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is."
  • Again, time for a coffee, a nap, or to go to bed a bit earlier. Take time to take better care of yourself because no one else is going to take care of you.
"22. Even under ideal conditions, people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their
      cell phone, and playing 'Pinning the Tail on the Donkey,' but I'd bet everyone can find and push the
      'Snooze' button from 3 feet away in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time."
  • Yet again, from experience, if you must constantly hit the 'snooze' button, you desperately need to simplify your life. If you cannot manage your time better, ask someone else to help you prioritize your time so you can get to bed earlier!
As a former fierce workaholic and extremely competitive Retail Manager having worked 14-20 hours a day, 5-7 days a week for 15 years, taking 4 consecutive days of vacation (with the one exception of 10 days vacation when my Father passed away), I can say with the knowledge of hindsight and a bit of wisdom: everyone from time to time needs to learn how to ask for help. Everyone needs to learn how to delegate responsibility and how to recognise when one must step back a bit and re-evaluate one's priorities and take charge to take care of oneself. No one else is going to take care of you for yourself.

Take care!